Sunday, February 25, 2007

Point A to Point B

How did I go from being concerned about the driving in freezing rain to the "bitchy daughter who acts like [she] knows everything"?

I called my mother this morning to let her know I didn't really want to drive to Waterford to attend some (lame-ass) bridal show at the very hotel that Jack Kevorkian assisted suicide years ago. The weather isn't the greatest, and I didn't want to pay the $10.00 per ticket to have a bunch of vendors try to sell me things I don't want at my wedding (which will probably not take place for another years or so, or possibly never if Jeremy and I follow suit with the trend of our relationship). I said that I didn't think the roads would be the best, and there are many other shows we could go to that are a lot closer coming up in the next month.

This is when things went sour. My mother (the control freak, that she is) goes off, stating that I act like I know everything and this was just to "gather ideas". She then stated that Jeremy's mother must be butting in (which she hasn't, and has no plans to do, as per our discussion Friday night at dinner when she gave a handy-dandy wedding planning guide that lists just about everything step-by-step with charts and a nifty file folder system to keep track of it all).

I kept trying to calm my mother down, but she was off on a tirade, as usual. She said she had changed her mind, anyway, and wanted to go to one in Ann Arbor. Once again, I reminded her that the weather was not the best for driving and there are plenty of other expos over the next few months. She started yelling, and then said that I started the argument, claiming that I act like I know everything (hell...I should know about this. I used to help plan the gala receptions for my co-ed fraternity, AND I completed all of the planning for my sister's wedding while my parents went to work - my parents made me organize and coordinate everything that they had chosen).

I explained that Jeremy and I are broke, and a wedding is still far off in the future. She claimed that she and my dad will "help". That made me upset, as they paid for my sister's wedding in its entirety AND they paid for her bridal shower. They also gave my sister and her husband a big check as a present and told my sister not to tell me. I understand that times have changed and my dad is now retired. But, wouldn't it be nice to be treated equally? My mother is the most judgmental person I have ever known, and I know if my wedding isn't at least as nice as Autumn's, she will spend the rest of her life telling me how mine should have been better.

I tried to remain calm, but I told her to "shut up". I apologized immediately, started crying, and then tried to resolve everything. She tried to bring my dad into all of this, but I told her to grow up and deal with her own problems. She then spent ten minutes trying to end the phone with rude comments when she would start to hang up. I decided that I would not let her treat me the way that her mother treats her. I told her not to treat me that way, as I would simply not be treated like crap and take it.

She then said I can call her when I want to settle this. That's fine by me. I won't be calling - that doesn't hurt me one bit. In fact, I am far less stressed when I don't have to put up with her bitchery.

Now, I am thinking of calling all of it off. It's not like anything will be different. I just won't have to put up with the crazy wedding-planning nightmare.

Thursday, February 22, 2007

February 2007

So far, this year is going very well.

Jeremy proposed on Valentine's Day where we had one of our first dates in 2000. I will have to post some photos of the ring soon.

I am in three music ensembles - the Canton Concert Band, the percussion ensemble, and now the pit band for Beauty and Beast.

I am writing much more. I may even have a couple of manuscripts to send out by the end of Spring Break.

I am getting really into teaching German, as well as Shakespeare (but we all knew I am good at getting my students to understand and enjoy Shakespeare! I have a published article all about how to do that.).

I will be starting my graduate classes in the spring session (I didn't want to walk into a class having missed two of the class periods).

I am beginning to feel like I am part of the community at my school, although I don't want to be there too long. I will still be interviewing elsewhere in the Detroit area. It is nice to be part of something, though. I am buddying up with a number of people who are also new teachers there, as well as some 'seasoned veterans'. I have hit it off with one student teacher, in particular. I think it is that we share a common bond - we both attended the same high school. He graduated two years after me, but knowing that he comes to this school with a similar background is good. He's a nice guy; the kids really respond to him, and he is thrilled about teaching. That attitude is infectious. Being around people like that make me a better teacher.

I have been hanging out with friends. I cut some of them out, like MP, and my stress level has gone way down. I am only surrounding myself with the people who matter, the people who care.
I have been doing some interesting photography. I will probably upload some of the images to my myspace account. I really need to do more nautical photography this summer. I think Jeremy and I will be able to sail with his parents more than last year.

I feel healthier than I have in a long time. I am enjoying life. I am going out of my way to walk and exercise. I will be getting my bike tuned up for spring. Jeremy and I are going to create a daily routine of riding bikes and doing other types of exercise. I still cannot convince him to try yoga, though.

Tomorrow, I will be meeting with Jeremy's parents to discuss wedding plans.

On Saturday, my mother is taking me to a small bridal expo.

Jeremy and I already know that we want, for the most part. I just need to make sure my mother and my future mother-in-law don't try to take over. Autumn went through that nightmare a few years ago. I am setting things up my way right away. I could probably have this thing planned and ready to go in about a month, just because I take care of things as soon as possible, but I want Jeremy to be involved. That will stretch this out. That will also give me time to lose more weight, so I am ready for a honeymoon backpacking through Europe or hiking in New Zealand.

...So much to think about...

I still have to grade 75 English tests and 50 German tests tonight. I also need to create graphic organizers for Act III of Julius Caesar for my tenth graders. Then, I have to write letters to my seminar (study hall) students' parents. I don't think I have time to work on one of my manuscripts tonight - what a downer! Perhaps I will have time for two hours of writing tomorrow.

Wednesday, February 14, 2007

Engaged!

I'm engaged!!!

Tuesday, February 06, 2007

Fate again

I think I know what the message is.

Reconnect with people!

I bumped into yet another old friend on Monday, when I was shopping on my "inclement weather" day. It is obvious that I have been out of the loop with these people, and it is time for me to reconnect with those who were there in the beginning and along the way. Many of my old friends seem to be finding themselves and finding what will sustain the lives they've chosen. I have done that, but I don't feel I have found the specific school district that is best for me. It is adequate - I found a job in the Detroit area, which is quite difficult for anyone opting to teach high school English at this juncture. I do realize what a blessing it is to have a German major in addition to my English major - it is the primary reason I have my current position. I am just hoping that I will be able to add in a little bit of music at some point. I am performing in a band again, and I may be starting to give lessons soon. I have a few leads; I am working on location details (school or in my home).

Today is the second "inclement weather" day. I am thankful for the extra hours of rest, but I tend to get so lazy. I need to fold laundry and find books on teaching poetry for a student teacher at my school. I've mostly been sitting around.

Sunday, February 04, 2007

Fate and other thoughts

I have never before believed in fate. Yesterday, though, it was so obvious. I was exactly where I was supposed to be.

I started my evening with dinner out with two friends from high school. We had been trying to meet for quite a while, so it was great to see them.

I decided, after a reluctant bout, to help chaperone the Coming Home dance at my school. On my drive there, I talked to Mike on the phone. He was surprised to find that I was being so dedicated to my school - I haven't been very loyal and supportive toward my school thus far.

When I arrived, I was welcomed by the other staff members who didn't really expect to see me. I helped with coats, crowd control, photos, and then spent the latter part of the night preparing drinks for the students. I was even able to goof around a bit with one of our student teachers, an attractive man that graduated from my high school two years after me. It was great to talk to someone who had a similar background.

After the dance, several of the teachers met at The Tap Room in Ypsi. I hadn't originally planned on going, but I decided that it might be good for me to get out.

Soon after arriving, I saw an old friend - Noah. I haven't seen Noah in about a year. We were good friends two years ago when I worked at the hotel. We would hang out and drink, which was always a welcomed vacation from my eighty-hour workweek. Somewhere along the way, he started to like me, which made work awkward. I still remained his friend, and we've kept in touch minimally. I usually just stay in touch with a mutual friend, James.

I hollered his name, and he turned, totally stunned. He had never before visited Ypsi, and it is just such a weird coincidence that he was in the same bar I was visiting for the first time. I truly believe there is a reason I saw him. I don't know what that reason is, but it was necessary for me to be in that place, especially since I had planned not to go.

We talked for about twenty minutes before exchanging our new phone numbers. He ended up calling to see if I wanted to hang out around 2 AM, when I was leaving The Tap Room (yes...we closed the bar). His brother and friend were teasing him as he tried (TRIED) to talk to me (he was quite drunk). I got the impression, from what the other guys were saying, that he had been talking about me after we met in the bar. He begged me to drive back to Ypsi to party with them. I didn't think that would be a good move, so I continued on my way home. At the end of our conversation, he called me 'honey'. Although I usually get pissed about this sort of thing, it actually made me feel good. Jeremy and I have found ourselves in yet another rut. I would like to start planning a wedding, but he still hasn't asked.

Here's a thought...I should plan the wedding and reception, but I should leave a groom's name off, just for now. If Jeremy does follow through, then he will be the one. If he doesn't, then I will have a big party to celebrate my release "back into the wild". What do you think?