Change

Something has to change or I'm going to implode.

Now for the Legal

After unsuccessfully trying to get someone to "man up" for the past ten years and follow through with a promise to fix something that has affected me that long, I've decided to go the legal route and force the individual to do what is right. I will not "go away" until I am made whole again.

The beginning of Happiness

It's been a full weekend with my boyfriend. A wedding. An awesome book sale. A movie at AMC 20. And lots of sweet nothing's and cuddling. I needed this.

Day of Reckoning

The past is moving on today. Both the ex-fiance and the former best friend have carved out new lives for themselves and they officially march down those paths today. The most recent ex-boyfriend....the one i felt the deepest love I've ever felt for anyone....blocked me on FB and then sent me an email stating that he wants me to find someone who actually treats me the way I deserve to be treated....that we have too many "issues" between us for him to even offer friendship. What a jerk. I hate that THAT particular love left me blind and weak. Vulnerable. And I'm so afraid that I will never feel love like I did for him. Deep down, I know it will always be there. I'm trying so hard to let myself feel something like that for the new guy. It's a very slow, guarded process for me. He's more than patient, and I'm really hoping I don't screw this up.

To You

You are the one, whether you know that or not. You are still the first person I think about when I wake in the morning and the last person I think about before I fall asleep. You made me see the world differently. You made me feel like I belong somewhere.

Tailspin

I spoke to a number of people yesterday on the phone, in person, or online. My tailspin started early, and I reached out for stability. I didn't find it until I spoke to two of the people who contributed to my tailspin. The conversations felt natural and calm, which is part of the reason I experienced the tailspin to begin with. This constant need for reassurance, etc., is actually causing me to possibly miss something that is right in front of me. It's time for that to change. It's time to process those things I've been hanging onto and not truly dealing with.

A New You

I hate the phrase "Build a better you." I've been hearing it a lot lately from friends, family, therapists. I don't know how to build a new me. I can only work with what is already here. I can mold, adapt, alter, but I can't really BUILD a new me.