anger

So, I've had an extremely stressful week and all I want to do is take a nap and then finish grading my students' papers tonight. I have a grad paper due early next week, and I haven't been able to finish reading the theory or the novel.

I drive home, eager to escape the nightmare that is teaching, and Jeremy has a buddy over. Did he clean anything? Did he do his laundry? Did he even clear a spot for me to work? No. Typical.

I can't even view an educational DVD I may use with my students because he and his friend are playing video games. They want me to drive them to the Heidelberg in Ann Arbor later tonight, when all I want to do is get something...anything done.

I think we might have our house guest until tomorrow, and his fiancee is driving out tonight. What the hell!?! How fucking inconsiderate!

This weekend, I have to complete report card grades, read literary theory, read a novel, write a 6-page paper, make lesson plans (including one formal one for my evaluation on Tuesday), set up for my concert, perform on Sunday, get some wedding planning done, clean EVERYTHING!, write letters to parents to explain some of the grading policy changes my school will adopt, and a variety of other things. Jeremy is also leaving on Sunday for three weeks, so I know he expects me to spend time with him.


Perhaps I will just take off with my uke. It feels like one of those days. I really just want to bash in his skull with it, but then I'd have to buy a new ukulele.

Another lonely night

Jeremy is at work again tonight.

I am, once again, avoiding my homework and grading. I need to get everything done by tomorrow so that I can give progress reports and such. I just stopped caring for the day.

My boss wasn't able to observe in my classroom today, so I have to reschedule.

Joe brightened my day today. It was nice to learn that he also looks back on our moments together and just enjoys the memories. I think we all had good times, you know, before life became so complicated.

strumming my little ukulele

I had big plans for myself upon my return home. Instead of conquering the world, I decided to play the ukulele and sing.

A list of some things I have avoided doing today:

1. grading tests for German
2. entering grades and printed progress reports for my students
3. typing a test I plan to give tomorrow (I think multiple choice may be the way to go!)
4. laundry
5. dishes
6. making dinner (we bought subs instead)
7. cleaning my kitchen
8. calling the place where we want to get married
9. exercising
10. homework for grad school

Postsecret

I've decided to send in my secret.

never

I will never be as happy as you are in your photographs.

Someone else's thoughts...

Closer - Dido

So leave your taxi waiting
And turn and close my door
And sit back down where you were sitting
A little closer than before

And when you look that serious
It just makes me want you more
And I've been meaning to tell you

The closer you get, the better I feel
The closer you are, the more I see
Why everyone says that I look happier
When you're around
The closer you get, the better I feel

And yes I know you're nervous
Never seen you so unsure
You haven't touched your food tonight
And you're drinking more and more

And there's no need to hurry
Take your time I'll still be here
And I've been meaning to tell you

The closer you get, the better I feel
The closer you are, the more I see
Why everyone says that I look happier
When you're around, the better I feel

The closer you get, the better you see
The closer you are, the more I see
Why everyone says that I look happier
When you're around
The closer you get, the better I feel
The better I feel, the better I feel

We've been circling for time baby
We're coming down to land tonight
The wait is over and now it's easy
Everything is fine

The closer you get, the better I feel
The closer you are, the more I see
Why everyone says that I look happier
When you're around, the better I feel

The closer you get, the better you see
The closer you are, the more I see
Why everyone says, that I look happier
When you're around, the closer you get
The better I feel

Mike called today to see if I wanted to meet him in Ann Arbor. I really wanted to, but Jeremy is leaving tomorrow for four days. I thought it best to stay home with my fiance. I was irritated, though, as Jeremy did ignore me a little to study for his upcoming test. I pouted and then took a nap. Not exactly quality time together.

Mike sounded so disappointed when I told him I wouldn't be able to meet him. That made me feel special - someone actually wanted to spend time with me. I rarely get phone calls, and invitations out are even more rare.

The disappointment I felt is a concern. I had this impulse to rebel against Jeremy. I was angered by the notion that I should have to change what I am doing to suit him - that is certainly not be what I should thinking about considering we are now engaged.


This evening, Jeremy told me he is afraid that I might run off with Mike. Mike and I would never do this. That's just not the nature of our relationship.

As Seen on Myspace...

So far, the Homecoming Dance count is:

6 students arrested for possession of alcohol (most "through consumption").

1 student hospitalized (one of the six arrested) - I witnessed the incident. Drunk (and high) student resisting arrest, etc.Quite a show!

2 times the freshman/sophomore dance had to be stopped because of indecency and violence. Manyof the students were engaged in activity that was in between dancing and sex.

4 kids refused at the door (despite the irate parents insisting they should be allowed in) because they couldn't get there by 9 PM - the dance started at 7:30.

2 kids suffering breathing problems - both were remedied without hospitalization

1 teacher suit coat stolen

16 times one student went to the bathroom to wash his hands while I was on door duty (35 minutes total)

16 chaperones who did not show up or call to say they weren't coming.

5 hours I stayed, even though I planned to only be there for one.

1 girl who allowed her date to pull up her dress and show off here undergarments while on the dance floor (that I witnessed, anyway).

1 male student who actually said (to me) he wouldn't dance to certain types of music with his date because he didn't want to disrespect her. Can you say "Awww!"?

2 carloads of non-students were chased off of campus by the police.

13 times the table was slammed against my legs by freshman and sophomore students who were acting like animals at the end of the night (coat check). I am going to have some nasty bruises.

2 pairs of shoes left unclaimed.

I may be able to add more to this list once I get back to school. Perhaps accidents and such. I saw a terrible accident on my way home - it could have been one of our students.

dehydrated again

Once again, I am severely dehydrated. I refuse to go to the hospital, even though I've been having health problems all day (mostly vision, hearing, and muscle movement issues). I've been trying to take in a bunch of water, but I just can't keep drinking it.

I should be accustomed to this because it happens so frequently, but I just can't seem to force myself to drink enough liquid. I am really craving salt, too. That's probably a sign that something else is wrong, but I loathe going to the doctor - although my urologist is actually someone I am fine with (my current insurance stuff won't cover a visit to him without first visiting the doctor in the area who is listed as my primary care physician).

I feel as though I've wasted yet another Saturday. Jeremy is actually home this weekend, but we didn't go look at houses or reception halls - yeah, we are way behind schedule with our wedding plans! We are just rarely home at the same time, and it is difficult to make decisions that affect both of us in that situation.

Beyond the "normal" stress, I am to help with Homecoming tonight at work. I don't think I'll stay the whole time; but I said that about dances last year. The teachers end up going out drinking afterward, and that is an absolute blast! I wouldn't trust my body with alcohol today, though. I am facing enough stress on my organs.

Nightmares

I can't stop having nightmares. I know what my subconscious is trying to deal with (still), but I'd simply like to avoid the topic. I don't want to get into it here, either. I force myself awake and then sit up for a while. I feel like I am so stressed out.

I made several stiff drinks last night for Mike A., Jeremy, and myself. I could not focus on grading papers, which I brought home with me again today. I have been avoiding them for hours now. Unfortunately, the alcohol didn't just let me rest.

I have other things on my mind, too, so I am hoping to find some sort of outlet to avoid fucking things up.

A good birthday

Jeremy was out of town today, but I had a great day. My students were wonderful. I had a number of good laughs. Mike treated me to dinner. We talked for hours, as usual, and it was so comforting and kind. He looked at clothes in some store, and I critiqued jackets and such - I taught Mike the term "Moobs" - apparently my meshing of both 'man' and 'boobs' was a hit. He said he will definitely use that term tomorrow. We walked in the rain, stopped at coffee shops, completed homework and graded the homework of our students, all the while contemplating what the world would be like if our students really put forth the effort that we hope for.

I didn't get my exact birthday wish, but who ever does? I believe I got something better. I was able to let go of yesterday's grief and depression and feel giggly and happy. Mike is the ultimate pick-me-up. Everyone needs someone like Mike. And the best part? We don't need alcohol to be like that. I thought that our wild A2 nights could be only that - wild (as the result of being intoxicated), but we still have a great time without the booze.

Maybe next time we hang out there will be nicer weather and I can demonstrate my MAD uke skills. I have yet to do that for him. I can't tell you how many times he has been the resident performer. It would be nice to let him relax and have someone perform music for him.

I may be going to see David Sedaris in a couple of weeks with my parents and Jeremy. I may see what my budget is and treat Mike. Also, I have to keep him informed about Sherman Alexie, who will be returning the the A2/Ypsi area in early November. He missed him last time, so he is determined to get there. The best part? He will be at my college! Frickin' sweet!

Thank you to everyone who have made this day wonderful. I LOVE GUYS!

depression

I feel so depressed it's hard to breathe.

My parents invited me over for dinner; that only made me feel worse. Sometimes I think I might be better off taking myself out of existence.

Woke up this morning

I woke up this morning with lesson plans going through my head. I was able to snag one of the data projectors (which are rarely available) for all of next week, so I am going to jump in and teach my classes the way I love to teach with music, graphics, PowerPoint presentations, virtual (internet) field trips, etc. I may be able to hang on to the darn thing longer if no one else signs it out.

I also have chores on my mind. I went to my basement and found a rather nasty surprise from my cats. Because my complex was painting doors, we were instructed to leave our pets closed in a room. My cats retaliated by pissing on the floor - right next to their damn litter box! Luckily, I have a standard basement floor that can be mopped or sprayed down for cleaning, but I still felt the need to scrub the entire floor and rewash clothes that were nowhere near the urine but were subject to wafts of cat urine for a day.

Jeremy will be home around 1:30 this afternoon and will leave again tomorrow. Then he will return on Tuesday. I just need to work in my reading, writing of papers, grading, and lesson planning around his schedule - he is always a distraction. Not that I'm complaining, though. I rather like that, after all these years, he still gets my full attention.

Monday

I am having dinner with Mike on Monday. Wahoo!

Morgen ist Freitag!

I've been speaking so much more German to my students than I did last year at this time. I am trying to work in immersion-style methods, and so far, everything seems to be going well.

My grad class was decent, although I didn't complete the reading. I stopped at the theater to pay my annual dues for band and then left. I didn't feel like I could get through rehearsal tonight. I picked up a sub on the way home and I've been running around since I arrived. It's hard to believe that I've only been home for fifty minutes. I can't remember the last time I was able to get so much done - especially while nursing a cold!

Tomorrow, my German students will take a quiz and then watch a DVD. My English students will be completely several pre-reading assignments and activities for Beowulf. I feel like I am in my element lately!

worn out but happy

Despite the fact that I truly enjoy my job, I am constantly exhausted at the end of the day. I did just recently come down with a cold (today is the worst day yet), but I find it ridiculous that I am so tired. Unfortunately, because I cannot breathe through my nose, I cannot sleep. I cannot even focus on my homework. Instead, I've been watching Ghost Hunters on SciFi. Jeremy is on his way home with his buddy Joel, and they are supposed to be bringing me dinner and medication.

5 options - lame post, but who cares?

Should I:

1. attend a camp-out with my relatives this weekend.
2. celebrate Maureen's birthday (a couple of days late) and go out clubbing.
3. go to Ann Arbor with Mike.
4. shut myself indoors and complete all of my homework and lesson plans for the next two weeks.
5. clean EVERYTHING again.

-OR-

6. a little of each.

...

I feel like writing, but I have nothing to write about. Someone, please inspire me tonight.

grad school

I attended my first class at Eastern. It will definitely keep me on my toes!!! I am not as well-versed in literary criticism/theory, but this will certainly change that. Ironically enough, high school English teachers can be somewhat trained out of using the different schools of thought when it comes to analyzing something. We are supposed to teach students to find "their own meaning", with which I've always found a problem.

Our anchor text that we will examine through thirty or so different "lenses" is Bram Stoker's Dracula! What a treat!

I feel invincible!!!!!!!!!

I checked the status of my passport - I should have it by the 3rd of September. Apparently, calling did help! And this means that I will be able to hop a flight to Germany during Oktoberfest in Munich!!!!!!!!!!

Now, I just need to find a flight and some time. I would not feel guilty about taking a couple of personal days this coming month.

I just pulled together a large number of boxes to take to my classroom. I am so excited about school starting up again. I think Jessy has really motivated the twelfth grade teachers well.

One of my professors wants to have class at her house instead of the university classroom. I am pleased about this. The English department at Western also did things like this.

Now, I NEED to get to sleep. I have to be up by 5:30. And I think I might be able to sleep through the night tonight.

I'm bringing my 'A' game today!

I set up my classroom today. I pulled from my stockpile of posters and other items to decorate, and then I tried to incorporate anything anyone was willing to sacrifice from their rooms. It is quite cool in there. I forgot to bring batteries for my digital camera, so those of you waiting to see pictures on MySpace will simply have to wait.

My bike repairs were completed early, so I picked up my bike today after dinner. I am very pleased with the work. The entire crank system had to be rebuilt, but I didn't have to pay for labor - just factory prices for the parts. It wasn't unreasonable.

After returning home, Jeremy was called in to work. Instead of the typical 1.5 call time, he was told to be there in 45 minutes, which is in violation of his contract. The union will eat this up! He plans on calling his rep after the trip. He is a new employee, so he is trying to stay in everyone's good graces. He will return tomorrow, so all is well that ends well.

Other things...other things...

My rosebush is thriving! I bought the little potted plant around Mother's Day, and I planted it outside shortly thereafter. It is currently about ten times the size it was then. It is constantly blooming and because the roots are doing so well, I will not have to dig it up for the winter. All I have to do is make sure I heap a little more mulch onto the base and let it go dormant. I will have to trim back foliage when it starts to bud in the spring, but that is nothing! I want to dig it up, though, when I move. I also want to dig up my dwarf Alberta spruce. The other plants can stay - well, maybe I will splice them and plant them in pots and build them up to full plants. I have two pumpkins, several acorn squash, and many gourds growing out back. I am excited to get into the spirit of fall time.

My colleagues and I have planned the first 21 days of English 12. We will have all of our paperwork completed by the end of the week! As far as German 1, I have everything from last year, so everything is ready to go! I will have so much less stress from the high school - I will be able to focus on grad school.

Mike and I will try to put in one last Ann Arbor thing this weekend. I like that we both can unwind so easily there (I'm certain it's the alcohol).

Noelle's husband will be returning home early next week.

I am becoming more confident with singing and playing the uke.

And the coolest thing for the night? My laundry is just about done! Now, I can focus on sorting items for donation and the dumpster. I love getting into cleaning like this!

New school year

I found no trouble waking early today. I have to get to work by 8 for a staff meeting. Yesterday, I began to set up my classroom - people seemed amazed that I could pull things together the way I did. I think they forget that I have been teaching for five years now, and this past year was the only year I didn't have my own space; I was on a cart, traveling from room to room.

My mentor teacher gave me a DVD player for the room, as well as a stockpile of German stuff. How nifty is that!?! I will post pictures of everything once I put up my posters (they are still awaiting lamination in the library).

I like new beginnings. I saw students yesterday as they picked up their schedules - I am ready for school to start up again. I am even more eager to start grad school.

More later - I have to put several items away in my classroom before my meetings. Catch you all on the flip side!

TC

Jeremy and I visited Traverse City, Old Mission Point, Leland, Northport, and Suttons Bay yesterday. I cannot remember the last time I walked so much in one day.

It was a great place to go to get away, even for such a short time. The weather was absolutely beautiful! We dipped our feet in the water, checked out several places, and watched a sailboat race. We viewed a few houses, but we both know it will be quite some time until we can move up there permanently.

I just hope that once I get my bike back and Jeremy gets his tuned up, we will spend a weekend or two this fall riding from TC to Old Mission or Suttons Bay and back. We maintained our calorie-counting consumption process, which actually worked very well on the road. I don't know how we let this thing get out of hand.

The drive home last night was okay, too. I was exhausted from not sleeping the night before and walking all day, but I was able to steer us home with Jeremy falling into intermittent naps.

...having a supportive and close family is a bad thing

Today, Jeremy and I decided to attack the pile of wedding information we've accumulated. We have narrowed our list, but we are running out of time if we want to book the place we want for next August. Our first choice was only available on a Friday night, which would not work, so our second choice is hopefully going to work out (I think it's a much nicer ballroom, personally). We started to price everything. I am really surprised average prices have risen so much since Autumn's wedding three years ago.

I've never really been all that into weddings, so I feel like I have no compass. Jeremy doesn't know what he wants, either. I prefer to look at the situation as though Jeremy and I are just easy to please and open to almost anything. That should make it easier, right?

Our guest list is going to be really short, aside from family. The places we like (and can afford) just won't accommodate a huge party. My family is huge, so I have to forgo the idea of having all of my friends see me get married and then celebrate with us. To think, Jeremy had an issue with some of the people on my list of friends - one in particular in Battle Creek - and we argued about it. Now, I realize that we wouldn't be able to have those individuals there, anyway, due to capacity restraints and such. Why does my family have to be so close-knit? Ugh...I am acting like having a supportive and close family is a bad thing. Weddings are just not good for one's mental health!


In the middle of contacting different halls, Jeremy received a call from work - he had to report within 90 minutes for a flight or two tonight. I'm happy that he won't be gone for days, but it sort of puts a crimp in what we were accomplishing. The two piles of contact forms (yes, I created fill-in-the-blank forms - I'm such a nerd!) now have to become one, and I don't have the time to get to all of them today. I have to get ready for rehearsal tonight, and I've been playing the ukulele to relieve stress. I can't call places tomorrow, as I will setting up my classroom - I am even taking in my mini fridge from college! Jeremy agreed to help, so maybe I will hand him the list while I decorate bulletin boards and hang posters. I've already rearranged the room and started to organize books and such, so that is good.

Other random thoughts:
My bike won't be ready for another week. I want to hang out with Mike soon. I need to compile all of my detailed lesson plans in binders before the year starts; that will save so much time and energy later on. I also need to order my textbooks for grad school. My instructors were nice enough to provide the syllabus early so that we can get the books cheap and such. How nice is that!?!

...

I took my bike in for some much-needed repairs (the chain and several teeth on one circular disk have been destroyed). Unfortunately, TREK no longer stocks these particular components, so the bike mechanics are going to rebuild the entire thing with an updated drive section. When dealing with a pricey bike, things like that are rather pricey. I love my bike, though, and I haven't been able to use it. When trying to shift gears, the chain pops off.

Perhaps I should take one of the bike mechanics courses offered through REI. That could help a great deal.

Anyway, I won't have my bike for a couple of weeks. I will have to walk more, which is fine.

Cheeseburger in Caseville

Jeremy and I drove up to Caseville yesterday to visit his parents (for his father's birthday). The annual Cheeseburger in Caseville celebration was in full swing, so we walked around town and listened to various performers. Later in the afternoon, we took the dingey out to the swimming area to watch the annual cardboard box boat race. What a hilarious little event! Jeremy wants to "build" one for next year. I am all for it.

I also would like to start participating in the Red Bull Flugtag. I am trying to convince Jeremy to fly us down to Austin, Texas, to check out the event next weekend. He will most likely have to work. Perhaps I should just go alone. I would hop a flight back and get ready for my teacher workweek immediately following.

This week, I plan to set up my classroom and create my first quarter's worth of assignments. I may hang out with a couple of friends (perhaps a girls' night out!!!). I will get my bike fixed, get my cuckoo clock fixed, and get my entire townhouse organized. I have a new system in mind for storage. It will make life so much easier!
I also need to visit several halls and find out how much this wedding is going to cost.

Wedding money and phone calls

I slept in so late today. That's nothing new, but I had really wanted to get up and start viewing reception halls and such. My mother has finally given me a range. My parents are planning to pay for most of my wedding. I am shocked. After they had spent the money they set aside for my wedding on my sister's wedding in 2004, I thought I was just out of luck. Jeremy's parents plan to help with the bar, which is so nice of them. They had stated that they would not be help with any wedding costs, as they had to pay for their own wedding, but they must have had a change of heart.

Now, I just need to find a hall and reserve it. That is step number one.


--------------------------------------------

Just a little message to everyone out there. While I appreciate receiving phone calls, I would appreciate it if you would not call (or text, for that matter) after 10/10:30 at night. I am trying to get back into the rhythm of waking up early (to teach all day and attend grad school in the evenings). I do not have a land line, so my cell phone is usually on. I get quite annoyed if calls come in late.

Some of you are as close as family, though, and if you need me for ANYTHING, you can call ANYTIME. You know who you are.

Acquaintances with non-emergency calls should not wake me up from much needed rest. And you can assume that I will be unavailable after 10 on most nights.

I don't answer calls that show a number is "withheld", "unidentified", "blocked", or "anonymous" or whatever else the screen might say. I am not trying to be a snot about this, but I do expect a certain level of courtesy here. If you choose to not identify yourself, I don't want to receive your call. If you can't get on board and understand where I am coming from, then perhaps we shouldn't stay in contact.

Oh, and one more thing...if you have my number, please don't give it to others without my permission. That is presumptuous and incredibly rude.

Frankenmuth and Birch Run

I had so much fun today. Mostly, Jeremy and I walked. And walked. And walked.

I bought a few German items for my classroom, and a LOT of new clothing and shoes. I bought nine pairs of shoes and sandals! The GAP Outlet store had a 90% off sale, and I was able to get 30 and 40 dollar items for a few bucks each. What a great deal! I may post some pictures of my new shoes and my trip to Frankenmuth on MySpace - I just have to find my USB cord. Then, everyone will be able to see my life from the past four or five months. I spent more money at Nautica, but the pants and jacket look great! It's rare for me to find clothing that truly fits me properly. Maybe that means I need to change me.

I need a personal trainer and a personal chef. The trainer would have to be the drill sergeant type who is not afraid to see me red-faced and dripping with sweat, while the chef would have to be able to force-feed me and keep me from eating anything not "on the list". Perhaps I could make this a reality if I win the lottery tonight.

Jeremy and I may fly somewhere tomorrow. The problem we are facing is that there seems to be no room on the returning flights. Maybe we just need to go to a less popular place.

The Hills

I went for my interview today. It went well. I hope I am asked back for a second interview. Now, I just have to be patient. That is not my strong suit. I drove around Rochester Hills for a while prior to my interview. I can't believe how many houses are on the market there. I cannot afford them, but it's nice to dream.

Updated my FAFSA forms today - I wasn't going to take out loans for grad school, but if I do get the job, I won't be full time. The position is .8 and I need to make sure I have enough money to cover everything. I just hate the idea of adding to my education debt. The payoff will be worth it. I can maintain my teaching license, continue to work, and make a hell of a lot more money.

Jeremy and I are going to Frankenmuth tomorrow. I am all for getting out of the area for a day.

Now Hydrated and Not Sleeping

I don't know if I really messed up my system the other night or if this is the return of my insomnia, but I really can't sleep. I can't seem to focus on my Vonnegut novel, either.

I am feeling stressed about:

my interview on Monday
the new school year at either school
getting out of my lease and moving (I don't feel safe here)
lesson plans
wedding plans
cleaning my place
decorating my place (if I can't get out of my lease and move in the next month)
starting grad school ($4000. tuition bill + books + parking permit + incidentals)
keeping up with fitness goals


Jeremy just tells me to 'relax'. Telling someone this only serves to make them more stressed, because it is impossible to relax. There is far too much at stake here.


I've decided I will probably help my mother with her garage sale next weekend. I haven't yet told her this, but I want to assist my parents in getting rid of the stuff that stresses them out. When closing time hits, I will probably load up a bunch of their items and donate them. My mother would never do this, and the act is necessary. My mother may need an intervention. She has closets full of baby clothes that she has been collecting over the years - Autumn and I have no children. We don't plan to have them for a number of years.

My mother also collects baskets and rugs and dolls and suitcases and tents and shoes (although I think she has some of my clogs and I am trying to find them) and blankets and pillows and tables and figurines and picture frames (I took a handful last month) and salon equipment and dishes and pedestals and much, much more.

I am afraid she will turn into my grandmother - hoarding away EVERYTHING. I have pack-rat tendencies, too, but I am trying to fix them in my twenties here.

Gay bar & a hangover

Gay bars are so much fun!

I hung out with two of my straight guy friends last night. We barhopped for several hours and then hit a gay bar. While one of the guys and I had a smashing time out on the floor - I was pole dancing, dancing with random men, and being plain silly - the other just sort of slipped away. I was initially dancing with both guys, but guy #2 went off to sit somewhere. He was not thrilled about being in a gay bar, even though he has no issue with gay people. I think he was just hoping to find some interesting women. And being hit on by men is not really his cup of tea. He took each invitation to dance as a compliment, but that wasn't what he though the night would end like.

I got home and tried to sleep, which didn't work. Well, not right away, anyway. As my body "healed", I started to feel really ill. I have never before experienced a hangover, but I am fairly certain that that is what I was feeling. I tried to swallow two liters of water, but I couldn't hold it down. My eyes were screaming when I turned on lights. My body didn't ache, and my head really didn't hurt. I was somewhat dizzy, though. After a number of hours, I was able to slip into a nice restful state. I woke up to drink water and nibble on pizza crust while watching The Two Coreys (fucking lame - what a waste of my time!). Then, I got my mail and watched the Samantha Brown: Passport to Europe (Germany, Switzerland, and Austria) DVD I ordered for my German classes this year.

Jeremy called to see if I want to fly up to Traverse City tonight, but I don't think it's wise. I have an interview on Monday morning, and I would rather not risk being bumped from flying back tomorrow night. I wouldn't be able to make it back on Monday until afternoon if that happened, and thus, I'd miss my interview with one of the best districts in Michigan. I also need to update my teaching portfolio and practice interview questions (people forget how necessary that is). I also need to study up on Spanish - I will have to demonstrate my competence not only in English but German and Spanish, as well.

Upcoming Interview

I set up an interview with one of the best school districts in Michigan for a .8 German/World Languages position at a middle school. While I feel confident that the job would be fun and I'd be comfortable teaching the subject matter (despite the BASIC Spanish that I'd have to teach for 3 weeks), the fact that it is .8 does worry me. The extra time off each day would be conducive to my full grad schedule, but the lowered income would be a concern. The district may offer tuition reimbursement that could actually make this job worth it in the long run, though.

My current district offers nothing as far as tuition reimbursement even though I am REQUIRED to gone on for more education. I currently do not receive any sort of funding for any professional development. Other districts in which I have worked have always allocated money for this - it's standard operating procedure - even at the Catholic school where I wasn't paid enough to live.

The interview carries with it the idea that that district in northern Oakland county is one that would be great to work for. The 95% college entrance rate for graduates is impressive for any public school district. I could be very happy spending the rest of my career in a community that values education.

Read

Visit Reenee's blog and find out how creepy Mike's "Not-A-Boss" is!

Having grown up around a photographer, as well as his affiliates and various studios and forums/organizations, this photographer's behavior is uncharacteristic and totally unprofessional.

Teeth

I am having the recurring theme of losing my teeth in my dreams. While the dream is always different, losing teeth is always the same. This last dream was so realistic that when I woke, I was completely shocked to learn that I still have my teeth.

Perhaps I should just stop sleeping altogether.

The Return of C-boy

I finished watching The English Patient and decided to check my email. I was thrilled when I opened it and saw that I had received a message from C-boy. If you aren't aware of who C-boy is and the odd story there, I am sorry; I am going to leave you in the dark.

As I opened the email, I was greeted with a brief message about his having to endure his first day of teaching for the school year tomorrow (he's a recent transplant to the south and his school year is starting quite early). After this little declaration, he spewed a small string of profanity that just brightened my day. An excerpt from that message: fuck shit piss. How can one not laugh at that?

Since he had started dating a woman at work last school year, he and I hadn't really had a chance to hang out. We had been hanging out regularly up to that point. It takes him a while to warm up to people, and he has a terrific sense of humor. I had actually forgotten that until I read his message.

I have no doubt his female students, as well as his gay male students, are going to be experiencing crushes and such quite soon. The students at my school were heart-broken to learn that he was not going to return next year.

I hope to hear from him again soon. And I hope he kept one of the congratulation posters I made of him and posted around the school to hang in his classroom. I enlarged two pictures from my HS yearbooks(his freshman and sophomore years when he had long hair and definitely looked like a total stoner), and posted them where everyone could see them. He was very pleased that I had done that. I would be horrified if my HS pictures made it out into the general population (well, I MIGHT allow my senior pictures but certainly not freshman year).

It sucks that another one of my drinking buddies is gone. He'll just have to visit, or I will have to fly down to Atlanta (I can do that for free!), and we will hit the bars there. That could be a fun, little adventure.

That's probably a bad idea.

The Brotherhood of the Traveling Pants

This is not eloquent or planned...I just made a connection with a book, and I thought I'd explore it...


I wouldn't call my uncle Bill's death 'untimely'. My uncle Bill was just entering his 80s and had been ill for some time. The last time I visited him, his 6-foot body was quite frail at a meager 130 pounds. You may remember reading something about that on my MySpace blog. He still had his pleasantness about him, even though he could have been angry that he would soon be taken from everyone in his family. He was decently aware, despite the Alzheimer's. He may not have been able to speak all that loudly or know all of our names if tested, but he always knew that we were family and that we belonged near him.

Several people spoke at the service. First, a chaplain from the hospice center read some prepared statements from several family members and friends. The first was from an old military buddy whom he had befriended during WWII while they both were still in boot camp. This man couldn't make the trip, but he let us all in on how they had formed two lives that intertwined so many people and decades. The man had actually set up my uncle on a blind date with his fiancee's best friend, Shirley (my aunt). We listened to stories about golf outings and my uncle's hideous plaid and patchwork golf pants.

These same pants also showed up in the tale from my uncle Gary. He relayed how he and my dad spent so much time with my aunt and uncle as kids (my dad was actually born after my aunt and uncle married - how crazy is that!?!). He made up nicknames like Gar-hart and Will-helm and called them both 'girls'. My uncle and my father, being the youngest of seven, grew up with my uncle Bill being a brother to them - not a brother-in-law. He was always a fixed point in the family. As they grew older, he took them golfing, and my uncle Gary would make fun of the ugly golf pants my uncle seemed to treasure.

My cousins, Uncle Bill's daughters, spoke next. I wasn't expecting K. to share a funny story about her parents and their odd forms of fighting, but it was good to remember that they were both extremely unique people. During an argument one year, my aunt left to go shopping. She found a carved piece of wood in the shape of a hand flipping the bird. She bought it and would move it around the home at eye level to signal that she was upset with him. While this sent a message, it in turn, helped her find humor in the most frustrating situations. T. spoke next and used her time to share more sentimental ideas that she isn't really known for expressing. The loss of her husband in a semi v. man accident in 2005 has definitely made her a much more compassionate person. I've always known her to be brash and a little detached from emotion, but it simply poured out of her.

My uncle was cremated and the urn sat on a counter near a poster covered with images from his life. The pants even made it, although they are now sealed in a glass frame.

The annual family golf tournament, which has always been a "quest for the pants", is now to be named after my uncle. Many of my uncles and one cousin have "won" this award. My father won them, even, and decided to 'slim down' so that he could actually put them on. Those hideous plaid and patchwork pants have been passed on, year after year, from relatives to friends and back again. These pants have united generations within my family, and I am grateful that the men will continue to have something that my uncle Bill could leave behind - not only an annual golf tournament prize but a sense that they belong to something larger.

The weekend belongs to Mesaba

Jeremy just received a call to report to work tomorrow morning. While it is great that he will be earning money, he was told he would have at least one more week before being called. Apparently, Detroit is in need of on-call first officers and so they decided to call in Jeremy, who is actually based in Memphis for August. It is good that he will probably spend the month flying trips that he wouldn't normally get (and they'll be out of Metro) until his official base change to Detroit on September 1st. I am just irritated because I canceled plans with friends to accommodate a trip to Chicago. I don't think I will get my little vacation at all this year. I may either fly or drive out to the west Michigan coast later in the weekend to see him (he will overnight in a decent little town and that could be different). Until then, maybe I will get to visit with MV. I also will probably visit with the folks and discuss wedding budget stuff (yeah, they said they'd 'help' but I need to know what that really mean$).

I think I may also use this time to plan my lessons for September. There is no sense in waiting - Jeremy will be home again early next week, and I would rather use that time to visit with him.

The way we were

I miss how we were before we started the whole wedding-planning nightmare. Today, our arguing has shifted from venues to guest lists.

We will be happy with almost any venue, although our first choice location was only available on a Friday night. This wouldn't work well, as it is so far away, and most people wouldn't be able to get there. It has a beautiful view and very affordable catering and other services. I just wish Saturday was available. That is only day that we could really have a wedding so far away and still have our families and friends show up.

The main issue now is that there are people on my list of friends who Jeremy does not want at the wedding and reception. This will be an uphill battle. I know money is tight, but I'd like to have some of these friends there. Jeremy will not budge on taking these individuals off the list. Some are obvious reasons; some are not so obvious. We've now reached the point of just staying quiet about the subject. I know I need to respect his concerns, but these people are friends and I'd like for them to be included in the celebration. Oh, what am I to do? I will probably make him take several people I'd rather not see off of his list of friends. I hate that that would be a compromise. It just seems spiteful and immature.

House Hunt

Although Jeremy and I have decided to stick it out for another year in our current rental, we are eagerly searching for a house. I am hoping that we will have a solid lead, if not a home of our own, by this time next summer.

I have just witnessed too many things living here.

Yesterday, eight or nine teenage boys decided to set several items on the playground on fire, fueling the flames with a bottle of lighter fluid. While this was going on, I saw several drug deals. The cops weren't as helpful as they've been in the past.

A couple of nights ago, Jeremy and I looked out the sliding glass door to see police cruisers and a number of youths. It turns out there was some sort of fight stemming from a drug deal gone bad. At the end of the ordeal, at least four people were arrested and taken away.

The kids here are absolute pieces of shit. A group of African-American males dismantled the tables at the pavilion. These same kids scream obscenities at each other all hours of the day, which is not appreciated by me or any of the families who like to take their kids to the playground (or those who need to sleep). My next-door neighbor likes to have her family over, which is her prerogative, but all they do is scream (happy, angry...it doesn't matter).

I caught a kid touching Jeremy's car yesterday. I don't understand the total lack of respect for other's things. Well, maybe I do. I can understand that if all of your shit is a mess, then you probably resent those who do have nice things (even though you could, too, if you took care of your own stuff). He walked away quickly, and I haven't seen him touch it again.


I am just ready to enjoy my own space with, God-willing, a decent amount of land. I found the best possible deal today on a house built in 2005. It has almost everything Jeremy and I want. The location is exactly where we want. The catch? We don't have jobs in the Traverse City area. I doubt the house will be on the market long enough for us to wait it out another year.


Jeremy did go for a nice walk today in the 95-degree heat. It was actually pretty nice. I picked up fliers from several houses for sale in Canton. There were a couple in a decent neighborhood that offered some unique amenities. Maybe we will just get our "starter" house around here, and then save up for our dream house in Traverse City.

So glad

I am so glad Jeremy came home on Saturday.

a late night

I am home again from a late night of drinking. I didn't think I would return so late, but one must be open to that sort of thing when drinking.

It was a good night. I got giggly drunk fairly quickly. I continued drinking, but I managed to sober up around 2:30. I sat by my drinking partner's side while he left a memento of his experience in the flower box outside some shop. When I sobered up, I tried to convince him to let me drive him home. That was a no-go. I'm not quite sure why. Eventually, after some drunk calls to his buddy, he seemed to sober up. I followed him home and toured his new house.

I still find it incredible that people our age are settling into houses and neighborhoods. I know this is about that age, but I don't have a house - I assume everyone has my goals, my dreams, my expectations. I am nowhere near where I want to be when I "settle down".

...

It's 5:30...Dawson's Creek is on. I can't believe I am sitting around waiting for the sun to come up. I can't sleep...I am nowhere near needing sleep. I slept last night. I think I will clean the kitchen and fold the rest of my laundry. The thing is...I should probably pour myself a few glasses of wine, just to get this all moving along. I am a really dedicated housekeeper when intoxicated.

visitors

I think two of my teenage cousins will be visiting this weekend. I should probably step up my efforts to clean up the pigsty that used to be my living room!

Now, I just need a new place for my teaching materials.

what we don't say

I felt brave enough to post something here a few minutes ago, but I decided to simply erase it. I haven't erased it from my mind, so I am certain you will all read it at some point. But, that time will be much, much later.

Why do we leave things unsaid? Am I alone in this? What am I so afraid of? What are some of the things you all wish you hadn't left unsaid?

indoors

I thought I would get out and jog today, but I really wasn't up to it. I wasn't up for anything today, despite my cheery disposition and feeling healthy. I did open a few boxes that I had stored in my basement some time ago - I was surprised to find that there was yet another box of my writing. I thought I had compiled it all into two bins. Apparently, I have some other writings floating around here.

I organized a variety of teaching materials for my next curriculum planning session with Jesse. There really are teachers out there who inspire you to be a better teacher. He does this for me, and he says I do this for him. I think this year is going to be wonderful. I just have to find my inflatable palm tree to give to him. He is helping me with getting German stuff, and I am helping with his Bob Marley inspired design. I have so much stuff from teaching at the middle school that will be perfect for his room, which will be right next to mine!!! I've decided how I will set mine up, for the most part. I received my posters, flags, and other items from several companies. The next step is getting my cuckoo clock repaired so that I have an authentic German cuckoo clock in my room. I also want to unleash some of my creativity and create the "Rathskeller" feel with posts and sloping ceiling (there are several ways to accomplish this - I just have to see what I can afford, what is allowed, and how much time it will all take. I want my students to feel that they are in a very unique place that ties them to Germany. The hard part will be incorporating the English/Literature stuff, even though I've done that many times before. I don't have a lot of bookshelves or anything, but I do have some alternatives that will make the place very different from some of the other rooms in the school. I need to digitize my plan and post it at some point soon. Or, better yet, I will just do it, and then post photographs. I can win awards for stuff like that through several German teacher organizations. I want the money! I want to express myself artistically. I want to make my students feel like they are part of the culture.

Other thoughts...I think I will try to get to Munich for Oktoberfest. I am not a huge fan of crowds, but I think the beer will help. Plus, how could my school be upset with me if I took my two personal days for an authentic German experience? I would not promote drinking to my students or anything. Most of my students see me as a straight-laced homebody who does not have a life. If they only knew! There are a handful that I've kept in touch with who now see me as a friend, I suppose. I think in a year or so, when they turn 21, I may meet them at a bar/brewery in the Kalamazoo area. That would be a riot!

I am busy turning many of my work papers into Word files...and either PDF or JPEG files. I just don't want the clutter, and as long as I back them up in several places, I should be fine. I am still working on my stories, but I always create a hard copy of that stuff. Most teaching stuff can be duplicated or adapted from other teachers' stuff.

weekend update

Last night, Mike A. took me out to dinner in Ann Arbor. I am truly impressed with Cottage Inn Pizza. After dining, we walked around Ann Arbor. I took pictures of some of my favorite places. I just hope I find the USB cord so that I can upload my photos to MySpace (I realize I haven't been able to post any of my pictures from the past several months). After we walked a bit, we went to the Heidelberg for beer. It was a nice to end to a really nice weekend.

I hope to hear from Mike V. about hanging out on Tuesday. Summer is starting to narrow to the end, which will help keep me sane, I think. I just don't know what to do with myself when I have this much freedom from responsibility.

I have a concert on Wednesday, and then Jeremy will come home for a couple of days, only to leave again for a few days. Then, he will probably have about two weeks off, during which we will travel around and visit, view, research, and reserve a reception hall for our wedding next year.

Discoveries and Ass Holes

I found Ass Hole's MySpace page. I had started looking through the links for high schools, as I've been trying to find my friend Donald. I couldn't remember which high school he went to in that particular city, so I started looking through all of them. Needless to say, I became a bit distracted when I happened to see Ass Hole's profile listing. I was actually in the middle of a really nice dialogue with someone in another window on MySpace, which I allowed to taper off.

The discovery changed my mood. I immediately felt that sinking feeling I used to feel sometimes - maybe you've felt something like it. It's like when you see something that startles you and your chest tightens and then you can't breathe in enough oxygen. I used to hyperventilate (Becky was always great during these episodes), but that did get better over time. The sensation moves low in one's belly and makes a little kick toward the spine. Then you feel that uneasiness that comes with moments like car accidents or injuries. For me, it usually is paired up with the a feeling of panic - the escapist searching for that 'flight' possibility.

I did look at his page - morbid curiosity got the best of me - and he now lives in a different state. I've been getting quite comfortable back in the Detroit area, but there was always a part of me that worried a little that I might run into him at some bar or another. Now I can rest assured that the probability of that is rather small.

While I emerged from that situation years ago unscathed - MOSTLY anyway - it still hits me from time to time that danger can lurk behind the facade of friendship. And although I could harbor anger and hatred toward this person, I don't. I can't go to that point and be thrilled that he is married and seems to have a good life, but I honestly don't want to spend my life wishing some other person ill will. I don't know if I've completely forgiven him in my mind - it's all just a bit too hazy, and I choose NOT to part the clouds and examine the issue. That is just how I am wired, but I can move forward with the wonderful things in my life. If I see him somewhere, I can simply tell him to 'walk away' as I had done when we had a class in common my senior year of college.

The situation did yield some interesting lessons. I learned about drunk frat boys/men and my own abilities when backed into a corner. Even when someone shows you evil or violence or whatever, one should at least find solace in the notion that they have witnessed it and can take care of him or herself appropriately. I am pretty sure he learned a thing or two, as well. At least I hope he did.

I wonder if his wife knows his secrets. I know of three women (myself included) who know who and what this man truly is/was...and what he thought he could try to get away with in college. Ass Hole + Massive quantities of alcohol + one caring designated driver/friend = disaster for the DD.

1. Never allow yourself to fall asleep if you are looking after someone who has been drinking.
2. Never watch someone alone - if the other people want to leave, make those people look after said person or come up with a new plan.
3. Take a self-defense course - you'll be glad you did. I am.
4. If something does happen - call the police immediately. Don't try to reason with the person after the fact - they won't remember it clearly anyway, and it will turn into 'He said/she said' scenario.

Even though the sinking feeling has dissipated, I don't think I will look for Donald tonight. I've had my fill of discoveries for the night.

"...A pretty nice little Saturday..."

I had lunch with Joe today, which was lovely. It was nice to catch up and learn what we missed as the years rolled by. I considered making this a Frank the Tank sort of day with promises of a trip to Home Depot and Bed, Bath, & Beyond (if I had enough time), but I just don't know about that right now. I do need to get nails, hooks, and screws to hang several pictures in my townhouse, and I want to go look for a kitchen scale at BB&B.

Instead, I stopped to see my aunt and uncle in Canton. My uncles, dad, and cousin were busy reassembling the garage (they moved it further back and off to one side a bit to accommodate the new camper and vehicles). I visited with them for a while and found myself feeling comfortable yet distanced from these people.

I can still go to the store. I have basically missed the art fair - I was more interested in walking around Ann Arbor, which I can do tonight with friends or this coming week. I also want to do some photography, both digital AND film. I am feeling that artistic spark again. Is anyone interested in exploring with me? I would love the company, plus I could practice portraits (of course with an artsy slant).

At the moment, I've returned home to check email and waste time filling out surveys. I am waiting to hear back from several people. If you'd like to do something tonight, please call or email me.

Saturday morning thoughts

Thought #1
I have been oversleeping this week. This is completely out of the norm for me, as I usually don't sleep much. I went to Ann Arbor last night with Reenee and her boyfriend. We had a great time. I just want to go back today. The trouble is finding someone who will go with me - I really don't want to go alone. The crowd didn't bother me, which is nice. I tend to shy away from events like this because I can't handle being around so many people.I am still waiting to hear back from someone to see if he'd like to join me today.

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Thought #2
Even though he is an older man, Harvey Keitel is quite sexy. I had never noticed before.

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Thought #3
Yoga is doing wonders for my overactive mind. I can't remember a time when I felt this peaceful about everything.

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Thought #4
I want to take up knitting. I love repetitious hobbies, and some of my favorite scarves and sweaters were knitted by family and friends just for me. How nifty would I be if I could return the favor?

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Thought #5
One of my pieces, a (long) short story needs a bit more work. I need to form a writing group here so that I don't embarrass myself by sending it out to an agent when it still needs something. Any interested folks out there?

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Thought #6
I can't wait to decorate my classroom. I miss the regulated life of teaching. I miss taking classes (which I am certain will stress me out this fall). I will be teaching full time, taking a full-time load of graduate classes, helping with German Club and other activities(including tutoring), and probably finding a part-time job. When I am this busy, I am the best student - I made the undergrad Dean's list like this, and I've been a 4.0 graduate student at both WMU and BSU with this same sort of schedule. Now it's time to take that same intensity to my official (current) grad program.

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Thought #7
I miss Jeremy. I hate that he has to be away for so long this summer. On the other hand, when he is away, I drop weight like there's no tomorrow. I eat healthier, I exercise more, I find ways to fill my time with friends (you're all sick of me, I'm sure!).

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Thought #8
Maybe I will have my wedding and reception in Charlevoix - at Castle Farms. I don't think I need a castle, but hey, it's an option.

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Thought #9
I need to hang my pictures. Perhaps I will do that tomorrow. I can invite my parents over for lunch, and then they will help me line everything up properly. I do spend a lot of time with my family. It's hard to believe that I ever felt that I needed to 'escape'. Maybe it's a good thing I went away to college when I did. I don't think I would be as close to them as I am now if I had not done that.

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Thought #10
I may buy that slip cover for my couch today. This place needs something...it's a bit drab, and I am NOT a drab girl. I will then paint my end tables and the TV table black.

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I think I will limit myself to these ten, for the moment. There are so many more, but I could end up sitting at the computer the rest of the day. I'd rather go walking around Ann Arbor.

Has it really been this long?

I just looked at the date of my last post. OMG! Has it really been that long?

I haven't been up to much, but I am anticipating some good times are about to roll again. Mike A. visited on Tuesday...I did well at my concert on Wednesday, although it was nothing special. Then I went to BW3 with Mike A. and Mike V. MV and I hit a couple of bars in Plymouth afterward. I was drunk, AS USUAL. It's strange to feel that pull toward intoxication being your "normal" frame of mind when out with certain friends (thank you, MV, for remaining sober and driving!!!). I was able to put that in check when I lived in Florida, but here, I am embracing the freedom that summer vacation brings.

I had to drop Jeremy off at the airport Wednesday afternoon, which was a little depressing, but I understand that this is how the industry works.

This weekend is Teresa's birthday; I just need to figure out which day she asked about taking a canoe down a river. (Isn't that a unique way to spend your birthday?) I have been asked to join someone for lunch, and I need to make sure I wouldn't be double-booking the day. Plus, my mother has been a bit focused on "bringing the family closer" since we've had a few deaths in the family recently, most notably and most recently my Uncle Bill. So, I have to almost clear my plans with her before committing to others. How weird parents can be...

Anyway, back to my previous thought, September and October don't really offer the same opportunities, although a hay ride or something might be a different change of pace (hint-hint, Jeremy). My birthday these last five years have been downright depressing. One year, I helped Jeremy move. Another year, no one called me until after 10 PM to wish me a "great day" (I had already had a bottle of wine alone and had decided to go to bed early). Last year, my mother bought my sister's favorite cake and then bought a gift that was too small (and, when pointed out, she said, "Oh, I didn't think you were that fat that you would need a bigger size!"). I think I could go for a nice middle-of-the-road mediocre birthday, at least. One with a cake (that I actually might eat) and gifts that suit me.

Jogging = Equilibrium

I went for a jog tonight - it really cleared my head. I only made it three quarters of a mile before I had to just walk for a while, but that is definitely progress! My knee is not hurting at all, either (I've been taking glucosamine tablets for the past week). I had forgotten how balanced I used to feel when I exercised like this. I just have to keep this up!

I would love to find someone to walk with around here. James, if you find yourself lonely on your walks, please stop by. I'd love to walk and talk.

The Heidelberg and other completely disjointed ideas

I recently learned that The Heidelberg in Ann Arbor is quite a venue. Club upstairs, nice restaurant on the main floor, and a traditional Rathskeller downstairs. They serve beer in a 3-liter glass boot!

I was going to attend the Ann Arbor Poetry Slam tonight, but I decided it might be good to stay in and organize my spare room (I rearranged the furniture so that I can set up ALL of my instruments). There's always the next one - the last Tuesday of July. Perhaps someone who reads this is interested in going with me. If so, please just comment, and I may be able to accommodate. I think I am more interested in the Rathskeller, to be honest. I still enjoy poetry readings and poetry slams (I should invite James D. to the next one, too).

As far as my spare room goes, I am in the process of collecting several bins of items to sell and donate. I think Jeremy will be shocked at the sparse look. I am tired of being tied to all of this junk. Welcome back that part of me that could be and leave all worldly possessions behind and travel the world (now, I have flight benefits, so this is KIND OF possible).

I spoke to Jesse today - next year, he will have the classroom right next to mine!!! He and I are planning to set up the 12th grade English curriculum within the next month - with the other English 12 teacher (complete with common consequences and procedures). He is one of the most creative and energetic people I know, and he says the same of me. What an awesome friend he has become! We will have a solid senior English program next year. He is even helping me to procure more German items (as I will also be teaching German 1 again). He will be leaving for Germany in a couple of weeks to stay with some friends, and he plans to bring me back a bunch of stuff to use for classroom decor. Meanwhile, I am helping him to find items that will go well with his theme - I've already told him he can use my inflatable palm tree and a box of other similar items. Hell, I can even pass along some of my more exotic plants, namely small tropical trees, when the weather changes and I have to bring them inside. I am really looking forward to this upcoming year.

As far as German planning, if I use the same items from this year, I am set. However, I want to introduce a much more student-centered and student-run approach that will follow the immersion format a little more closely than what my mentor has done, although I will use just about everything I did last year. I've already created my prototypes of documents and charts, complete with games and cultural activities (perhaps I will fly into Germany soon and spend some time learning drinking songs - it truly is a possibility now! I'm just waiting for my nice new passport.).

MV is recording more music. I'll have to get my hands on this CD, as well. Maybe soon he'll find himself a career in it and talk about when he "used to be an English teacher". More on that as times goes on.

I've finished several short stories recently, which feels really great. One has turned into something larger, but I am not sure how far it will go. Perhaps at some point soon I will share these writings with the world. They still seem too fragile yet. I am eagerly awaiting the poetry anthology that has another published piece within it. I know these things are mostly scams - but I chose this one because of the focus on education and its usefulness in my writing classroom. I find their purpose to be a good one, so I consider it a win-win. I am published, I paid my little fee for a book (there's no entry fee), and that money will hopefully go toward a student scholarship or contest award.

Other things...I need to hurry up and become active in the American Association of Teacher of German. They offer MANY opportunities for teachers to go to classes in Germany and travel throughout Europe on THEIR dime (well, my dime, as I have to pay dues). They also have some fairly substantial scholarships and awards for students.

I am also looking into the Student Ambassador program. I'd get to travel all over the world as a chaperone. This could be great for the summer or extended vacations. I don't mind keeping an eye on kids, and I want to travel. I'm sure I could find endless inspiration.

I found a very interesting (and FREE) site to track my fitness progress. I wish I were in the financial shape to hire people to show up and prepare food and scream at me like a drill sergeant to get my ass in shape, but seeing as I am not, I will have to make due. I think I will be able to get this going. I am walking and doing yoga already; the jogging is taking a toll on my knee, so I will have to cut back on that for now - just till I am in better shape, I suppose.

I feel like I have ADD today. It's time to get back to the spare room. My break is over, and I've still got a lot to do.

1408

Has anybody seen 1408 yet? I am considering going to see it and I'd love to read your thoughts about the movie.

Summer Lish

To whom it may concern - you know who you are...

The reason I surround myself with interesting (and often tragically flawed) people is that I am often afraid to just go out and live. I'd rather live vicariously through someone who does not have that little voice in his/her head that tells him/her to worry about the consequences. I like being the reliable one. I like being the responsible one. I fear making mistakes.

But then, we introduce alcohol, and there I am - stumbling alongside the wild ones, relying on others to make sure I get home. Thank you to those who look out for me.

I think this summer may surprise you yet. I choose to throw caution to the wind. I choose to laugh openly, drink wildly, and be that person Jesse and Mike spend time with. ReeNee and Beck see contemplative drunk Lish. I don't like her, do you? She's boring and whiny.

I choose to show the one-and-a-half beer Lish. She likes to wear feather boas and sing karaoke and dance like no one's watching and flash her fiance and make jokes and flirt and do yoga and put her hair in pigtails and ogle men and be outgoing and not apologize for poor grammar and foul language. Now, who wants to buy this Lish her next drink?

Dentist Appointment = Good Day

So, I went to the dentist, after not having gone in a very long time. Guess what!?!

NO CAVITIES!!!

I shouldn't be that surprised; I am meticulous with my teeth. I floss (using dental tape, which is WAY better for your gums) at least once per day, and I brush frequently. I was complimented on the condition of my teeth. On the other hand, three of my fillings need to be replaced, as they should have worn out years ago, so I made an appointment for next week to have them redone. There are small gaps between my fillings and the teeth, which is normal after time, but there is no damage. Now I am hoping my recurring dream of losing teeth will stop. I doubt it, though, as I believe that is symbolic of something else.

Afterward, I had lunch with my dad. Today was a really good day. I should have more of these.

Tomorrow may prove to be a good day, too. Jeremy may be coming home for a few days, and I have a concert.

Saving my blog

I made a (drunken) promise to Mike last night (this morning?) that I would not spend my weekend analyzing my life again. So...this is basically my placeholder. Ann Arbor was the place to be, as usual. Great drinks! Great conversation! The greatest company!!!

Questions from alcohol

I've been thinking about my interactions with alcohol these past six months. I over-analyze everything. Some of the more recent discussions and actions have left me questioning myself. These are not to any one person but many from months of being too drunk to drive home, etc. You figure which question is to whom. And then, feel free to answer...if you're feeling up to it.

Do we ever voice our lingering thoughts after drinking too much?
What did you mean you and your wife live totally separate lives?
Why would you tell me that?
Did we only get along because we both had been drinking?
Do you remember everything we talked about?
Why do you think that more alcohol will increase your chances?
Why can't you ever remember that I am engaged?
Do you remember anything we talked about?
Do you want to remember everything you said and everything I said?
Is there anything better than Riesling?
Was I overstepping boundaries?
Why do you keep trying to put your arm around me?
Do I fucking look interested?
What did it all mean?
Did we reach a new peace?
Did we connect like we used to?
Why was your hand on my back?
Did you forgive me in that moment?
What did it mean to you?
Would you want to talk again?
Did we say everything?
Do you understand me now?
How did we used to do this for so many hours?
Do you hate me?
Do you think less of me?
Do you think more of me?
Do you truly understand that hatred is not something that could ever exist from me to you?
Who am I to you now?
Can't you see the damned rock on my hand?
Why did I feel the way I did?
Was I trying to prove something?
Were you trying to prove something?
Are we competing?
What am I to you now?
Did I make you laugh?
Did I make you cry?
Will you lend me a shoulder again when things are tough?
Why do you keep picking me up time and time again?
What is everyone else saying?
Is it rude of me to ask if you remember our discussion?
Why did we walk the way we did?
Are you waiting for me to throw the next party?
Did you get the message?
Am I a better person when drunk?
Are you going to tell my secrets?
Should I tell yours?
Did I do anything to offend you?
Did I do anything inappropriate that did not offend you?
Can Ann Arbor be our drinking place?
Why did you start dating her, when you told me you wouldn't get involved with anyone at work?
Why did you finish my drinks?
Why did you stop hanging out with me?
Why do you shut me out?
Can we do shots again?
Can I get those terrible poems back I wrote at the bar?
Where did our novel-idea napkin go?
Will I ever be able to recreate that one night?
Will you take me out on the dance floor again?
Why do you let me drink before bed?
Why can't I let go and be wild?
What am I so afraid of?
Why do events from my past still stir up panic and fear?
Why do I scrub everything in my home after drinking?
How is it that I only plan to have one drink and wind up at the end of a liquor luge?
How does drinking make me even more introspective?
Why does my German improve?
Who is the life of your parties when I am not around?
How did you function without me?
Are we really friends?
Will you ever respond?
Did you ever say that to anyone else?
When you lingered in the hug, what did that mean to you?
What will you do with my information?
Will we still be friends six months from now?
How many times are you going to spill your drink on me?
What did the 'look' mean?
What were you planning on when ordering those extra drinks?
Did you really expect for the party to continue?
Why do you have to be so nice about it?
When are you coming back to do this all over again?
Why did you choose that drink on that night?
Will you hold my hair back?
Are you still nervous around me?
Are we friends again yet?
Do you mind if I flirt with you?
Where do you see this going?


Do I have a problem?

bloggety blog blog blog

Another Saturday just about gone. No plans for later.

Jeremy's in Minneapolis. I had considered hanging out with friends tonight, but I never followed through and called them. They never called me either, so I guess we're cool.

With summer vacation official started, I need someone to hang out with. I am tired of sitting around. I am already tired of cleaning. I am tired of not having an exciting life - I had one in college, I had one in Florida (which led to some unwanted attention from a coke-head - a story for another time), I had a great social life in Battle Creek. Paw Paw only lent itself to foster that side of me that loves nature walks and photography. I did meet a few people in K'zoo, though, and we had good times (especially when Mike drove in a took me to see Brian Vander Ark at Kraftbrau after a lovely dinner at Olde Peninsula). This year, I've been able to hang out with new friends from work. I could hang out with them every Friday, but I think that that will put me on the track I was in Florida, which is the path toward developing a drinking problem (you can ask Jeremy what I was like when he returned - I quit drinking - cold turkey - and experienced some interesting things). I want to see my old friends. That seems to take a lot more planning.

Who would like to hang out with me? Leave a comment or two.

Crying

Jeremy has been gone since Sunday, and I am a wreck! I've been sitting around crying like a child. I just miss him.

Storm rolling in. I should turn off the computer. Maybe more later.

Published again!

I don't know if I already wrote about this, and I am too lazy to check my old posts.

I am being published again!
It's just a short poem that will be published in an anthology of poetry (I know they take almost everything that is submitted), but it still feels good to know that I am taking a more active role in the process. I consider this to be another baby step toward a career in writing.
The last publication only went to the Language Arts Journal of Michigan, so only English teachers received it. Prior to that, I had small pieces published from contests in high school, as well as my letters to the editor in my school paper.

The truth shall set you free...or destroy everything!

I finally sat down with Jeremy and told him that I have many doubts about getting married. We both haven't really taken the planning seriously. He doesn't want to do anything, and I think most of the stuff is bullshit. We talked about how we both need to change, especially when it comes to keeping our home in running order.

I told him that, lately, I've definitely been noticing other men who are my type. Jeremy is exactly my type - broad-shouldered, dark brown/black hair, green eyes, taller than me - if only he didn't have the beer gut. I know that the only reason these other men are enticing is because Jeremy has been disappointing me. I don't like that, all of a sudden, I am thinking about possibilities with new people. He didn't like that, either.

We decided to create a new system for cleaning and storing things (I just made a printout of my usual checklist for cleaning, etc.). I used to have him trained. Yes, I said it - trained! That is what women do. It was when he lived in the townhouse with all of those guys (after he moved back to Michigan while I was still teaching in Florida) that every chore he was accustomed to doing was no longer an expectation. In addition, we have decided on preliminary dates (we have to check with our first, second, and third choice locations for the reception and ceremony). We looked at tuxedos. I think I have narrowed down the style of dress I want. Now, we just need to figure out who will officiate the ceremony, flowers, bridal party, etc.

I think I am finally finding some excitement in all of this.

Risk II

I bought a bunch of discount games for my PC. Among them - Risk II. I can't stop playing it!

Seeking focus

I am always looking for something, whether it is a class or a friend or a new book. When does this behavior subside?

I am about to do another round of job searches in specific districts around Detroit.

I am making pierogies for dinner. I haven't decided what to have with them. I'll most likely heat corn and Morningstar Chik'n patties.

I will be scrubbing my bathroom and kitchen tonight. I cannot live comfortably when these rooms aren't clean.

I replanted several plants and brought in a couple that have issues with temp's in the sixties.

I also need to figure out some stuff for Eastern. I still don't have my ID or parking permit. I haven't ventured out to the book store, which is a problem. I may have a reading assignment due at the first class.

Performances

My concert went really well. The percussion ensemble was excellent; I am so happy I decided to join it.

I purchased tickets for my parents, Jeremy, and my sister plus her husband. I was glad to see them, but I was cranky toward the end, and I just wanted to go home. I felt I had spent enough money for the day, and I will see them tomorrow when we meet to celebrate my mother's birthday (Monday).

I tended to my garden and flowerbed today after I attended the school hug (a lame-ass attempt at creating community awareness and unity). I put on the supportive and happy teacher face in front of the parents, though.

I feel so angry right now. I don't know if it is the fact that my band season is done for a couple of months or what. I just feel as though I am being let down.

I have a German teacher professional development workshop next Saturday in Kalamazoo, which sounds like fun. Plus, I can stop to see Laura, James, and Noah in Battle Creek. I think I should see if they all want to meet for a drink. I haven't seen them in so long!

Anyway...
I thought Jeremy and I would be all over each other upon returning home tonight, as things were just starting to heat up when I had to leave. Instead, it's the opposite. I am feeling angry now, and I just want him to disappear for a while. I am pretending to be in a much better mood - I am not going to be bitchy to him just because I feel like I am having a bad night.

I need to get back into shape. I need to run. I need to do yoga. Maybe I just need some cabana boy to help keep me limber and keep my heart rate up! Just kidding.

Kcin called me prior to my concert. We talked for a short while on the phone - it's been so long!!! I will be calling her very soon to set up dinner or something. We've used myspace to catch up a little, but she and I were so close a long time ago - especially when her brother was dating my sister. Perhaps I will set up a girls' night out with her, Reenee, Beck, Krys, Teresa, and a few others.

Damn...I'm up; I'm down. I haven't felt a roller coaster like this in many years.

Sherman Alexie

I went to see Sherman Alexie tonight. What an awesome reading/performance!!!

I will be posting a picture of Alexie and me on my myspace soon. I may also upload some of the audio recording. The man is hilarious.

He signed one of the books I purchased which could not have pleased me more.

Interviews

I stood in lines most of the day today. I attended a teaching job fair at EMU, and I experienced some of my very best interviews! I am now checking that everything I submitted electronically is accurate and complete.

Tonight, I will be going to hear Sherman Alexie in Ann Arbor.

Then, I will come home to celebrate the (7th) anniversary of my first date with Jeremy.

What a great day!

sunshine and cleaning go hand-in-hand

I woke from some terrific, dream-filled sleep. My cold is subsiding, which is a Godsend, but I still don't feel 100 percent. I am accomplishing much of the stuff that I wasn't able to do yesterday. I still need to bring the table up from the basement and take the exercise bike down, but many of the other items on my list from yesterday are done. I am going to gather all of my donation items today and tomorrow and drop them off this week. I am tired of living in a home with clutter.

I really want to entertain company soon. I was thinking of hosting a Memorial Day barbecue, but my buddy Eric beat me to the punch and is hosting a cocktail party. Jeremy and I will probably head over to Grand Rapids for that. I haven't seen Eric in a very long time - I wasn't able to make it to his wedding a couple of years ago. Eric and I were pretty close during my college years. We formed a writing group that was extremely helpful in my development as a writer. I still send off my manuscripts to him.

Perhaps I will come up with some other excuse to have people over. Then again, do I really need an excuse? I just need to get my place in order for people to visit. Life just keeps getting in the way. Not today, though. The only responsibility I have is to show up at rehearsal at Jeff's tonight at 7:30. Perhaps Jeremy and I will find a new runner (rug) for our hallway. We can go and pick out shelves for the living room.

Jeremy seems to have settled down. His company is dicking him around again. First, he was told he would upgrade to captain. That disappeared. Then he was supposed to be enrolled in the next class for jet training. He just learned that that is not a possibility. The chief pilot has been dangling carrots in front of almost everyone to motivate them. Now, Jeremy is spending his time sending out resumes to other companies in the area. He has an interview lined up with one that will make life so much better financially. On the flip side, he will be gone seven days at a time. I actually think this would work best for us. I am extremely independent, and I wouldn't be stressed with having to take care of him daily. This arrangement wouldn't work, though, if we decide to have children.

At wit's end...

I have an awful cold, and Jeremy is being a dick. I think he believes he is being helpful by sitting on his ass and not bothering me, but there is so much that needs to be done here. After three hours now of asking him to go to the store for me (he felt compelled to first email his buddies, talk on the phone, watch TV, and sit around), he is going. And what am I doing? I just folded HIS laundry and straightened a portion of the basement.

I am miserable. I wish he'd just leave for the day. Unfortunately, though, his company canceled his overnight trip tonight. I just need to be left alone.

Today, I still need to:

clean the kitchen
move the table from the basement into the kitchen
wash dishes
wash clothes
revamp my teaching portfolio
vacuum
clean my bedroom
clean the bathroom
clean the spare room
practice for my upcoming concert
grade student work
create lesson plans for the rest of the year
decide on a novel to teach
email or call Ryan
email or call Mike
move the exercise bike to the basement
arrange the basement so that it is more living space
dust furniture and electronics

AND I CAN'T EXPECT JEREMY TO HELP WITHOUT A FIGHT.


Why is he treating me like his mother?
I am considering moving into the spare room. My bed is already set up.

I am so sick of this shit. He acts great for a while, and then, when I need him to support me, he turns into an ass hole. I take care of him when he is ill, but for some reason, I don't get the same treatment.

Lately...
He's lazy.
He can't stay off the phone - perhaps I will cancel his service. After all, I am the one who pays the phone bill.
He's short-tempered.
He's selfish.
He's reluctant to help me with anything.

The main problem is that I love him too much. I probably let this happen.

He just left for the store - we'll see if he brings me what I asked for...

Registered

I was finally able to register for my spring classes. I also took the last seats available in two of the classes I want to take in the fall semester. I could have my MA by the end of summer '08! The best part - it is NOT one of those lame-ass excuses for an MA that many teachers are "buying." It is from an actual university that requires attendance and reading and homework and lecture. I know that I could have easily completed the garbage degrees just to make more money, but I really do take pride in my education. I like having a challenge. I like knowing that the paper is truly worth something. I just couldn't justify spending money on something that would not lead to the next step - earning my Ph.D., which is still several years away. I am planning to take on the combined English and Education doctoral program at U of M.

Well, back to the present here...

Tomorrow is my last day until April 16th. I really do enjoy having vacations sprinkled throughout my career. I have much to do in very little time.

1. plan the remainder of the school year (with a condensed version for my graduating seniors)
2. clean my apartment (I have a temporary plan for my living room - I can't afford new furniture with tuition payments in the works)
3. unpack everything that has been sitting in the basement
4. attend rehearsal for percussion and band
5. attend a two-day conference at MSU
6. get all of my paperwork, ID, parking permit at EMU
7. meet with my advisor and see what I can complete as independent study over the summer, seeing as there are no course offerings that I need, and I can't really see how taking the summer off would be beneficial in the long run
8. garden
9. take my bike for a tune-up
10. meet with Ryan and help him with interview questions and help him put together a teaching portfolio
11. scope out wedding sites

I really want to hang out with friends next week. Who's free? I think I will have most evening open.

There is...

... a lot to think about.


Are we finally at peace with whatever demons used to lurk in the eaves?

Do you remember anything?

Do I want to know what you are thinking?

Do you want to know what you are thinking?

Do you want to know what I am thinking?

Did time stand still long enough for us to catch up?

Do some of you truly believe I hate you? I only deleted you from my phone, my friend list, and my email - not from my life. I've tried to bridge the gap. We need distance and time. Call when you are ready.

Is this an end or a beginning?

We're all grown up now, huh?

The last seven days of my life have been thought-provoking. I have experienced interesting moments, as well as inspiring moments. Trips down memory lane don't lead where they used to. Angry proposals didn't lead to anything. The soundtrack of my life has, once again, been altered to serve my upcoming performances. The possibility of financial freedom in education comes with a income-seeking burden.

I just wish I had my camera with me. I could show the setting or people affiliated with each of these episodes. Some of the scenes were Dawson-esque.

Perhaps you shared these moments with me. If you were, thank you. You have decorated my life.

Amazon update and other ideas

I contacted customer service at Amazon. They are sending another copy of the book I ordered but did not receive. Yay for them! Yay for me!

The only irritating thing is that I really did need that book this week for a project my students are completing in my German class, and Amazon won't rush it out to me unless I pay extra.

I should just write my own teacher guides for teaching German and sell them through one publisher (or my mentor teacher and I can compile all of her materials from the last fifteen years). I already have prototypes of several of the product ideas I'd like to sell. There is no reason for foreign language teachers to have to make new items every year. There is also no reason to overcharge for relatively simple products that are just time-consuming to create. I think I could get this rolling fairly quickly, too.

I am realizing that my life has not been as boring as I previously thought.

This is not a complete list, but still some of the things that have shaped my life thus far...

Since the turn of the century, I have...

started and continued a wonderful relationship with a great man.
taken on leadership roles in a variety of organizations (in college and in my career).
earned my bachelor's degree in four years with two majors and a minor.
moved to another state and started a career.
made new friends (including people from all walks of life - even a coke-head or two! Trevor, in particular brings to mind many interesting tales).
adopted two cats
moved back to my home state and continued to carve out my career path
taken graduate courses at two universities and maintained a 4.0 graduate GPA (Western was decent - one class included a day of drinking and writing in Saugatuck! Ball State has awesome journalism courses!)
worked at four different schools, each with a very different emphasis on educational philosophy.
helped to plan my sister's wedding
stood up in a wedding
learned how to salsa dance
been a "regular" at several bars.
developed a taste for wine
been trapped in a public restroom with Reenee (there's nothing like screaming for help to an empty beach, right Reenee?)
been unsuccessfully pursued by several men.
taught English, Language Arts, journalism, percussion, and German
attended weddings of friends
thought I found God or some other deity.
severed ties to some friends who really aren't sincere (and I don't regret my decision)
lost God or whatever.
been accepted into grad school (my classes start in May at Eastern)
reconnected with many friends from the past (I visited with Krysten and Teresa a month or so ago. I went out to Boogie Fever with Reenee and Beck on Friday. I went to dinner with Will on Monday, which was totally cool! I haven't laughed so hard in a long time. I bumped into Noah in a random bar in Ypsi. I found Laura on MySpace.)
been published (and more is on its way!).
gotten engaged!!!
bought my very own washer and dryer set.
purchased two brand new vehicles.
left music and returned to it in full force.
have met one of my heroes - Desmond Tutu
have talked to Russell Simmons on the phone.
won a Smoothie-maker.
received a certificate of appreciation from the White House during Cheney's visit to Battle Creek.
attended the 2005 Kellogg's "World's Longest Breakfast Table" event where someone was shot.
Lost relatives.
Gained relatives.
had my car shot at (Gifford, Florida).
lost control over my brakes while driving in Florida (great story about seeking help from a "local").
lost total control of a car but managed to avoid several deadly possibilities and the car made it out in perfect form, too (miraculous story there - yes, I've spun out of control and ended up in a ditch without a scratch or bump on me or my car).
had to use self-defense moves I learned from a course in college.
injured myself during physical training
purchased a really good moutain bike (hills, here I come!)
been sexually harassed at work.
reported sexually harassment.
successfully rid myself of obsessive-compulsive tendencies (although a little too well...)
started doing photography again.
found and lost and found and lost and found inspiration for writing.
embraced growing older.
found myself enjoying who I am now.
starting focusing on the future.

I need to stop now. It's late and Jeremy is finally home. I need to go to bed.

Dinner Out!

I met Will for dinner tonight. I knew it would be a great evening of catching up, but I didn't expect for time to move so quickly. I was laughing so hard that my cheeks were cramping. I really haven't laughed like that in quite some time...perhaps since the last time Will and I spoke.

We spoke of who we were and who we are. He told me of being intimidated by me back in the day - I had decided to sit with him at lunch one day after never really speaking to him all the years our lockers sat almost next to each other. Although he was shy at first, a great friendship started. We have lost touch with each other several times, and I will not let that happen again.

Argh!

Amazon didn't include a book in my order, but they did include it on the accompanying invoice. If it were just a novel for me, I wouldn't be that upset. However, it is a book for teaching German, and I have been waiting a while for it. What an irritating surprise!

Does anyone know if they are good at fixing their mistakes or am I going to have to bitch-slap someone?

More cancer

My mother called me this evening to let me know that my Uncle Don may have cancer. He went to the hospital for a biopsy of a lump in his abdomen on Wednesday. He's been losing weight and this lump seems to have been growing larger.

I've lost a large number of my relatives to cancer. It's inevitable with our genes. I just hate that this uncle may pass soon. He is very health-conscience. He jogs the beach in Florida every morning, eats very healthy, and has a wonderful life. I grew very close to my uncle and aunt during the years I lived in Florida. Their house was almost like my parents' house - not in style or size but warmth and expectations. Uncle Don and my father are the most alike of all of my father's siblings (and he has four remaining siblings; he used to have six siblings). I saw these two somewhat as parents while I lived far away from my own; they saw me as one of their grandchildren (which is fitting, as my actual cousins are my middle-aged - I fit in better with their children, agewise).

And now, I am left with the task of finding focus to write lesson plans, grade papers, and getting geared up for another week of teaching high school students about purpose in writing. How do I separate myself? How do I simply do what needs to get done?

The Ides of March

Worked.
Went to rehearsal.
Planned lesson for tomorrow.
Still need to create a quiz for German.

No backstabbing.

Good times.

New Furniture

Jeremy and I went shopping for a new accent chair for our living room. I found one I really like at Art Van, and luckily, Jeremy likes it, too. I am hoping that we can go pick it up tomorrow. I am tired of our oversized furniture everywhere. I also think I have a plan for our oversized couch. Since we cannot afford a new living room set (I had my eye on a red loveseat and new end tables), I think I will buy new stuffing for the cushions, as well as some new accent pillows that will tie in the colors and the decor style.

New MySpace layout and other useless information

It's official...I'm totally addicted to MySpace. I decided to revamp the look. While it isn't as personalized as I would like, it looks much better than it did.

Does this really warrant a blog entry? No. I'm just having trouble finding my rhythm during my midwinter break, and my newfound inspiration is only leading to somewhat tawdry short stories and (extremely) short scripts, which I have no intention of sharing at this juncture. What I should really be focusing on is poetry - I need to start teaching poetry this coming week. I'd like to teach everything through a slam poetry approach, but I don't know if my school really embraces that. I should ask, but I am afraid of what I will hear.

I remember going to poetry readings as a teenager. Not a single one of my students has been to one (or no one is willing to admit they had attended one). If I had my own room instead of teaching from a cart, I think I would be able to convert the space into a coffee house and show them what something like that would be like. I found them exciting. I learned peoples' secrets and fears. I learned about perspective through others' metaphors.

I am considering asking James to come in to talk to my students about slam poetry. He has been involved with numerous slams in Kalamazoo and Battle Creek over the years, and I think his explanation and demonstration could really reach some of these students.

Any thoughts out there?