Rain is falling outside from the Nor'easter where I live.
It's been a while since i wrote anything for myself other than the nightly notes in my journal.
I am not okay.
I am overwhelmed and overworked at all three of my jobs, and I am struggling to keep up with my regular chores lately. I am also heartbroken.
Someone gave me the biggest dose of hope I have received in years...only to dash out those hopes several months later because my flaws outweigh his interest in being with me.
He also started dating someone else - a woman he previously was adamant he had "zero interest" in - so that stings a bit, as well.
It hurts knowing that people can be so careless with other people's hearts, and it hurts even more that this particular person could be that way since we've always sort of been a safe harbor for each other to help each oher through hardships, heartbreak, and stress throughout our nearly thirty-year close friendship.
I'm usually the person who patches him up and glues his shattered heart back together after each of his breakups, while he typically helps to walk me through my feelings to logically assess situations, and I think we've finally created a situation in which I will no longer be able to be that friend.
I already feel guilty for already knowing that whatever goes wrong in his current relationship, I just don't and won't have it in me to be there for him if and when it falls apart.
On one level, I guess there is freedom in that, even though it currently hurts. That will fade with time.
I am sad.
I am lonely.
I am hurt.
I'll just be here under my rainclouds, listening to music and throwing myself into my work to keep myself occupied.
Go and be good people!
