tests, lunch, naps, chores, and the kindness of strangers

I woke early to take a teacher certification test today (the ONLY test I have ever failed in the past). I did learn that the test editors FINALLY fixed the grammar portion, which is a blessing because for the last ten years the old German was being assessed. All of the changes went into effect in 2002, but no one had really checked the test. I am hoping to have my scores in a timely fashion. I have a major in German, so I am allowed to teach it, but it looks a lot better for highly qualified status if I've passed the test. Plus, with the new requirements with the class of 2016, I will have had to eventually pass the test anyway.

When I arrived at the testing site, I realized that I had lost my pencils. I am not usually an absent-minded person, but this time, I just don't know what happened. I asked a stranger if she had an extra and she did. I hope something nice happened for her today.

After the test, I took a short nap. Jeremy and I then met his family in Royal Oak for lunch. I really like that place. It makes me think of Traverse City, with the bustling downtown area. When we returned home, I took another nap while Jeremy got ready for work. When I woke again, I began my list of chores (mostly laundry). I will tackle the bathroom and the kitchen soon (after a short ukulele break).

Wow. It's Saturday night. I don't have papers to grade. And this is how I CHOOSE to spend my time. At least my clothes will be clean.

energy

I finished grading papers a little while ago. I have yet to enter the grades online; I just want to draw this out for some reason. I still need to put together my lesson plans. I have no desire to do anything, really.

My mind is racing. I feel almost 100% now.

definitely feeling that witchy feeling...

The tulip and crocus bulbs I planted over a year ago are sprouting. I didn't know that they would do that two years in a row! It was a nice surprise to see little purple flowers budding in front of my place. I can't wait for the roses to bloom again.

I felt much better today than I've felt in over a week. I am still coughing a little, but I am able to sleep.

I finished my first draft of my Harry Potter paper. I decided to call it 'Harry Potter and the Impact of J.K. Rowling's Political Consternation. Yeah, I'm a nerd.

The 9-page handout for my presentation for my literary criticism class is done, done, done! And it looks sharp! Andrew and I will be discussing Marxist criticism, New Historicism, and Cultural Studies (and how they serve the same literary piece in different ways).

I have some of my revisions done on my literary criticism paper that I need to discuss with my professor on Wednesday night before I turn it in.

I am so glad it is warming up. I can't wait to ride my bike outdoors. I can't wait to go for walks in Hines. I can't wait to make my camping and other vacation plans for summer.

I'm ready, world!

I was off to a slow start today just because I am feeling a bit under the weather, but I am finally feeling like I can accomplish anything. I should work on my paper revisions, but I'd rather clean the basement.

I played the ukulele for about three hours today. It was just lovely. I plan to keep playing well into the night, even though my throat is scratchy and I can't sing.

Returning to normal

Overall, today was a decent day. I was tired at work - not so much from my three-hour weep fest last night (which coincidentally hits every third night Jeremy is away) but more from my own boredom with so many of my students who refuse to study. I have resorted to daily quizzes to get them back in the habit. I hate being that teacher, but most of them have checked out mentally for the year. I do want my students to learn, and my boss is constantly telling us that when a child is not earning an A or a B, it is our fault rather than acknowledging the reality of the child not doing what they are expected to do. Any child who does not succeed in any course is simply told to "do better" while we teachers are stuck in meeting after meeting about what we must have done wrong. I dislike the administration versus the teaching staff scenario. It is akin to parent versus teacher problems that end up just pissing off everyone involved - and no one is putting the responsibility on the student.

Anyway, back to my decent day. No students showed up for test retakes or tutoring today, so I was able to leave fairly quickly. I read a little James Joyce for class (I LOVE DUBLINERS!) and then vegged out for about an hour.

I made dinner for Jeremy (low-carb mini margarita pizzas - homemade, homemade tomato-basil soup, and homemade garlic bread using the bread I baked yesterday). Yes, I was little Susie Homemaker today. It felt good to step back from some of the larger issues in my life and relax. We had planned to go to the gym, but I found more homework to complete. I've had a difficult time fighting this cold of mine, so maybe it is for the best. I wouldn't want to pass this along.

We watched some of the bonus features on The Office DVDs.

I did not drink today, and I am okay with that.

...

I almost hit a deer on my way home from class tonight. I imagined careening into the ditch while screaming. I usually find myself so wrapped up in just-as-vivid daydreams while I drive, so this really shouldn't have stuck with me the way it did. It made me assess some aspects of my life. I realized that I am simply keeping pace with my life.

I haven't been writing much poetry or fiction lately. I have been writing blog entries and such, but there doesn't seem to be much more.

I haven't been embracing my studies like I should. I have been waiting until the last minute to do everything. Up until now, that's been fine. Now, I have a lot of large assignments that I don't really care to complete.

I am bothered by walking across Eastern's campus at night. I've NEVER been one to be afraid, so I keep trying to reason with myself. I suppose this reaction is to the numerous muggings, rapes, and murders on that campus in recent years.

I am half-assing the teaching gig. We are in the middle of a snow-day-filled quarter. This week is broken up by the MME. I just don't care all that much lately. My students refuse to study. They refuse to complete assignments (and not because they don't have the necessary materials to do so - they tell me that they are just "too busy." Then drop German, ass holes!).

The only person I hang out with regularly is Jeremy.

I need a life. Seriously.

Birthday gifts

Jeremy celebrated his 30th birthday on Thursday. I brought home an ice cream cake from Carvel, which pleased Jeremy (and Mike A., who I often find in our living room upon my return home from work). I opted to not attend rehearsal, and Jeremy and I drove to his parents' house for dinner. I bought Jeremy The Office: Seasons 1 - 3, and I've been watching them ever since. It almost like I bought them for myself. It's Jeremy's favorite show. I love that we both love the show.

My only real issue with the show is that I identify with characters on the show. I know that that is one reason that people watch TV, but I like being able to escape everything that portrays anything like my own life. If I am in front of the TV, there is probably something I don't want to consider, and seeing it on screen just makes my own worries that much more troublesome (and obvious).

waiting

Despite sleeping well last night, I didn't wake up and go to the gym. Instead, I tried to take it a bit easier - I got ready for the stupid bridal show, went to the ATM, put gas in my car, you know...the daily crap that always gets in the way of life. At the moment, I am waiting for my mother to arrive. I will not be letting her in. My place is that cluttered right now. I have teaching stuff EVERYWHERE!

I decided what to do with some of the extra kitchen stuff. I am going to put all of it in the teacher lounge at work. I am tired of looking at stacks of dishes, and the teachers never have enough plates and silverware in the lounge, anyway.

I wish my mid-winter break at work and spring break at school coincided. I would love to be able to get the hell out of Michigan for a while. Jeremy and I could have flown somewhere warm.

I will be hitting the gym later this evening. I am considering going to during Simpson's time. I'm sure there will be on at least one of the sets.

quiet time

Some random thoughts...

1. I like that banks are FINALLY trying to disguise checks when they send them. They now look like packages from cigarette companies. I find it strange that I know what cigarette companies send, considering I am very much against smoking.

2. I imagine how distraught I will be the day one of my cats dies. I don't know how I will keep from doing something stupid.

3. I do not have many secrets, but I do have a few that could change my life drastically if I divulged them. Some better, some worse.

4. I think the rest of my life will fluctuate between contentment and being miserable. I don't see a lot of middle ground.

5. Sudafed lowers my heart rate a great deal. I was having trouble sustaining a good aerobic heart rate while exercising at the gym tonight.

6. I have no idea who I would like to see as our next president.

7. I haven't done anything teaching-related all week! I have so much to do tomorrow.

8. I hate that my mother is dragging me to yet another bridal show on Sunday morning. I'd rather be working out - and I don't like working out and exercising all that much.

9. My place is drafty.

10. I am a terrible house-keeper lately.

11. I want to throw my couch in the dumpster.

12. The rattling component in my dryer stopped moving tonight. I keep checking to see if everything is done.

13. I gained back all of the weight I lost last year. I can't wait until the weather turns warm again. I want to hit the trails again with my bike. I really don't like the hamster-in-a-wheel approach to fitness. I can understand going to the gym for machines and weights, but I HATE jogging/walking/climbing stairs/biking on machines.

14. I would bet money that most of my senior English students haven't done anything for their test on Tuesday.

15. I have to order more items for my classroom - that is, if I don't leave the school for another job.

16. I really want the job in TC. That would make my life so much better. I'd be living near the water and forest. I'd be so much happier! Except for the fact my family is around here and my closest friends are here, as well. I couldn't go out with the Mikes or with Maureen regularly. Mondays with Mike V. wouldn't be a possibility at all. He might move to Chicago, anyway. His girlfriend is moving in about a week, and I'm sure he is considering a move, too.

17. I should go to bed. I have to wake up early and work out. Then I am going to a bridal show. Then I have all of my planning and grading to do. I then have a presentation to plan, as well as three papers. I think I will be okay, though.

humbling

I met with my personal trainer today. Now that was a humbling experience. I kept a good pace with the cardio stuff, but strength-wise - I got nothing! I couldn't even do a full push-up properly (damn those old teachers who always said "Do a girl push-up!" I should have never listened to you!!!). I am not very flexible, which shouldn't be a surprise as I haven't done yoga in quite some time. My former instructors would be so disappointed in me.

So, Jeremy and I really hit the gym today. I did forty or so minutes of cardio and I started with some machines (I am thinking I should focus on building some strength again - that way I can follow through with some of the different programs more easily). I didn't attend the class I wanted tonight, as I didn't get my homework done as quickly as I had planned (I suppose I can write my three remaining papers tomorrow during the day).

I am happy to have this week-long vacation right now. I was a bit frazzled.

Drunk again

I've missed this feeling.

If only I could feel this way at work. I am better with alcohol. I am laughing at Family Guy - a show I really don't enjoy while sober.

I have to get to bed soon. School tomorrow. Plus, I have a job to apply for - AND - I have a paper to write. It's nice to just take a night off, though, to relax and break away from routine.

Now, I am watching Scrubs. Life is good.

I need to call about several houses this week, as well as several reception halls.

Thursday

On Thursday, I helped Mike H. with his photo shoot. I really miss photography. I think I will enroll in a program at a community college after I finish my Master's degree.

Snow Day!

I am so glad that I didn't hop in the shower when my alarm sounded this morning. It's a snow day, and I am going back to bed! Or maybe I'll start my day with The X-Files right now.

busy, busy, busy

Having contracted a cold a couple of weeks ago, I now find myself struggling to pull everything together. I haven't been cleaning my place the way I like to, mostly because I am already struggling to breathe. I've been trying to rest and not overwork myself. Yesterday, I took a break from everything - I didn't worry about homework, I chose not to obsess over making the bed perfectly, I went out to dinner with Melissa (Thanks, Melissa! The margarita was excellent!), and I watched more of The X-Files, Season 3, with Jeremy (when he returned from helping his father dismantle the old office in their house).

The goal yesterday was to enjoy life. The goal today is to complete everything for the week, including massive reading assignments, a plan for an upcoming presentation, a short paper, laundry (I can get that done before 5 PM, I think), clean, clean, clean, watch more X-Files, play music, call a few friends, go for a walk AND ride my exercise bike, and go to bed early (I am still quite sleep deprived).

I should go. The litter box won't clean itself.

balance

Many of those nagging thoughts/insecurities/curiosities that were really taking over my life seemed to have subsided. I hope this isn't temporary. I rather like feeling like I am in control of my emotions and imagination.

My classes are going well. I especially like my Harry Potter course, although my other course seems to be something I will not hate all that much - it's theory, people...what else can I do but hate it?

School is okay. I still have to type the final draft of the German 1 exam. My English 12 students are all set. I have my grading mostly complete.

Mike V. called today. He had a voice lesson, but he still wanted to meet in Ann Arbor. I suggested we wait until things aren't so hectic (maybe the weekend - or, at least, Thursday). He also thought that was a good idea. Although Mike and I always have a blast in A2, there is simply too much going on right now. He said he should really spend some time with his girlfriend, anyway, considering she is stressed over her upcoming move to Chicago in March. And I have all kinds of homework and schoolwork. It was nice that we talked, though. I love that we are so routined.

Mondays seem to be Talk-to-Mike days. Does anyone else have this sort of thing with their friends?

worse

It is worse to feel alone that to truly be alone. I wish Jeremy could finish his training early and come home. Everything feels empty without him.

grrr...

Many of you know how I feel about my school. This doesn't help.

A different kind of Mike.

Today (er, yesterday?), Mike K. and Noelle came over for a visit. It was nice to have yet another Mike visit my place. Usually Mike A. comes over. Mike V. has been over once (we typically meet in Ann Arbor). Mike (Autumn's husband) has been here several times. There have been other Mikes, too.

Anyway...we sat and shared our stories. I was surprised that Mike hasn't really changed much. On the phone, he doesn't come across that way. In person, he seems to want to make things almost larger than life. I don't mean that he exaggerates; I mean that events that shaped him in high school have now become a major part of his world view. I suppose I had forgotten how intense his personality can be. It was a nice visit, nonetheless. Noelle was quiet. She and I can usually talk up a storm, but it seemed that she was slinking into the shadow of Mike. I didn't like seeing that. There should always be a balance. I couldn't see it. I hope everything is okay. Noelle says that things are fine, but I worry. She is my fraternity "brother" from college. We used to hang out a bit on campus back in the day. I knew her before her first marriage. I was there when things went sour, and she had to leave him behind. Mike was busy idealizing high school, and I realized that while my behaviors and certain patterns are still there, I don't think the way I used to. I guess I thought everyone changed the way I did. I didn't expect for Mike to tell me that I should go find my Dorothy costume (he told me that when he saw me wearing that costume in 1995, he started to like me). Who says that in front of their spouse!?! Or the woman's fiance!?!

When they left, Jeremy was quiet. I immediately became worried, because Jeremy is a regular Chatty Cathy. He said that he is surprised how normal I am. He has met a number of my friends, and is often surprised that I am the way I am - a little eccentric but relatively mainstream normal (at least in what I display to the world). This is not to say that my friends are freaks or anything - most of them aren't. Some, though, are a bit out there. I do have friends who: opt to cross dress, opt to be Goth, opt to wear costumes, opt to cover themselves with tattoos and piercings, opt to live "alternative lifestyles", opt to be nudists, opt to take drugs (although I usually don't spend a lot of time with those folks), opt to grow thick beards and live in the wilderness, opt to go to Star Trek conventions (and wear Spock ears and pins outside of the events), opt to live "on the road", opt to live in communes, opt to designate days at home where they are only allowed to speak in lines by certain authors and poets (I am intrigued by this!), opt to attend psychic fairs and Renaissance festivals (yes, I used to spend a lot of time with those people), opt to be political activists, and more. I also have what Jeremy would call "normal" friends - people who go to school/college, go to work a standard job, meet friends and barbecue stuff, etc. I think he was just a bit bothered that we had a convicted felon in our home today for several hours. Seeing as Jeremy's bachelor's degree is in criminal justice and political science, I can understand how his perspective on life might not be aligned with our guest's.

It wasn't uncomfortable or anything. Jeremy just didn't expect someone coming over to our home, boasting about all of the people he had beaten up over the years, how he joined a hippie community in the Florida wilderness, how he used to like me when we were teenagers. I think that last part made Jeremy the most uncomfortable. And even more so when he learned that Mike also had a thing with my sister. That was actually one reason I never dated Mike - he kissed my sister. Strange notion. Ah, anyway...I should be hitting the hay. I have three more (10-page) research papers to grade for my seniors tomorrow. I also have to complete lesson plans, typing semester exams, organizing all of my teaching stuff, and starting my grad school work for the week (I am a bit worried about the class that I thought would be the easier of the two).

I think I might ask Mike V. if he wants to get together next weekend. His grandmother passed away, and I think he could use some support. I know his girlfriend is really picking up where I left off - he had been getting his support from me when he was single. She is so good to him, and I am certain she is making sure he feels cared for.

My sleep problems are back already. I noticed a difference in sleep patterns a few days ago. Perhaps I will read a chapter or two of my Harry Potter books.

Good night. Sleep tight. Don't let the bed bugs bite! [BITE, BITE, BITE!]

2 January 2008

2 January 2008

Today was uneventful, to say the least. I didn't really do anything special. Mostly, I tried to take care of a few maintenance items, like an oil change and washing dishes, with varying success. I received the Harry Potter series (Books 1-6, anyway) today. I jumped right in. I figure it will be better to be acquainted with the entire series before I start class next week. I am pleased so far; the books are really easy to read. I already read quickly - this just makes me feel like I am speed-reading. I don't typically speed read novels and such.

I haven't seen a listing for additional required texts for that class, as well as for my other class (I already have that book, although reading boring literary theory - philosophy - is not my favorite activity). I am just happy that I don't have the professor that was teaching the course last semester. She seemed friendly, but she was completely off her rocker.

1 January 2008

1 January 2008

My year didn't quite "kick off" the way I had planned. I slept in. I didn't go out for a jog, although I considered going outside to play in the snow. It didn't happen, though. I didn't tackle the basement, as I had hoped I would. I just left everything. Today was a day for lounging around and watching movies with Jeremy. I haven't been returning many text messages or phone calls - or emails for that matter. I've felt somewhat anti-social for a while now. I think it is just the craziness of the holidays. Usually I feel like jumping off of a bridge, but this year was a little easier. I just avoided things.

We made homemade pizza and I strummed my ukulele. Wendy finally joined MySpace. I finally have a convenient way to keep in touch with her.


In the morning, I need to call about a house I am interested in, make an appointment for an oil change at the dealership, contact two reception halls, maybe go dress shopping (with a friend, possibly), exercise, grade papers, do laundry, clean the kitchen and the living room, go to EMU to pick up my parking permit, clean my bedroom, and call a couple of friends. I also need to solve a couple of problems. I don't wish to get into those right now.