I am home again from a late night of drinking. I didn't think I would return so late, but one must be open to that sort of thing when drinking.
It was a good night. I got giggly drunk fairly quickly. I continued drinking, but I managed to sober up around 2:30. I sat by my drinking partner's side while he left a memento of his experience in the flower box outside some shop. When I sobered up, I tried to convince him to let me drive him home. That was a no-go. I'm not quite sure why. Eventually, after some drunk calls to his buddy, he seemed to sober up. I followed him home and toured his new house.
I still find it incredible that people our age are settling into houses and neighborhoods. I know this is about that age, but I don't have a house - I assume everyone has my goals, my dreams, my expectations. I am nowhere near where I want to be when I "settle down".
...
It's 5:30...Dawson's Creek is on. I can't believe I am sitting around waiting for the sun to come up. I can't sleep...I am nowhere near needing sleep. I slept last night. I think I will clean the kitchen and fold the rest of my laundry. The thing is...I should probably pour myself a few glasses of wine, just to get this all moving along. I am a really dedicated housekeeper when intoxicated.
Saturday, July 28, 2007
Friday, July 27, 2007
visitors
I think two of my teenage cousins will be visiting this weekend. I should probably step up my efforts to clean up the pigsty that used to be my living room!
Now, I just need a new place for my teaching materials.
Now, I just need a new place for my teaching materials.
what we don't say
I felt brave enough to post something here a few minutes ago, but I decided to simply erase it. I haven't erased it from my mind, so I am certain you will all read it at some point. But, that time will be much, much later.
Why do we leave things unsaid? Am I alone in this? What am I so afraid of? What are some of the things you all wish you hadn't left unsaid?
Why do we leave things unsaid? Am I alone in this? What am I so afraid of? What are some of the things you all wish you hadn't left unsaid?
Monday, July 23, 2007
indoors
I thought I would get out and jog today, but I really wasn't up to it. I wasn't up for anything today, despite my cheery disposition and feeling healthy. I did open a few boxes that I had stored in my basement some time ago - I was surprised to find that there was yet another box of my writing. I thought I had compiled it all into two bins. Apparently, I have some other writings floating around here.
I organized a variety of teaching materials for my next curriculum planning session with Jesse. There really are teachers out there who inspire you to be a better teacher. He does this for me, and he says I do this for him. I think this year is going to be wonderful. I just have to find my inflatable palm tree to give to him. He is helping me with getting German stuff, and I am helping with his Bob Marley inspired design. I have so much stuff from teaching at the middle school that will be perfect for his room, which will be right next to mine!!! I've decided how I will set mine up, for the most part. I received my posters, flags, and other items from several companies. The next step is getting my cuckoo clock repaired so that I have an authentic German cuckoo clock in my room. I also want to unleash some of my creativity and create the "Rathskeller" feel with posts and sloping ceiling (there are several ways to accomplish this - I just have to see what I can afford, what is allowed, and how much time it will all take. I want my students to feel that they are in a very unique place that ties them to Germany. The hard part will be incorporating the English/Literature stuff, even though I've done that many times before. I don't have a lot of bookshelves or anything, but I do have some alternatives that will make the place very different from some of the other rooms in the school. I need to digitize my plan and post it at some point soon. Or, better yet, I will just do it, and then post photographs. I can win awards for stuff like that through several German teacher organizations. I want the money! I want to express myself artistically. I want to make my students feel like they are part of the culture.
Other thoughts...I think I will try to get to Munich for Oktoberfest. I am not a huge fan of crowds, but I think the beer will help. Plus, how could my school be upset with me if I took my two personal days for an authentic German experience? I would not promote drinking to my students or anything. Most of my students see me as a straight-laced homebody who does not have a life. If they only knew! There are a handful that I've kept in touch with who now see me as a friend, I suppose. I think in a year or so, when they turn 21, I may meet them at a bar/brewery in the Kalamazoo area. That would be a riot!
I am busy turning many of my work papers into Word files...and either PDF or JPEG files. I just don't want the clutter, and as long as I back them up in several places, I should be fine. I am still working on my stories, but I always create a hard copy of that stuff. Most teaching stuff can be duplicated or adapted from other teachers' stuff.
I organized a variety of teaching materials for my next curriculum planning session with Jesse. There really are teachers out there who inspire you to be a better teacher. He does this for me, and he says I do this for him. I think this year is going to be wonderful. I just have to find my inflatable palm tree to give to him. He is helping me with getting German stuff, and I am helping with his Bob Marley inspired design. I have so much stuff from teaching at the middle school that will be perfect for his room, which will be right next to mine!!! I've decided how I will set mine up, for the most part. I received my posters, flags, and other items from several companies. The next step is getting my cuckoo clock repaired so that I have an authentic German cuckoo clock in my room. I also want to unleash some of my creativity and create the "Rathskeller" feel with posts and sloping ceiling (there are several ways to accomplish this - I just have to see what I can afford, what is allowed, and how much time it will all take. I want my students to feel that they are in a very unique place that ties them to Germany. The hard part will be incorporating the English/Literature stuff, even though I've done that many times before. I don't have a lot of bookshelves or anything, but I do have some alternatives that will make the place very different from some of the other rooms in the school. I need to digitize my plan and post it at some point soon. Or, better yet, I will just do it, and then post photographs. I can win awards for stuff like that through several German teacher organizations. I want the money! I want to express myself artistically. I want to make my students feel like they are part of the culture.
Other thoughts...I think I will try to get to Munich for Oktoberfest. I am not a huge fan of crowds, but I think the beer will help. Plus, how could my school be upset with me if I took my two personal days for an authentic German experience? I would not promote drinking to my students or anything. Most of my students see me as a straight-laced homebody who does not have a life. If they only knew! There are a handful that I've kept in touch with who now see me as a friend, I suppose. I think in a year or so, when they turn 21, I may meet them at a bar/brewery in the Kalamazoo area. That would be a riot!
I am busy turning many of my work papers into Word files...and either PDF or JPEG files. I just don't want the clutter, and as long as I back them up in several places, I should be fine. I am still working on my stories, but I always create a hard copy of that stuff. Most teaching stuff can be duplicated or adapted from other teachers' stuff.
weekend update
Last night, Mike A. took me out to dinner in Ann Arbor. I am truly impressed with Cottage Inn Pizza. After dining, we walked around Ann Arbor. I took pictures of some of my favorite places. I just hope I find the USB cord so that I can upload my photos to MySpace (I realize I haven't been able to post any of my pictures from the past several months). After we walked a bit, we went to the Heidelberg for beer. It was a nice to end to a really nice weekend.
I hope to hear from Mike V. about hanging out on Tuesday. Summer is starting to narrow to the end, which will help keep me sane, I think. I just don't know what to do with myself when I have this much freedom from responsibility.
I have a concert on Wednesday, and then Jeremy will come home for a couple of days, only to leave again for a few days. Then, he will probably have about two weeks off, during which we will travel around and visit, view, research, and reserve a reception hall for our wedding next year.
I hope to hear from Mike V. about hanging out on Tuesday. Summer is starting to narrow to the end, which will help keep me sane, I think. I just don't know what to do with myself when I have this much freedom from responsibility.
I have a concert on Wednesday, and then Jeremy will come home for a couple of days, only to leave again for a few days. Then, he will probably have about two weeks off, during which we will travel around and visit, view, research, and reserve a reception hall for our wedding next year.
Sunday, July 22, 2007
Discoveries and Ass Holes
I found Ass Hole's MySpace page. I had started looking through the links for high schools, as I've been trying to find my friend Donald. I couldn't remember which high school he went to in that particular city, so I started looking through all of them. Needless to say, I became a bit distracted when I happened to see Ass Hole's profile listing. I was actually in the middle of a really nice dialogue with someone in another window on MySpace, which I allowed to taper off.
The discovery changed my mood. I immediately felt that sinking feeling I used to feel sometimes - maybe you've felt something like it. It's like when you see something that startles you and your chest tightens and then you can't breathe in enough oxygen. I used to hyperventilate (Becky was always great during these episodes), but that did get better over time. The sensation moves low in one's belly and makes a little kick toward the spine. Then you feel that uneasiness that comes with moments like car accidents or injuries. For me, it usually is paired up with the a feeling of panic - the escapist searching for that 'flight' possibility.
I did look at his page - morbid curiosity got the best of me - and he now lives in a different state. I've been getting quite comfortable back in the Detroit area, but there was always a part of me that worried a little that I might run into him at some bar or another. Now I can rest assured that the probability of that is rather small.
While I emerged from that situation years ago unscathed - MOSTLY anyway - it still hits me from time to time that danger can lurk behind the facade of friendship. And although I could harbor anger and hatred toward this person, I don't. I can't go to that point and be thrilled that he is married and seems to have a good life, but I honestly don't want to spend my life wishing some other person ill will. I don't know if I've completely forgiven him in my mind - it's all just a bit too hazy, and I choose NOT to part the clouds and examine the issue. That is just how I am wired, but I can move forward with the wonderful things in my life. If I see him somewhere, I can simply tell him to 'walk away' as I had done when we had a class in common my senior year of college.
The situation did yield some interesting lessons. I learned about drunk frat boys/men and my own abilities when backed into a corner. Even when someone shows you evil or violence or whatever, one should at least find solace in the notion that they have witnessed it and can take care of him or herself appropriately. I am pretty sure he learned a thing or two, as well. At least I hope he did.
I wonder if his wife knows his secrets. I know of three women (myself included) who know who and what this man truly is/was...and what he thought he could try to get away with in college. Ass Hole + Massive quantities of alcohol + one caring designated driver/friend = disaster for the DD.
1. Never allow yourself to fall asleep if you are looking after someone who has been drinking.
2. Never watch someone alone - if the other people want to leave, make those people look after said person or come up with a new plan.
3. Take a self-defense course - you'll be glad you did. I am.
4. If something does happen - call the police immediately. Don't try to reason with the person after the fact - they won't remember it clearly anyway, and it will turn into 'He said/she said' scenario.
Even though the sinking feeling has dissipated, I don't think I will look for Donald tonight. I've had my fill of discoveries for the night.
The discovery changed my mood. I immediately felt that sinking feeling I used to feel sometimes - maybe you've felt something like it. It's like when you see something that startles you and your chest tightens and then you can't breathe in enough oxygen. I used to hyperventilate (Becky was always great during these episodes), but that did get better over time. The sensation moves low in one's belly and makes a little kick toward the spine. Then you feel that uneasiness that comes with moments like car accidents or injuries. For me, it usually is paired up with the a feeling of panic - the escapist searching for that 'flight' possibility.
I did look at his page - morbid curiosity got the best of me - and he now lives in a different state. I've been getting quite comfortable back in the Detroit area, but there was always a part of me that worried a little that I might run into him at some bar or another. Now I can rest assured that the probability of that is rather small.
While I emerged from that situation years ago unscathed - MOSTLY anyway - it still hits me from time to time that danger can lurk behind the facade of friendship. And although I could harbor anger and hatred toward this person, I don't. I can't go to that point and be thrilled that he is married and seems to have a good life, but I honestly don't want to spend my life wishing some other person ill will. I don't know if I've completely forgiven him in my mind - it's all just a bit too hazy, and I choose NOT to part the clouds and examine the issue. That is just how I am wired, but I can move forward with the wonderful things in my life. If I see him somewhere, I can simply tell him to 'walk away' as I had done when we had a class in common my senior year of college.
The situation did yield some interesting lessons. I learned about drunk frat boys/men and my own abilities when backed into a corner. Even when someone shows you evil or violence or whatever, one should at least find solace in the notion that they have witnessed it and can take care of him or herself appropriately. I am pretty sure he learned a thing or two, as well. At least I hope he did.
I wonder if his wife knows his secrets. I know of three women (myself included) who know who and what this man truly is/was...and what he thought he could try to get away with in college. Ass Hole + Massive quantities of alcohol + one caring designated driver/friend = disaster for the DD.
1. Never allow yourself to fall asleep if you are looking after someone who has been drinking.
2. Never watch someone alone - if the other people want to leave, make those people look after said person or come up with a new plan.
3. Take a self-defense course - you'll be glad you did. I am.
4. If something does happen - call the police immediately. Don't try to reason with the person after the fact - they won't remember it clearly anyway, and it will turn into 'He said/she said' scenario.
Even though the sinking feeling has dissipated, I don't think I will look for Donald tonight. I've had my fill of discoveries for the night.
Saturday, July 21, 2007
"...A pretty nice little Saturday..."
I had lunch with Joe today, which was lovely. It was nice to catch up and learn what we missed as the years rolled by. I considered making this a Frank the Tank sort of day with promises of a trip to Home Depot and Bed, Bath, & Beyond (if I had enough time), but I just don't know about that right now. I do need to get nails, hooks, and screws to hang several pictures in my townhouse, and I want to go look for a kitchen scale at BB&B.
Instead, I stopped to see my aunt and uncle in Canton. My uncles, dad, and cousin were busy reassembling the garage (they moved it further back and off to one side a bit to accommodate the new camper and vehicles). I visited with them for a while and found myself feeling comfortable yet distanced from these people.
I can still go to the store. I have basically missed the art fair - I was more interested in walking around Ann Arbor, which I can do tonight with friends or this coming week. I also want to do some photography, both digital AND film. I am feeling that artistic spark again. Is anyone interested in exploring with me? I would love the company, plus I could practice portraits (of course with an artsy slant).
At the moment, I've returned home to check email and waste time filling out surveys. I am waiting to hear back from several people. If you'd like to do something tonight, please call or email me.
Instead, I stopped to see my aunt and uncle in Canton. My uncles, dad, and cousin were busy reassembling the garage (they moved it further back and off to one side a bit to accommodate the new camper and vehicles). I visited with them for a while and found myself feeling comfortable yet distanced from these people.
I can still go to the store. I have basically missed the art fair - I was more interested in walking around Ann Arbor, which I can do tonight with friends or this coming week. I also want to do some photography, both digital AND film. I am feeling that artistic spark again. Is anyone interested in exploring with me? I would love the company, plus I could practice portraits (of course with an artsy slant).
At the moment, I've returned home to check email and waste time filling out surveys. I am waiting to hear back from several people. If you'd like to do something tonight, please call or email me.
Saturday morning thoughts
Thought #1
I have been oversleeping this week. This is completely out of the norm for me, as I usually don't sleep much. I went to Ann Arbor last night with Reenee and her boyfriend. We had a great time. I just want to go back today. The trouble is finding someone who will go with me - I really don't want to go alone. The crowd didn't bother me, which is nice. I tend to shy away from events like this because I can't handle being around so many people.I am still waiting to hear back from someone to see if he'd like to join me today.
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Thought #2
Even though he is an older man, Harvey Keitel is quite sexy. I had never noticed before.
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Thought #3
Yoga is doing wonders for my overactive mind. I can't remember a time when I felt this peaceful about everything.
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Thought #4
I want to take up knitting. I love repetitious hobbies, and some of my favorite scarves and sweaters were knitted by family and friends just for me. How nifty would I be if I could return the favor?
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Thought #5
One of my pieces, a (long) short story needs a bit more work. I need to form a writing group here so that I don't embarrass myself by sending it out to an agent when it still needs something. Any interested folks out there?
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Thought #6
I can't wait to decorate my classroom. I miss the regulated life of teaching. I miss taking classes (which I am certain will stress me out this fall). I will be teaching full time, taking a full-time load of graduate classes, helping with German Club and other activities(including tutoring), and probably finding a part-time job. When I am this busy, I am the best student - I made the undergrad Dean's list like this, and I've been a 4.0 graduate student at both WMU and BSU with this same sort of schedule. Now it's time to take that same intensity to my official (current) grad program.
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Thought #7
I miss Jeremy. I hate that he has to be away for so long this summer. On the other hand, when he is away, I drop weight like there's no tomorrow. I eat healthier, I exercise more, I find ways to fill my time with friends (you're all sick of me, I'm sure!).
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Thought #8
Maybe I will have my wedding and reception in Charlevoix - at Castle Farms. I don't think I need a castle, but hey, it's an option.
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Thought #9
I need to hang my pictures. Perhaps I will do that tomorrow. I can invite my parents over for lunch, and then they will help me line everything up properly. I do spend a lot of time with my family. It's hard to believe that I ever felt that I needed to 'escape'. Maybe it's a good thing I went away to college when I did. I don't think I would be as close to them as I am now if I had not done that.
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Thought #10
I may buy that slip cover for my couch today. This place needs something...it's a bit drab, and I am NOT a drab girl. I will then paint my end tables and the TV table black.
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I think I will limit myself to these ten, for the moment. There are so many more, but I could end up sitting at the computer the rest of the day. I'd rather go walking around Ann Arbor.
I have been oversleeping this week. This is completely out of the norm for me, as I usually don't sleep much. I went to Ann Arbor last night with Reenee and her boyfriend. We had a great time. I just want to go back today. The trouble is finding someone who will go with me - I really don't want to go alone. The crowd didn't bother me, which is nice. I tend to shy away from events like this because I can't handle being around so many people.I am still waiting to hear back from someone to see if he'd like to join me today.
-----------------------------------------
Thought #2
Even though he is an older man, Harvey Keitel is quite sexy. I had never noticed before.
-----------------------------------------
Thought #3
Yoga is doing wonders for my overactive mind. I can't remember a time when I felt this peaceful about everything.
-----------------------------------------
Thought #4
I want to take up knitting. I love repetitious hobbies, and some of my favorite scarves and sweaters were knitted by family and friends just for me. How nifty would I be if I could return the favor?
-----------------------------------------
Thought #5
One of my pieces, a (long) short story needs a bit more work. I need to form a writing group here so that I don't embarrass myself by sending it out to an agent when it still needs something. Any interested folks out there?
-----------------------------------------
Thought #6
I can't wait to decorate my classroom. I miss the regulated life of teaching. I miss taking classes (which I am certain will stress me out this fall). I will be teaching full time, taking a full-time load of graduate classes, helping with German Club and other activities(including tutoring), and probably finding a part-time job. When I am this busy, I am the best student - I made the undergrad Dean's list like this, and I've been a 4.0 graduate student at both WMU and BSU with this same sort of schedule. Now it's time to take that same intensity to my official (current) grad program.
-----------------------------------------
Thought #7
I miss Jeremy. I hate that he has to be away for so long this summer. On the other hand, when he is away, I drop weight like there's no tomorrow. I eat healthier, I exercise more, I find ways to fill my time with friends (you're all sick of me, I'm sure!).
-----------------------------------------
Thought #8
Maybe I will have my wedding and reception in Charlevoix - at Castle Farms. I don't think I need a castle, but hey, it's an option.
-----------------------------------------
Thought #9
I need to hang my pictures. Perhaps I will do that tomorrow. I can invite my parents over for lunch, and then they will help me line everything up properly. I do spend a lot of time with my family. It's hard to believe that I ever felt that I needed to 'escape'. Maybe it's a good thing I went away to college when I did. I don't think I would be as close to them as I am now if I had not done that.
-----------------------------------------
Thought #10
I may buy that slip cover for my couch today. This place needs something...it's a bit drab, and I am NOT a drab girl. I will then paint my end tables and the TV table black.
-----------------------------------------
I think I will limit myself to these ten, for the moment. There are so many more, but I could end up sitting at the computer the rest of the day. I'd rather go walking around Ann Arbor.
Thursday, July 12, 2007
Has it really been this long?
I just looked at the date of my last post. OMG! Has it really been that long?
I haven't been up to much, but I am anticipating some good times are about to roll again. Mike A. visited on Tuesday...I did well at my concert on Wednesday, although it was nothing special. Then I went to BW3 with Mike A. and Mike V. MV and I hit a couple of bars in Plymouth afterward. I was drunk, AS USUAL. It's strange to feel that pull toward intoxication being your "normal" frame of mind when out with certain friends (thank you, MV, for remaining sober and driving!!!). I was able to put that in check when I lived in Florida, but here, I am embracing the freedom that summer vacation brings.
I had to drop Jeremy off at the airport Wednesday afternoon, which was a little depressing, but I understand that this is how the industry works.
This weekend is Teresa's birthday; I just need to figure out which day she asked about taking a canoe down a river. (Isn't that a unique way to spend your birthday?) I have been asked to join someone for lunch, and I need to make sure I wouldn't be double-booking the day. Plus, my mother has been a bit focused on "bringing the family closer" since we've had a few deaths in the family recently, most notably and most recently my Uncle Bill. So, I have to almost clear my plans with her before committing to others. How weird parents can be...
Anyway, back to my previous thought, September and October don't really offer the same opportunities, although a hay ride or something might be a different change of pace (hint-hint, Jeremy). My birthday these last five years have been downright depressing. One year, I helped Jeremy move. Another year, no one called me until after 10 PM to wish me a "great day" (I had already had a bottle of wine alone and had decided to go to bed early). Last year, my mother bought my sister's favorite cake and then bought a gift that was too small (and, when pointed out, she said, "Oh, I didn't think you were that fat that you would need a bigger size!"). I think I could go for a nice middle-of-the-road mediocre birthday, at least. One with a cake (that I actually might eat) and gifts that suit me.
I haven't been up to much, but I am anticipating some good times are about to roll again. Mike A. visited on Tuesday...I did well at my concert on Wednesday, although it was nothing special. Then I went to BW3 with Mike A. and Mike V. MV and I hit a couple of bars in Plymouth afterward. I was drunk, AS USUAL. It's strange to feel that pull toward intoxication being your "normal" frame of mind when out with certain friends (thank you, MV, for remaining sober and driving!!!). I was able to put that in check when I lived in Florida, but here, I am embracing the freedom that summer vacation brings.
I had to drop Jeremy off at the airport Wednesday afternoon, which was a little depressing, but I understand that this is how the industry works.
This weekend is Teresa's birthday; I just need to figure out which day she asked about taking a canoe down a river. (Isn't that a unique way to spend your birthday?) I have been asked to join someone for lunch, and I need to make sure I wouldn't be double-booking the day. Plus, my mother has been a bit focused on "bringing the family closer" since we've had a few deaths in the family recently, most notably and most recently my Uncle Bill. So, I have to almost clear my plans with her before committing to others. How weird parents can be...
Anyway, back to my previous thought, September and October don't really offer the same opportunities, although a hay ride or something might be a different change of pace (hint-hint, Jeremy). My birthday these last five years have been downright depressing. One year, I helped Jeremy move. Another year, no one called me until after 10 PM to wish me a "great day" (I had already had a bottle of wine alone and had decided to go to bed early). Last year, my mother bought my sister's favorite cake and then bought a gift that was too small (and, when pointed out, she said, "Oh, I didn't think you were that fat that you would need a bigger size!"). I think I could go for a nice middle-of-the-road mediocre birthday, at least. One with a cake (that I actually might eat) and gifts that suit me.
Wednesday, June 27, 2007
Jogging = Equilibrium
I went for a jog tonight - it really cleared my head. I only made it three quarters of a mile before I had to just walk for a while, but that is definitely progress! My knee is not hurting at all, either (I've been taking glucosamine tablets for the past week). I had forgotten how balanced I used to feel when I exercised like this. I just have to keep this up!
I would love to find someone to walk with around here. James, if you find yourself lonely on your walks, please stop by. I'd love to walk and talk.
I would love to find someone to walk with around here. James, if you find yourself lonely on your walks, please stop by. I'd love to walk and talk.
Tuesday, June 26, 2007
The Heidelberg and other completely disjointed ideas
I recently learned that The Heidelberg in Ann Arbor is quite a venue. Club upstairs, nice restaurant on the main floor, and a traditional Rathskeller downstairs. They serve beer in a 3-liter glass boot!
I was going to attend the Ann Arbor Poetry Slam tonight, but I decided it might be good to stay in and organize my spare room (I rearranged the furniture so that I can set up ALL of my instruments). There's always the next one - the last Tuesday of July. Perhaps someone who reads this is interested in going with me. If so, please just comment, and I may be able to accommodate. I think I am more interested in the Rathskeller, to be honest. I still enjoy poetry readings and poetry slams (I should invite James D. to the next one, too).
As far as my spare room goes, I am in the process of collecting several bins of items to sell and donate. I think Jeremy will be shocked at the sparse look. I am tired of being tied to all of this junk. Welcome back that part of me that could be and leave all worldly possessions behind and travel the world (now, I have flight benefits, so this is KIND OF possible).
I spoke to Jesse today - next year, he will have the classroom right next to mine!!! He and I are planning to set up the 12th grade English curriculum within the next month - with the other English 12 teacher (complete with common consequences and procedures). He is one of the most creative and energetic people I know, and he says the same of me. What an awesome friend he has become! We will have a solid senior English program next year. He is even helping me to procure more German items (as I will also be teaching German 1 again). He will be leaving for Germany in a couple of weeks to stay with some friends, and he plans to bring me back a bunch of stuff to use for classroom decor. Meanwhile, I am helping him to find items that will go well with his theme - I've already told him he can use my inflatable palm tree and a box of other similar items. Hell, I can even pass along some of my more exotic plants, namely small tropical trees, when the weather changes and I have to bring them inside. I am really looking forward to this upcoming year.
As far as German planning, if I use the same items from this year, I am set. However, I want to introduce a much more student-centered and student-run approach that will follow the immersion format a little more closely than what my mentor has done, although I will use just about everything I did last year. I've already created my prototypes of documents and charts, complete with games and cultural activities (perhaps I will fly into Germany soon and spend some time learning drinking songs - it truly is a possibility now! I'm just waiting for my nice new passport.).
MV is recording more music. I'll have to get my hands on this CD, as well. Maybe soon he'll find himself a career in it and talk about when he "used to be an English teacher". More on that as times goes on.
I've finished several short stories recently, which feels really great. One has turned into something larger, but I am not sure how far it will go. Perhaps at some point soon I will share these writings with the world. They still seem too fragile yet. I am eagerly awaiting the poetry anthology that has another published piece within it. I know these things are mostly scams - but I chose this one because of the focus on education and its usefulness in my writing classroom. I find their purpose to be a good one, so I consider it a win-win. I am published, I paid my little fee for a book (there's no entry fee), and that money will hopefully go toward a student scholarship or contest award.
Other things...I need to hurry up and become active in the American Association of Teacher of German. They offer MANY opportunities for teachers to go to classes in Germany and travel throughout Europe on THEIR dime (well, my dime, as I have to pay dues). They also have some fairly substantial scholarships and awards for students.
I am also looking into the Student Ambassador program. I'd get to travel all over the world as a chaperone. This could be great for the summer or extended vacations. I don't mind keeping an eye on kids, and I want to travel. I'm sure I could find endless inspiration.
I found a very interesting (and FREE) site to track my fitness progress. I wish I were in the financial shape to hire people to show up and prepare food and scream at me like a drill sergeant to get my ass in shape, but seeing as I am not, I will have to make due. I think I will be able to get this going. I am walking and doing yoga already; the jogging is taking a toll on my knee, so I will have to cut back on that for now - just till I am in better shape, I suppose.
I feel like I have ADD today. It's time to get back to the spare room. My break is over, and I've still got a lot to do.
I was going to attend the Ann Arbor Poetry Slam tonight, but I decided it might be good to stay in and organize my spare room (I rearranged the furniture so that I can set up ALL of my instruments). There's always the next one - the last Tuesday of July. Perhaps someone who reads this is interested in going with me. If so, please just comment, and I may be able to accommodate. I think I am more interested in the Rathskeller, to be honest. I still enjoy poetry readings and poetry slams (I should invite James D. to the next one, too).
As far as my spare room goes, I am in the process of collecting several bins of items to sell and donate. I think Jeremy will be shocked at the sparse look. I am tired of being tied to all of this junk. Welcome back that part of me that could be and leave all worldly possessions behind and travel the world (now, I have flight benefits, so this is KIND OF possible).
I spoke to Jesse today - next year, he will have the classroom right next to mine!!! He and I are planning to set up the 12th grade English curriculum within the next month - with the other English 12 teacher (complete with common consequences and procedures). He is one of the most creative and energetic people I know, and he says the same of me. What an awesome friend he has become! We will have a solid senior English program next year. He is even helping me to procure more German items (as I will also be teaching German 1 again). He will be leaving for Germany in a couple of weeks to stay with some friends, and he plans to bring me back a bunch of stuff to use for classroom decor. Meanwhile, I am helping him to find items that will go well with his theme - I've already told him he can use my inflatable palm tree and a box of other similar items. Hell, I can even pass along some of my more exotic plants, namely small tropical trees, when the weather changes and I have to bring them inside. I am really looking forward to this upcoming year.
As far as German planning, if I use the same items from this year, I am set. However, I want to introduce a much more student-centered and student-run approach that will follow the immersion format a little more closely than what my mentor has done, although I will use just about everything I did last year. I've already created my prototypes of documents and charts, complete with games and cultural activities (perhaps I will fly into Germany soon and spend some time learning drinking songs - it truly is a possibility now! I'm just waiting for my nice new passport.).
MV is recording more music. I'll have to get my hands on this CD, as well. Maybe soon he'll find himself a career in it and talk about when he "used to be an English teacher". More on that as times goes on.
I've finished several short stories recently, which feels really great. One has turned into something larger, but I am not sure how far it will go. Perhaps at some point soon I will share these writings with the world. They still seem too fragile yet. I am eagerly awaiting the poetry anthology that has another published piece within it. I know these things are mostly scams - but I chose this one because of the focus on education and its usefulness in my writing classroom. I find their purpose to be a good one, so I consider it a win-win. I am published, I paid my little fee for a book (there's no entry fee), and that money will hopefully go toward a student scholarship or contest award.
Other things...I need to hurry up and become active in the American Association of Teacher of German. They offer MANY opportunities for teachers to go to classes in Germany and travel throughout Europe on THEIR dime (well, my dime, as I have to pay dues). They also have some fairly substantial scholarships and awards for students.
I am also looking into the Student Ambassador program. I'd get to travel all over the world as a chaperone. This could be great for the summer or extended vacations. I don't mind keeping an eye on kids, and I want to travel. I'm sure I could find endless inspiration.
I found a very interesting (and FREE) site to track my fitness progress. I wish I were in the financial shape to hire people to show up and prepare food and scream at me like a drill sergeant to get my ass in shape, but seeing as I am not, I will have to make due. I think I will be able to get this going. I am walking and doing yoga already; the jogging is taking a toll on my knee, so I will have to cut back on that for now - just till I am in better shape, I suppose.
I feel like I have ADD today. It's time to get back to the spare room. My break is over, and I've still got a lot to do.
Saturday, June 23, 2007
1408
Has anybody seen 1408 yet? I am considering going to see it and I'd love to read your thoughts about the movie.
Wednesday, June 20, 2007
Summer Lish
To whom it may concern - you know who you are...
The reason I surround myself with interesting (and often tragically flawed) people is that I am often afraid to just go out and live. I'd rather live vicariously through someone who does not have that little voice in his/her head that tells him/her to worry about the consequences. I like being the reliable one. I like being the responsible one. I fear making mistakes.
But then, we introduce alcohol, and there I am - stumbling alongside the wild ones, relying on others to make sure I get home. Thank you to those who look out for me.
I think this summer may surprise you yet. I choose to throw caution to the wind. I choose to laugh openly, drink wildly, and be that person Jesse and Mike spend time with. ReeNee and Beck see contemplative drunk Lish. I don't like her, do you? She's boring and whiny.
I choose to show the one-and-a-half beer Lish. She likes to wear feather boas and sing karaoke and dance like no one's watching and flash her fiance and make jokes and flirt and do yoga and put her hair in pigtails and ogle men and be outgoing and not apologize for poor grammar and foul language. Now, who wants to buy this Lish her next drink?
The reason I surround myself with interesting (and often tragically flawed) people is that I am often afraid to just go out and live. I'd rather live vicariously through someone who does not have that little voice in his/her head that tells him/her to worry about the consequences. I like being the reliable one. I like being the responsible one. I fear making mistakes.
But then, we introduce alcohol, and there I am - stumbling alongside the wild ones, relying on others to make sure I get home. Thank you to those who look out for me.
I think this summer may surprise you yet. I choose to throw caution to the wind. I choose to laugh openly, drink wildly, and be that person Jesse and Mike spend time with. ReeNee and Beck see contemplative drunk Lish. I don't like her, do you? She's boring and whiny.
I choose to show the one-and-a-half beer Lish. She likes to wear feather boas and sing karaoke and dance like no one's watching and flash her fiance and make jokes and flirt and do yoga and put her hair in pigtails and ogle men and be outgoing and not apologize for poor grammar and foul language. Now, who wants to buy this Lish her next drink?
Tuesday, June 19, 2007
Dentist Appointment = Good Day
So, I went to the dentist, after not having gone in a very long time. Guess what!?!
NO CAVITIES!!!
I shouldn't be that surprised; I am meticulous with my teeth. I floss (using dental tape, which is WAY better for your gums) at least once per day, and I brush frequently. I was complimented on the condition of my teeth. On the other hand, three of my fillings need to be replaced, as they should have worn out years ago, so I made an appointment for next week to have them redone. There are small gaps between my fillings and the teeth, which is normal after time, but there is no damage. Now I am hoping my recurring dream of losing teeth will stop. I doubt it, though, as I believe that is symbolic of something else.
Afterward, I had lunch with my dad. Today was a really good day. I should have more of these.
Tomorrow may prove to be a good day, too. Jeremy may be coming home for a few days, and I have a concert.
NO CAVITIES!!!
I shouldn't be that surprised; I am meticulous with my teeth. I floss (using dental tape, which is WAY better for your gums) at least once per day, and I brush frequently. I was complimented on the condition of my teeth. On the other hand, three of my fillings need to be replaced, as they should have worn out years ago, so I made an appointment for next week to have them redone. There are small gaps between my fillings and the teeth, which is normal after time, but there is no damage. Now I am hoping my recurring dream of losing teeth will stop. I doubt it, though, as I believe that is symbolic of something else.
Afterward, I had lunch with my dad. Today was a really good day. I should have more of these.
Tomorrow may prove to be a good day, too. Jeremy may be coming home for a few days, and I have a concert.
Friday, June 15, 2007
Saving my blog
I made a (drunken) promise to Mike last night (this morning?) that I would not spend my weekend analyzing my life again. So...this is basically my placeholder. Ann Arbor was the place to be, as usual. Great drinks! Great conversation! The greatest company!!!
Sunday, June 10, 2007
Questions from alcohol
I've been thinking about my interactions with alcohol these past six months. I over-analyze everything. Some of the more recent discussions and actions have left me questioning myself. These are not to any one person but many from months of being too drunk to drive home, etc. You figure which question is to whom. And then, feel free to answer...if you're feeling up to it.
Do we ever voice our lingering thoughts after drinking too much?
What did you mean you and your wife live totally separate lives?
Why would you tell me that?
Did we only get along because we both had been drinking?
Do you remember everything we talked about?
Why do you think that more alcohol will increase your chances?
Why can't you ever remember that I am engaged?
Do you remember anything we talked about?
Do you want to remember everything you said and everything I said?
Is there anything better than Riesling?
Was I overstepping boundaries?
Why do you keep trying to put your arm around me?
Do I fucking look interested?
What did it all mean?
Did we reach a new peace?
Did we connect like we used to?
Why was your hand on my back?
Did you forgive me in that moment?
What did it mean to you?
Would you want to talk again?
Did we say everything?
Do you understand me now?
How did we used to do this for so many hours?
Do you hate me?
Do you think less of me?
Do you think more of me?
Do you truly understand that hatred is not something that could ever exist from me to you?
Who am I to you now?
Can't you see the damned rock on my hand?
Why did I feel the way I did?
Was I trying to prove something?
Were you trying to prove something?
Are we competing?
What am I to you now?
Did I make you laugh?
Did I make you cry?
Will you lend me a shoulder again when things are tough?
Why do you keep picking me up time and time again?
What is everyone else saying?
Is it rude of me to ask if you remember our discussion?
Why did we walk the way we did?
Are you waiting for me to throw the next party?
Did you get the message?
Am I a better person when drunk?
Are you going to tell my secrets?
Should I tell yours?
Did I do anything to offend you?
Did I do anything inappropriate that did not offend you?
Can Ann Arbor be our drinking place?
Why did you start dating her, when you told me you wouldn't get involved with anyone at work?
Why did you finish my drinks?
Why did you stop hanging out with me?
Why do you shut me out?
Can we do shots again?
Can I get those terrible poems back I wrote at the bar?
Where did our novel-idea napkin go?
Will I ever be able to recreate that one night?
Will you take me out on the dance floor again?
Why do you let me drink before bed?
Why can't I let go and be wild?
What am I so afraid of?
Why do events from my past still stir up panic and fear?
Why do I scrub everything in my home after drinking?
How is it that I only plan to have one drink and wind up at the end of a liquor luge?
How does drinking make me even more introspective?
Why does my German improve?
Who is the life of your parties when I am not around?
How did you function without me?
Are we really friends?
Will you ever respond?
Did you ever say that to anyone else?
When you lingered in the hug, what did that mean to you?
What will you do with my information?
Will we still be friends six months from now?
How many times are you going to spill your drink on me?
What did the 'look' mean?
What were you planning on when ordering those extra drinks?
Did you really expect for the party to continue?
Why do you have to be so nice about it?
When are you coming back to do this all over again?
Why did you choose that drink on that night?
Will you hold my hair back?
Are you still nervous around me?
Are we friends again yet?
Do you mind if I flirt with you?
Where do you see this going?
Do I have a problem?
Do we ever voice our lingering thoughts after drinking too much?
What did you mean you and your wife live totally separate lives?
Why would you tell me that?
Did we only get along because we both had been drinking?
Do you remember everything we talked about?
Why do you think that more alcohol will increase your chances?
Why can't you ever remember that I am engaged?
Do you remember anything we talked about?
Do you want to remember everything you said and everything I said?
Is there anything better than Riesling?
Was I overstepping boundaries?
Why do you keep trying to put your arm around me?
Do I fucking look interested?
What did it all mean?
Did we reach a new peace?
Did we connect like we used to?
Why was your hand on my back?
Did you forgive me in that moment?
What did it mean to you?
Would you want to talk again?
Did we say everything?
Do you understand me now?
How did we used to do this for so many hours?
Do you hate me?
Do you think less of me?
Do you think more of me?
Do you truly understand that hatred is not something that could ever exist from me to you?
Who am I to you now?
Can't you see the damned rock on my hand?
Why did I feel the way I did?
Was I trying to prove something?
Were you trying to prove something?
Are we competing?
What am I to you now?
Did I make you laugh?
Did I make you cry?
Will you lend me a shoulder again when things are tough?
Why do you keep picking me up time and time again?
What is everyone else saying?
Is it rude of me to ask if you remember our discussion?
Why did we walk the way we did?
Are you waiting for me to throw the next party?
Did you get the message?
Am I a better person when drunk?
Are you going to tell my secrets?
Should I tell yours?
Did I do anything to offend you?
Did I do anything inappropriate that did not offend you?
Can Ann Arbor be our drinking place?
Why did you start dating her, when you told me you wouldn't get involved with anyone at work?
Why did you finish my drinks?
Why did you stop hanging out with me?
Why do you shut me out?
Can we do shots again?
Can I get those terrible poems back I wrote at the bar?
Where did our novel-idea napkin go?
Will I ever be able to recreate that one night?
Will you take me out on the dance floor again?
Why do you let me drink before bed?
Why can't I let go and be wild?
What am I so afraid of?
Why do events from my past still stir up panic and fear?
Why do I scrub everything in my home after drinking?
How is it that I only plan to have one drink and wind up at the end of a liquor luge?
How does drinking make me even more introspective?
Why does my German improve?
Who is the life of your parties when I am not around?
How did you function without me?
Are we really friends?
Will you ever respond?
Did you ever say that to anyone else?
When you lingered in the hug, what did that mean to you?
What will you do with my information?
Will we still be friends six months from now?
How many times are you going to spill your drink on me?
What did the 'look' mean?
What were you planning on when ordering those extra drinks?
Did you really expect for the party to continue?
Why do you have to be so nice about it?
When are you coming back to do this all over again?
Why did you choose that drink on that night?
Will you hold my hair back?
Are you still nervous around me?
Are we friends again yet?
Do you mind if I flirt with you?
Where do you see this going?
Do I have a problem?
Saturday, June 09, 2007
bloggety blog blog blog
Another Saturday just about gone. No plans for later.
Jeremy's in Minneapolis. I had considered hanging out with friends tonight, but I never followed through and called them. They never called me either, so I guess we're cool.
With summer vacation official started, I need someone to hang out with. I am tired of sitting around. I am already tired of cleaning. I am tired of not having an exciting life - I had one in college, I had one in Florida (which led to some unwanted attention from a coke-head - a story for another time), I had a great social life in Battle Creek. Paw Paw only lent itself to foster that side of me that loves nature walks and photography. I did meet a few people in K'zoo, though, and we had good times (especially when Mike drove in a took me to see Brian Vander Ark at Kraftbrau after a lovely dinner at Olde Peninsula). This year, I've been able to hang out with new friends from work. I could hang out with them every Friday, but I think that that will put me on the track I was in Florida, which is the path toward developing a drinking problem (you can ask Jeremy what I was like when he returned - I quit drinking - cold turkey - and experienced some interesting things). I want to see my old friends. That seems to take a lot more planning.
Who would like to hang out with me? Leave a comment or two.
Jeremy's in Minneapolis. I had considered hanging out with friends tonight, but I never followed through and called them. They never called me either, so I guess we're cool.
With summer vacation official started, I need someone to hang out with. I am tired of sitting around. I am already tired of cleaning. I am tired of not having an exciting life - I had one in college, I had one in Florida (which led to some unwanted attention from a coke-head - a story for another time), I had a great social life in Battle Creek. Paw Paw only lent itself to foster that side of me that loves nature walks and photography. I did meet a few people in K'zoo, though, and we had good times (especially when Mike drove in a took me to see Brian Vander Ark at Kraftbrau after a lovely dinner at Olde Peninsula). This year, I've been able to hang out with new friends from work. I could hang out with them every Friday, but I think that that will put me on the track I was in Florida, which is the path toward developing a drinking problem (you can ask Jeremy what I was like when he returned - I quit drinking - cold turkey - and experienced some interesting things). I want to see my old friends. That seems to take a lot more planning.
Who would like to hang out with me? Leave a comment or two.
Wednesday, May 30, 2007
Crying
Jeremy has been gone since Sunday, and I am a wreck! I've been sitting around crying like a child. I just miss him.
Storm rolling in. I should turn off the computer. Maybe more later.
Storm rolling in. I should turn off the computer. Maybe more later.
Sunday, May 13, 2007
Published again!
I don't know if I already wrote about this, and I am too lazy to check my old posts.
I am being published again!
It's just a short poem that will be published in an anthology of poetry (I know they take almost everything that is submitted), but it still feels good to know that I am taking a more active role in the process. I consider this to be another baby step toward a career in writing.
The last publication only went to the Language Arts Journal of Michigan, so only English teachers received it. Prior to that, I had small pieces published from contests in high school, as well as my
letters to the editor in my school paper.
I am being published again!
It's just a short poem that will be published in an anthology of poetry (I know they take almost everything that is submitted), but it still feels good to know that I am taking a more active role in the process. I consider this to be another baby step toward a career in writing.
The last publication only went to the Language Arts Journal of Michigan, so only English teachers received it. Prior to that, I had small pieces published from contests in high school, as well as my
letters to the editor in my school paper.
Saturday, May 12, 2007
The truth shall set you free...or destroy everything!
I finally sat down with Jeremy and told him that I have many doubts about getting married. We both haven't really taken the planning seriously. He doesn't want to do anything, and I think most of the stuff is bullshit. We talked about how we both need to change, especially when it comes to keeping our home in running order.
I told him that, lately, I've definitely been noticing other men who are my type. Jeremy is exactly my type - broad-shouldered, dark brown/black hair, green eyes, taller than me - if only he didn't have the beer gut. I know that the only reason these other men are enticing is because Jeremy has been disappointing me. I don't like that, all of a sudden, I am thinking about possibilities with new people. He didn't like that, either.
We decided to create a new system for cleaning and storing things (I just made a printout of my usual checklist for cleaning, etc.). I used to have him trained. Yes, I said it - trained! That is what women do. It was when he lived in the townhouse with all of those guys (after he moved back to Michigan while I was still teaching in Florida) that every chore he was accustomed to doing was no longer an expectation. In addition, we have decided on preliminary dates (we have to check with our first, second, and third choice locations for the reception and ceremony). We looked at tuxedos. I think I have narrowed down the style of dress I want. Now, we just need to figure out who will officiate the ceremony, flowers, bridal party, etc.
I think I am finally finding some excitement in all of this.
I told him that, lately, I've definitely been noticing other men who are my type. Jeremy is exactly my type - broad-shouldered, dark brown/black hair, green eyes, taller than me - if only he didn't have the beer gut. I know that the only reason these other men are enticing is because Jeremy has been disappointing me. I don't like that, all of a sudden, I am thinking about possibilities with new people. He didn't like that, either.
We decided to create a new system for cleaning and storing things (I just made a printout of my usual checklist for cleaning, etc.). I used to have him trained. Yes, I said it - trained! That is what women do. It was when he lived in the townhouse with all of those guys (after he moved back to Michigan while I was still teaching in Florida) that every chore he was accustomed to doing was no longer an expectation. In addition, we have decided on preliminary dates (we have to check with our first, second, and third choice locations for the reception and ceremony). We looked at tuxedos. I think I have narrowed down the style of dress I want. Now, we just need to figure out who will officiate the ceremony, flowers, bridal party, etc.
I think I am finally finding some excitement in all of this.
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