depression

I feel so depressed it's hard to breathe.

My parents invited me over for dinner; that only made me feel worse. Sometimes I think I might be better off taking myself out of existence.

Woke up this morning

I woke up this morning with lesson plans going through my head. I was able to snag one of the data projectors (which are rarely available) for all of next week, so I am going to jump in and teach my classes the way I love to teach with music, graphics, PowerPoint presentations, virtual (internet) field trips, etc. I may be able to hang on to the darn thing longer if no one else signs it out.

I also have chores on my mind. I went to my basement and found a rather nasty surprise from my cats. Because my complex was painting doors, we were instructed to leave our pets closed in a room. My cats retaliated by pissing on the floor - right next to their damn litter box! Luckily, I have a standard basement floor that can be mopped or sprayed down for cleaning, but I still felt the need to scrub the entire floor and rewash clothes that were nowhere near the urine but were subject to wafts of cat urine for a day.

Jeremy will be home around 1:30 this afternoon and will leave again tomorrow. Then he will return on Tuesday. I just need to work in my reading, writing of papers, grading, and lesson planning around his schedule - he is always a distraction. Not that I'm complaining, though. I rather like that, after all these years, he still gets my full attention.

Monday

I am having dinner with Mike on Monday. Wahoo!

Morgen ist Freitag!

I've been speaking so much more German to my students than I did last year at this time. I am trying to work in immersion-style methods, and so far, everything seems to be going well.

My grad class was decent, although I didn't complete the reading. I stopped at the theater to pay my annual dues for band and then left. I didn't feel like I could get through rehearsal tonight. I picked up a sub on the way home and I've been running around since I arrived. It's hard to believe that I've only been home for fifty minutes. I can't remember the last time I was able to get so much done - especially while nursing a cold!

Tomorrow, my German students will take a quiz and then watch a DVD. My English students will be completely several pre-reading assignments and activities for Beowulf. I feel like I am in my element lately!

worn out but happy

Despite the fact that I truly enjoy my job, I am constantly exhausted at the end of the day. I did just recently come down with a cold (today is the worst day yet), but I find it ridiculous that I am so tired. Unfortunately, because I cannot breathe through my nose, I cannot sleep. I cannot even focus on my homework. Instead, I've been watching Ghost Hunters on SciFi. Jeremy is on his way home with his buddy Joel, and they are supposed to be bringing me dinner and medication.

5 options - lame post, but who cares?

Should I:

1. attend a camp-out with my relatives this weekend.
2. celebrate Maureen's birthday (a couple of days late) and go out clubbing.
3. go to Ann Arbor with Mike.
4. shut myself indoors and complete all of my homework and lesson plans for the next two weeks.
5. clean EVERYTHING again.

-OR-

6. a little of each.

...

I feel like writing, but I have nothing to write about. Someone, please inspire me tonight.

grad school

I attended my first class at Eastern. It will definitely keep me on my toes!!! I am not as well-versed in literary criticism/theory, but this will certainly change that. Ironically enough, high school English teachers can be somewhat trained out of using the different schools of thought when it comes to analyzing something. We are supposed to teach students to find "their own meaning", with which I've always found a problem.

Our anchor text that we will examine through thirty or so different "lenses" is Bram Stoker's Dracula! What a treat!

I feel invincible!!!!!!!!!

I checked the status of my passport - I should have it by the 3rd of September. Apparently, calling did help! And this means that I will be able to hop a flight to Germany during Oktoberfest in Munich!!!!!!!!!!

Now, I just need to find a flight and some time. I would not feel guilty about taking a couple of personal days this coming month.

I just pulled together a large number of boxes to take to my classroom. I am so excited about school starting up again. I think Jessy has really motivated the twelfth grade teachers well.

One of my professors wants to have class at her house instead of the university classroom. I am pleased about this. The English department at Western also did things like this.

Now, I NEED to get to sleep. I have to be up by 5:30. And I think I might be able to sleep through the night tonight.

I'm bringing my 'A' game today!

I set up my classroom today. I pulled from my stockpile of posters and other items to decorate, and then I tried to incorporate anything anyone was willing to sacrifice from their rooms. It is quite cool in there. I forgot to bring batteries for my digital camera, so those of you waiting to see pictures on MySpace will simply have to wait.

My bike repairs were completed early, so I picked up my bike today after dinner. I am very pleased with the work. The entire crank system had to be rebuilt, but I didn't have to pay for labor - just factory prices for the parts. It wasn't unreasonable.

After returning home, Jeremy was called in to work. Instead of the typical 1.5 call time, he was told to be there in 45 minutes, which is in violation of his contract. The union will eat this up! He plans on calling his rep after the trip. He is a new employee, so he is trying to stay in everyone's good graces. He will return tomorrow, so all is well that ends well.

Other things...other things...

My rosebush is thriving! I bought the little potted plant around Mother's Day, and I planted it outside shortly thereafter. It is currently about ten times the size it was then. It is constantly blooming and because the roots are doing so well, I will not have to dig it up for the winter. All I have to do is make sure I heap a little more mulch onto the base and let it go dormant. I will have to trim back foliage when it starts to bud in the spring, but that is nothing! I want to dig it up, though, when I move. I also want to dig up my dwarf Alberta spruce. The other plants can stay - well, maybe I will splice them and plant them in pots and build them up to full plants. I have two pumpkins, several acorn squash, and many gourds growing out back. I am excited to get into the spirit of fall time.

My colleagues and I have planned the first 21 days of English 12. We will have all of our paperwork completed by the end of the week! As far as German 1, I have everything from last year, so everything is ready to go! I will have so much less stress from the high school - I will be able to focus on grad school.

Mike and I will try to put in one last Ann Arbor thing this weekend. I like that we both can unwind so easily there (I'm certain it's the alcohol).

Noelle's husband will be returning home early next week.

I am becoming more confident with singing and playing the uke.

And the coolest thing for the night? My laundry is just about done! Now, I can focus on sorting items for donation and the dumpster. I love getting into cleaning like this!

New school year

I found no trouble waking early today. I have to get to work by 8 for a staff meeting. Yesterday, I began to set up my classroom - people seemed amazed that I could pull things together the way I did. I think they forget that I have been teaching for five years now, and this past year was the only year I didn't have my own space; I was on a cart, traveling from room to room.

My mentor teacher gave me a DVD player for the room, as well as a stockpile of German stuff. How nifty is that!?! I will post pictures of everything once I put up my posters (they are still awaiting lamination in the library).

I like new beginnings. I saw students yesterday as they picked up their schedules - I am ready for school to start up again. I am even more eager to start grad school.

More later - I have to put several items away in my classroom before my meetings. Catch you all on the flip side!

TC

Jeremy and I visited Traverse City, Old Mission Point, Leland, Northport, and Suttons Bay yesterday. I cannot remember the last time I walked so much in one day.

It was a great place to go to get away, even for such a short time. The weather was absolutely beautiful! We dipped our feet in the water, checked out several places, and watched a sailboat race. We viewed a few houses, but we both know it will be quite some time until we can move up there permanently.

I just hope that once I get my bike back and Jeremy gets his tuned up, we will spend a weekend or two this fall riding from TC to Old Mission or Suttons Bay and back. We maintained our calorie-counting consumption process, which actually worked very well on the road. I don't know how we let this thing get out of hand.

The drive home last night was okay, too. I was exhausted from not sleeping the night before and walking all day, but I was able to steer us home with Jeremy falling into intermittent naps.

...having a supportive and close family is a bad thing

Today, Jeremy and I decided to attack the pile of wedding information we've accumulated. We have narrowed our list, but we are running out of time if we want to book the place we want for next August. Our first choice was only available on a Friday night, which would not work, so our second choice is hopefully going to work out (I think it's a much nicer ballroom, personally). We started to price everything. I am really surprised average prices have risen so much since Autumn's wedding three years ago.

I've never really been all that into weddings, so I feel like I have no compass. Jeremy doesn't know what he wants, either. I prefer to look at the situation as though Jeremy and I are just easy to please and open to almost anything. That should make it easier, right?

Our guest list is going to be really short, aside from family. The places we like (and can afford) just won't accommodate a huge party. My family is huge, so I have to forgo the idea of having all of my friends see me get married and then celebrate with us. To think, Jeremy had an issue with some of the people on my list of friends - one in particular in Battle Creek - and we argued about it. Now, I realize that we wouldn't be able to have those individuals there, anyway, due to capacity restraints and such. Why does my family have to be so close-knit? Ugh...I am acting like having a supportive and close family is a bad thing. Weddings are just not good for one's mental health!


In the middle of contacting different halls, Jeremy received a call from work - he had to report within 90 minutes for a flight or two tonight. I'm happy that he won't be gone for days, but it sort of puts a crimp in what we were accomplishing. The two piles of contact forms (yes, I created fill-in-the-blank forms - I'm such a nerd!) now have to become one, and I don't have the time to get to all of them today. I have to get ready for rehearsal tonight, and I've been playing the ukulele to relieve stress. I can't call places tomorrow, as I will setting up my classroom - I am even taking in my mini fridge from college! Jeremy agreed to help, so maybe I will hand him the list while I decorate bulletin boards and hang posters. I've already rearranged the room and started to organize books and such, so that is good.

Other random thoughts:
My bike won't be ready for another week. I want to hang out with Mike soon. I need to compile all of my detailed lesson plans in binders before the year starts; that will save so much time and energy later on. I also need to order my textbooks for grad school. My instructors were nice enough to provide the syllabus early so that we can get the books cheap and such. How nice is that!?!

...

I took my bike in for some much-needed repairs (the chain and several teeth on one circular disk have been destroyed). Unfortunately, TREK no longer stocks these particular components, so the bike mechanics are going to rebuild the entire thing with an updated drive section. When dealing with a pricey bike, things like that are rather pricey. I love my bike, though, and I haven't been able to use it. When trying to shift gears, the chain pops off.

Perhaps I should take one of the bike mechanics courses offered through REI. That could help a great deal.

Anyway, I won't have my bike for a couple of weeks. I will have to walk more, which is fine.

Cheeseburger in Caseville

Jeremy and I drove up to Caseville yesterday to visit his parents (for his father's birthday). The annual Cheeseburger in Caseville celebration was in full swing, so we walked around town and listened to various performers. Later in the afternoon, we took the dingey out to the swimming area to watch the annual cardboard box boat race. What a hilarious little event! Jeremy wants to "build" one for next year. I am all for it.

I also would like to start participating in the Red Bull Flugtag. I am trying to convince Jeremy to fly us down to Austin, Texas, to check out the event next weekend. He will most likely have to work. Perhaps I should just go alone. I would hop a flight back and get ready for my teacher workweek immediately following.

This week, I plan to set up my classroom and create my first quarter's worth of assignments. I may hang out with a couple of friends (perhaps a girls' night out!!!). I will get my bike fixed, get my cuckoo clock fixed, and get my entire townhouse organized. I have a new system in mind for storage. It will make life so much easier!
I also need to visit several halls and find out how much this wedding is going to cost.

Wedding money and phone calls

I slept in so late today. That's nothing new, but I had really wanted to get up and start viewing reception halls and such. My mother has finally given me a range. My parents are planning to pay for most of my wedding. I am shocked. After they had spent the money they set aside for my wedding on my sister's wedding in 2004, I thought I was just out of luck. Jeremy's parents plan to help with the bar, which is so nice of them. They had stated that they would not be help with any wedding costs, as they had to pay for their own wedding, but they must have had a change of heart.

Now, I just need to find a hall and reserve it. That is step number one.


--------------------------------------------

Just a little message to everyone out there. While I appreciate receiving phone calls, I would appreciate it if you would not call (or text, for that matter) after 10/10:30 at night. I am trying to get back into the rhythm of waking up early (to teach all day and attend grad school in the evenings). I do not have a land line, so my cell phone is usually on. I get quite annoyed if calls come in late.

Some of you are as close as family, though, and if you need me for ANYTHING, you can call ANYTIME. You know who you are.

Acquaintances with non-emergency calls should not wake me up from much needed rest. And you can assume that I will be unavailable after 10 on most nights.

I don't answer calls that show a number is "withheld", "unidentified", "blocked", or "anonymous" or whatever else the screen might say. I am not trying to be a snot about this, but I do expect a certain level of courtesy here. If you choose to not identify yourself, I don't want to receive your call. If you can't get on board and understand where I am coming from, then perhaps we shouldn't stay in contact.

Oh, and one more thing...if you have my number, please don't give it to others without my permission. That is presumptuous and incredibly rude.

Frankenmuth and Birch Run

I had so much fun today. Mostly, Jeremy and I walked. And walked. And walked.

I bought a few German items for my classroom, and a LOT of new clothing and shoes. I bought nine pairs of shoes and sandals! The GAP Outlet store had a 90% off sale, and I was able to get 30 and 40 dollar items for a few bucks each. What a great deal! I may post some pictures of my new shoes and my trip to Frankenmuth on MySpace - I just have to find my USB cord. Then, everyone will be able to see my life from the past four or five months. I spent more money at Nautica, but the pants and jacket look great! It's rare for me to find clothing that truly fits me properly. Maybe that means I need to change me.

I need a personal trainer and a personal chef. The trainer would have to be the drill sergeant type who is not afraid to see me red-faced and dripping with sweat, while the chef would have to be able to force-feed me and keep me from eating anything not "on the list". Perhaps I could make this a reality if I win the lottery tonight.

Jeremy and I may fly somewhere tomorrow. The problem we are facing is that there seems to be no room on the returning flights. Maybe we just need to go to a less popular place.

The Hills

I went for my interview today. It went well. I hope I am asked back for a second interview. Now, I just have to be patient. That is not my strong suit. I drove around Rochester Hills for a while prior to my interview. I can't believe how many houses are on the market there. I cannot afford them, but it's nice to dream.

Updated my FAFSA forms today - I wasn't going to take out loans for grad school, but if I do get the job, I won't be full time. The position is .8 and I need to make sure I have enough money to cover everything. I just hate the idea of adding to my education debt. The payoff will be worth it. I can maintain my teaching license, continue to work, and make a hell of a lot more money.

Jeremy and I are going to Frankenmuth tomorrow. I am all for getting out of the area for a day.

Now Hydrated and Not Sleeping

I don't know if I really messed up my system the other night or if this is the return of my insomnia, but I really can't sleep. I can't seem to focus on my Vonnegut novel, either.

I am feeling stressed about:

my interview on Monday
the new school year at either school
getting out of my lease and moving (I don't feel safe here)
lesson plans
wedding plans
cleaning my place
decorating my place (if I can't get out of my lease and move in the next month)
starting grad school ($4000. tuition bill + books + parking permit + incidentals)
keeping up with fitness goals


Jeremy just tells me to 'relax'. Telling someone this only serves to make them more stressed, because it is impossible to relax. There is far too much at stake here.


I've decided I will probably help my mother with her garage sale next weekend. I haven't yet told her this, but I want to assist my parents in getting rid of the stuff that stresses them out. When closing time hits, I will probably load up a bunch of their items and donate them. My mother would never do this, and the act is necessary. My mother may need an intervention. She has closets full of baby clothes that she has been collecting over the years - Autumn and I have no children. We don't plan to have them for a number of years.

My mother also collects baskets and rugs and dolls and suitcases and tents and shoes (although I think she has some of my clogs and I am trying to find them) and blankets and pillows and tables and figurines and picture frames (I took a handful last month) and salon equipment and dishes and pedestals and much, much more.

I am afraid she will turn into my grandmother - hoarding away EVERYTHING. I have pack-rat tendencies, too, but I am trying to fix them in my twenties here.

Gay bar & a hangover

Gay bars are so much fun!

I hung out with two of my straight guy friends last night. We barhopped for several hours and then hit a gay bar. While one of the guys and I had a smashing time out on the floor - I was pole dancing, dancing with random men, and being plain silly - the other just sort of slipped away. I was initially dancing with both guys, but guy #2 went off to sit somewhere. He was not thrilled about being in a gay bar, even though he has no issue with gay people. I think he was just hoping to find some interesting women. And being hit on by men is not really his cup of tea. He took each invitation to dance as a compliment, but that wasn't what he though the night would end like.

I got home and tried to sleep, which didn't work. Well, not right away, anyway. As my body "healed", I started to feel really ill. I have never before experienced a hangover, but I am fairly certain that that is what I was feeling. I tried to swallow two liters of water, but I couldn't hold it down. My eyes were screaming when I turned on lights. My body didn't ache, and my head really didn't hurt. I was somewhat dizzy, though. After a number of hours, I was able to slip into a nice restful state. I woke up to drink water and nibble on pizza crust while watching The Two Coreys (fucking lame - what a waste of my time!). Then, I got my mail and watched the Samantha Brown: Passport to Europe (Germany, Switzerland, and Austria) DVD I ordered for my German classes this year.

Jeremy called to see if I want to fly up to Traverse City tonight, but I don't think it's wise. I have an interview on Monday morning, and I would rather not risk being bumped from flying back tomorrow night. I wouldn't be able to make it back on Monday until afternoon if that happened, and thus, I'd miss my interview with one of the best districts in Michigan. I also need to update my teaching portfolio and practice interview questions (people forget how necessary that is). I also need to study up on Spanish - I will have to demonstrate my competence not only in English but German and Spanish, as well.