So, my best friend and I were joking around on FB about writing the other off. In the middle of the conversation, he unfriended me. He added me back shortly thereafter, and we continued chatting.
I have such fears of abandonment. It's a little strange to be admitting something like that because I dislike many people.
Wednesday, January 18, 2012
Wednesday, January 11, 2012
Can we Pause Right Here?
I'm having a decent week in spite of events last month.
1. I returned to work on Monday. I was so moved with one class's outpouring of emotion over my return to them that I got misty-eyed at work.
The students have been working hard in my class, and my TA is actually pretty cool - she even said she'd be more than happy to help me with grading all the essays. I am pleased with everything related to work right now. It's such a change. The TA even found stuff my last sub said she had thrown inthe trash. It was crammed into file cabinets. It made my day!
2. My love life....well, I still have the new boyfriend. I'm feeling like my anger from falltime is melting away, and I can live for us NOW and for us in the future. He is working on mending my broken heart and my battered soul (and more) that was caused by the last prson I dated. I can't wait to see him in a few days!!!
3. Health exams continue to reveal me to be vibrant, healthy, and free of any more complications..... I did gain back some of my 2011 weight loss, but I am actually okay with it because I feel alive. I feel healthy. I considered taking up running again, but I did that a year ago, and I wound up having a stroke three months into the year. I'm not interested in repeated that. I will just focus on other things.
4. My hospital sent me a check. I'm not sure what it's for, but I'll be more than happy to cash it. We can always use a little kick-back, right?
5. I am finally excited to go to therapy after work tomorrow. I want my therapist to see what I'm like when I'm 100% happy.
1. I returned to work on Monday. I was so moved with one class's outpouring of emotion over my return to them that I got misty-eyed at work.
The students have been working hard in my class, and my TA is actually pretty cool - she even said she'd be more than happy to help me with grading all the essays. I am pleased with everything related to work right now. It's such a change. The TA even found stuff my last sub said she had thrown inthe trash. It was crammed into file cabinets. It made my day!
2. My love life....well, I still have the new boyfriend. I'm feeling like my anger from falltime is melting away, and I can live for us NOW and for us in the future. He is working on mending my broken heart and my battered soul (and more) that was caused by the last prson I dated. I can't wait to see him in a few days!!!
3. Health exams continue to reveal me to be vibrant, healthy, and free of any more complications..... I did gain back some of my 2011 weight loss, but I am actually okay with it because I feel alive. I feel healthy. I considered taking up running again, but I did that a year ago, and I wound up having a stroke three months into the year. I'm not interested in repeated that. I will just focus on other things.
4. My hospital sent me a check. I'm not sure what it's for, but I'll be more than happy to cash it. We can always use a little kick-back, right?
5. I am finally excited to go to therapy after work tomorrow. I want my therapist to see what I'm like when I'm 100% happy.
Thursday, January 05, 2012
Tuesday, January 03, 2012
Advice
I have a few friends who offer me advice on my life. I am just so bad at it lately.
One told me tonight that I just need to get past it - I experienced some things this year that were completely out of my control, and I need to accept that, process the emotions, and move the fuck on.
It's good advice, and very necessary advice for me to follow. I jsut don't knwo how to do this.
I'm half super thankful for these people telling me what I need to hear....I'm half angry. They don't fuckign understand waht sort of hell I've expereienced in the past year - how some things will NEVER be the same again.
One told me tonight that I just need to get past it - I experienced some things this year that were completely out of my control, and I need to accept that, process the emotions, and move the fuck on.
It's good advice, and very necessary advice for me to follow. I jsut don't knwo how to do this.
I'm half super thankful for these people telling me what I need to hear....I'm half angry. They don't fuckign understand waht sort of hell I've expereienced in the past year - how some things will NEVER be the same again.
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