Counting calories and more

I am stressed and my little obsessive-compulsive traits are really starting to shine.

I scrubbed every inch of my bathroom today, using an old toothbrush to scrub the small nooks and crannies around moldings, etc. I took a short break (exactly 5 minutes) and began to scrub my kitchen the same way. All of my dishes are put away, and the handles for all of my coffee mugs match, for once.

I balanced my checkbook, paid all of my bills for the next month, printed out my recipes for vegetarian chili, started my laundry (separated by color and fabric type), vacuumed the stairs (AGAIN), and I have just taken another short break to write this. In twenty minutes, I will write in my journal - after I vacuum my living room furniture (I am hoping to buy a new set of furniture within one month!). I already planned and printed out a visual representation of my interior design idea.

I didn't eat the healthiest meal this morning. I had waffles, but I used organic preserves and I have been very active today. I have to make up for my poor judgment and willpower later with steamed vegetables and tofu - which could actually come out tasting great.

Jeremy is giving a flying lesson, so I have time to hop in the shower and go shopping...or maybe I will complete all of my work for the rest of the semester. I will most likely have grad classes to worry about when I am returning to my school, so I want to put myself ahead of the game.

I am working on several songs that I can sing and play with the ukulele. I am surprised how quickly I am picking it up. It just sucks that I feel I need to play each chord progression and song three times (perfectly) before I can go on to some other task.

I still need to finish decorating my tree.

All I ever do is whine

I am the reason my life is so boring. Not Jeremy. Not my job. Not my friends.

I have been hiding.

When I began my career, I used to hang out with friends from work. That didn't turn out so well. A friend of one of these friends began acting in a not-so-appropriate way. We all drank a lot, so I figured he was just goofy. It progressed to the point that he was calling me ten times a day, on average - with some days nearing twenty. When I finally had had enough, I called him out on his behavior and commented that he must be on drugs. Unfortunately, he WAS on drugs and my commentary did not create the desired effect - him leaving me alone. Instead, he went into a downward spiral of alcohol and cocaine abuse. He tried to turn my friends against me, which worked for about a month. It all unfolded one day when T. was arrested for possession of cocaine and driving while intoxicated. Our friends were shocked; even though I could see the problem, they couldn't. My friends apologized to me, but I never did lower my guard and enjoy a night out with them again. They were understanding when it I explained my reservations and they kept trying to earn my trust again, but they never succeeded. I do not easily forgive anything, and I never forget.

When I moved back to Michigan, I took on three jobs. I worked eighty hours a week, but I managed to hang out with my new friends from the school and from the hotel. Somewhere in there, I managed to complete a decent amount of graduate coursework. I felt like things were getting better. I felt it was important to support my friends in their creative expressions, i.e. poetry slams, lounge singing, etc., and I made it a regular practice to be there for them. In turn, I found myself the conquest of not one, but two men. While this may sound flattering, it really wasn't. I don't know how to react when someone is interested. I always feel like I should like that person back, regardless of my own relationship status with others. One of the two has lingered in my life, remaining a friend and always acknowledging that I am devoted to Jeremy. I feel weird that he likes me. He calls every few weeks to "check on me". It's nice to have a friend, but I think he is hoping that things won't work out between me and Jeremy. When I originally started hanging out with him, Jeremy and I weren't doing so well. We were adjusting to a new location, and we had experienced an awful year prior to that.
The other guy, N., was a really sweet guy. On the surface, he is a wild man, and that is what most believe him to be. I was able to see him, though. We had deep conversations about life and experiences and lessons learned. When we were out drinking, he looked after me - which I thought was very kind. He and I usually traded off DD responsibilities to let everyone else enjoy themselves. We'd laugh and joke. I thought I had found a great friend; he thought he had found something more. He made his move, which I kindly resisted. It was awkward at work for a while - he and I were usually scheduled during the same shifts at the hotel. And that thought stirred in me - should I like him? I toyed with the idea of trying to like him in that way, but my heart belongs to Jeremy and has been a fixed point for many years. There would be no sense in throwing away what I have for someone I can't see a future with.

Last year, I took a job at a different school and moved away. I moved to a small town in the middle of nowhere. I thought my life would be moving forward - I even met up with a couple of my coworkers several times. It all seemed to be going well, even though I was living two-and-a-half hours away from all the people I care about most. Then, a coworker started to make inappropriate comments to me. First, physical comments. Then, he began making a series of sexual comments about me and Jeremy. It got worse. Despite my efforts to stop his behavior, he moved on to try to make physical contact with me. Jeremy was upset. I was upset. I was doing everything in my power to avoid this man in the building. I didn't want to work. I was miserable while there. The man was coming into my classrooms while I was teaching and would try to make contact with me. I ended up going to my supervisors and reporting his harassment. Another woman in the building was experiencing the same behavior. Luckily, my bosses dealt with the problem quickly and correctly. The man was not allowed at any social events for the staff, and his participation in building-wide meetings was prohibited.

I moved again in July. I thought moving closer to "home" would help me live my life more actively. I hate that I want to hang out with my friends. I hate that I want to step back into the social scene because it never seems to work out right.

But I am miserable staying home.

I think I am a magnet for people with issues, but I don't feel empowered now that I am not experiencing these problems. I know what being empowered feels like - it's the feeling of fighting off someone who is trying to force himself on you. It's knowing that I can go out and take care of myself - that problems will NOT follow me. It's a comfortable feeling that allows me to speak in more than a whisper in a restaurant or bar. It's that feeling of being in control of my own life.

I don't feel in control.

And I am not having any fun.

The boredom is killing me!

I feel the need to get out and do something wild. I really dislike living like some old school marm, but that is the life I am leading.

Please help me out of this rut!

Sore toes and early mornings

I've been blaming my lack of activity on an injured toe. It has been much better lately, but I am still using this as a way to avoid chores.

Random Saturday thoughts

Jeremy and I woke early and decided to see Borat. While it was funny overall, I was left feeling a little disappointed. My friends have been raving about it, but I didn't find all of the situations all that inspired. It showed a negative side of Americans, despite the fact that the character and the given situations were fictional. I did like that it brought to light cultural discrimination, but to believe that the Kazakhstan presented was a true depiction of the people and their heritage is ridiculous.

Perhaps the lengthy (nude) man-on-man wrestling match just left me annoyed. It wasn't a pleasant sight.

In any case, Jeremy and I went shopping this afternoon. I bought two shirts and two sweaters from REI, as well as a kayak pricing guide. They've dropped their prices somewhat on womens' clothing. Afterward, we went to Kohl's, where I tried on about thirty different outfits. I was actually enjoying myself, that is, until Jeremy started to whine about having to wait for me. He's the one who wanted to check out professional clothing! Oh well, maybe he just met his limit of pushy women fighting over clearance rack clothing.

My life is so boring. I suggested that we go salsa dancing tonight in Ypsilanti, but Jeremy has plans to meet up with someone who is leaving his company. I will probably sit at home and read (I assigned my students a Steinbeck novel and I am not yet done reading it!). I will do a load of laundry, and scrub the kitchen. I want to organize one section of the basement and the spare bedroom (music room). My dad just gave me his old keyboard; he bought a new weighted-key keyboard. I think I might be going over my parents' house more to practice - God, do I miss having a piano. I gave mine away when I moved back from Florida.

Mike's hamster died. I feel awful because there is nothing I can do to cheer him up.

Sometimes...

Sometimes I hate you.

Balancing me

I celebrated Halloween in my own way this past week. Since then, my life seems to have balanced a bit. I am focusing on making my personal life better, and it is actually making my professional life much better. I am enjoying teaching German much more than teaching English and Freshman Seminar, though.

Yesterday, I went to a bar with several of my colleagues. We had a decent time. The conversations have not changed drastically among the colleagues from all of the schools where I have worked, but it felt nice to be included in the exchange of ideas.

Last night, Jeremy and I met up with my parents and attended a concert in Cherry Hill Village. We really need to do things like that more often.

Anyway...I just received my letter from EMU. My letters have not yet arrived in the admissions department. That is all I am waiting on. So, I should be starting my MA in English in January, and possibly starting an MA in German in a couple of years.

Just another 'Oh, poor me' post

Self-indulgent whining.

I am frustrated this evening.

I am becoming ill. I feel it in my sinuses. I feel in my shoulders. I feel it in my shins. Time is not on my side. I had to make a mad dash to te post office this morning because we didn't have any stamps left. Jeremy only gets called into work one day a week, and he had said that he would buy stamps a couple of weeks ago (he has used every last one of mine). Unfortunately, he did not make good on this promise and I had to get things in the mail today, which meant I had to pull myself together with all of the housecleaning and laundry and drive all over creation to get where I needed.

I stopped by the store on my way to buy a couple of items that Jeremy had already used throughout the week, despite the fact that he has a freezer full of chicken and turkey. Sometimes, I don't think he cares that I buy things for me, too. I usually pick up the tab for groceries (he never seems to have money after his loan payment), and he eats the majority of the food. He uses everything I NEED for my lunches, and neglects the items I buy for him. I cannot eat these items, as I am a vegetarian.

I am not made of money. I took a pay cut to move to this side of the state, and he just keeps finding ways for me to use all of my cash. Shelves. Food. Storage bins because he can't afford a dresser yet. Food. Toiletries. Food. A bike so he won't have to ride alone. More food.

I have nothing to eat for dinner - at least none of the stuff I purchased for myself. I am determined to not order anything, so I think I will be eating corn and broccoli with a side of cereal with milk I hope has not yet turned (the expiration date was a couple of days ago).

Jeremy offered to make enchiladas (I fucking HATE enchilada sauce - which I tell him every time he wants me to buy it). I'm sure he will use all of the cheddar. He doesn't seem to know how to make proper portions with anything.

I considered labeling all of my food, but wouldn't that make me a total bitch?

We went to the hardware store to buy weather stripping for our front door. Guess who paid? Guess who drove? Guess who always drives?

Oh, and his food is almost ready. He just offered to go pick up a pizza or something for me when he is done eating.

He hasn't been like this in a long time...what is going on?

Cider Mills, old friends and memories

Jeremy and I spent the afternoon with a good friend of his - Nathan. Nathan is a pilot and was on the second-to-last leg of his trip back to Houston, Texas. Nathan and Jeremy go way back - their families are close friends, and have been since before they had children, some thirty years ago. Nathan wanted to go to Franklin Cider Mill, an annual tradition his family kept until 1992 when they moved to Florida. I don't think he could have been happier visiting his old stomping grounds. The drizzle wasn't going to get in our way. We had donuts and cider. I haven't had a donut in almost a year, and it was a welcomed treat.

I told myself to get to bed early tonight, but I cannot seem to turn off the baseball game and march upstairs.

Something about tonight takes me back. I don't know if it is the weather or just the time of year. Perhaps it is the act of visiting a cider mill and drinking cider. In any case, I feel linked to nights years back, when Jeremy and I were both still in college. I used to call him late at night. I'd pick him up and take him back to my place. His roommates were convinced these calls were booty calls, and no matter how much Jeremy tried to explained that it wasn't like that, they just didn't seem to want to believe that two able-bodied college students could have the self-control to not have sex. I loved spending the night next to him. There was always something so comforting about feeling him breathe while he lay next to me. The neighbors would burn leaves outside, and I would cuddle up next to Jeremy - content. We slept in my little twin bed, arms tangled under blankets. We have a bigger bed now, with more blankets and pillows, but we still sleep tangled together, warm and content.

updating a boring life

Autumn visited today. It was nice to actually have a conversation with her - we've really never done that at length. We normally don't see eye-to-eye on anything, and our lives haven't traveled in the same direction.

I wonder if others encounter the same distance in their relationships with siblings. I think she sees me as the person I used to be. We didn't spend any time together while I was in college, or after I graduated - for that matter. Those were my formative years. I spent my teen years uncomfortable and awkward. I was itching to leave, and when I did, I was finally able to figure out how I fit into the world.

One of my cats started "talking" to her. Up till now, this particular cat has only talked to Jeremy and me. This cat is the smarter of the two, and I think Autumn and I must smell or sound similar or something like that. Natalie seemed to know that it would be okay to talk to this person she has seen only once or twice before.


Jeremy is out for the evening. A close friend of his is up from Texas, so he decided to get catch up. I thought I would go to bed early, but I found all this energy to do some research, write and watch a little TV.

I didn't grade any papers today. I need to finish everything by noon tomorrow. Jeremy, Nathan and I are going to a cider mill. I haven't been to one in so long...I am excited.

strange brew

No...this post has nothing to do with a movie.
I just feel odd today. I became severely dehydrated today at work. I lost partial vision in my right eye. I have experienced this before, but it hit me like a ton of bricks. My students in fifth hour were absolutely wonderful. They kept refilling my water bottle for me and they stayed quiet the entire class period - which is uncommon. When I got home, I created a really tastey concoction to hydrate myself quickly. Perhaps I will post the recipe soon.

The end of the first quarter is quickly approaching, and I couldn't be happier.
My students seem to be raising their grades without much prompting from me.
I have a lot of energy today - that might be due to the new vitamins I am taking.
I feel healthy.
Today is the first day my shoulder and neck haven't been killing me.
I worked.
I spoke to a parent.
I spent time with Jeremy before he left for St. Louis (he'll be training until Friday).
I ate a healthy dinner and two healthy snacks today.
I attended my class in Dearborn, which is always great.
I cleaned the bathroom.
I cleaned my bedroom.
I did two loads of laundry.
I graded papers.
I planned tomorrow's activities.
I organized several binders to show my students how to complete a project.
I did the dishes.
I had a department meeting.
And my two former professors sent my recommendation letters.

Busy day. Good day.

Running behind

I have never before felt like time was moving so quickly. I am in constant pain - my shoulder and neck have been aching for over a week now, I feel depressed because I have no time to enjoy life (although yesterday I went to a ukulele class, which was lovely), I am arguing with Jeremy about things that don't really matter, and I cannot seem to get my students' papers graded, entered into the gradebook and returned in a timely fashion.

I was planning on riding my bike this morning, but it has yet to happen.

Big things I need to do by Wednesday of this week:

Resubmit my grad school app to one school with a revised start date (Jan. 2007)
Decide on my new living room furniture so that I can start saving for that
Clean my townhouse
Get a library card
do my lesson plans for the next two weeks (preferably with high-energy, interactive activities)
complete grading
contact parents of failing students
meet with my mentor
study for the MTTC
continue studying for the GRE (I want to get a higher score)
go to my evening class
Exercise for at least one hour each day
go grocery shopping
unpack three more boxes from the basement
visit with my parents
write Meredith and Katie (former neighbors from Florida) a letter
make a dentist appointment
make a doctor's appointment (hopefully, he will tell me to get massages weekly - but I really don't like being touched, especially by strangers)
wash my car before it gets even cooler
Call Diana
Call Becky
Call Melissa
Call Maureen
Call Brendan and invite him and Amanda over
Call Nathan
Keep bugging Jeremy to set up a savings account and start depositing into a 401K
Contact a financial person for myself to continue depositing into a 403B

Someone Gone

You were in my thoughts.
I could have used your jokes today.
I miss you.

School safety

I have been on my boss's case about pulling together a practice code red drill at my school. I have been telling her since before the school year began that we need to have procedures in place. We recently got to the point that I raised my voice to her that she has not provided a safe environment for her students and staff.

She has been repeating that violence like what's been happening elsewhere (Canada, Colorado, Pennsylvania, and Wisconsin) "won't happen here." I have not been accepting that easily. She didn't want to run a drill because it was too much to worry about. In addition, she does not even require exterior doors be closed throughout the day.

The local police departments have just ordered her to do several practice drills this week. I was going to speak to our union rep tomorrow to discuss my concerns with inadequate safety.

Who knew that I would be taking my life in my hands by teaching in a high school?

Birthdays

Tomorrow is my twenty-sixth birthday. I don't know when it happened, but I stopped getting excited about the annual event. I'm not afraid of growing older. In fact, I like the idea. I just have that blah feeling. My mother called to ask if I wanted my favorite birthday cake tomorrow (chocolate mousse cake - yum!), and I told her I don't know. I really don't know what I want.

I asked for a bicycle helmet so that I can take my bike off the paved trails.
I asked for shelving units for my basement.
I asked my dad to run electricity throughout the basement so that I can have an outlet away from the laundry tub.

Do I really need these things? I suppose not, although the helmet may help me stay alive on the trails I plan to ride.

I am aware that birthdays are a way for us to become aware that life IS moving forward, but my life feels like it is at a standstill.


Some of my friends deal with birthdays differently. Some throw themselves parties.
Some just gather friends in small setting. Some continue like it is just another day.
Perhaps I should just disappear for a day. Maybe I'll wake up early and go to the bridge I like in Hines and take some pictures.

I feel exhausted. Yesterday, Jeremy and I scrubbed the apartment. Well, I scrubbed...Jeremy straightened up rooms. His parents came to visit, and I couldn't bear to let them see how things had taken a turn for the worse.
I thought I'd have more energy. My cold is almost gone and I've been eating healthy. I'm even sleeping enough to hit REM sleep, and the dreams have been extremely vivid. I think that may have something to do with the cold medicine I've been taking, though.

NO SLEEPING ALLOWED

I have too much to do, too much to say

I need to:
hang a mirror
clean my entire townhouse (basement, living room, kitchen, hallway, stairs (both sets), bedroom, spare room, bathroom, landing)
do laundry
rearrange rooms (spare room, living room)
get Jeremy a dresser
hire an electrictian to run electricity throughout the basement
bike - no less than 18 miles tomorrow
grade papers, tests
enter grades into the system
take out trash
do more gardening (I pruned the front plants - a lilac bush and a shrub, and I pulled these overgrown flowers - I did replant one of the root bulbs in one of my planters. I need to buy a yucca and a rose bush (spring, maybe) and plant the crocus bulbs I bought today for spring)
check online accounts (email, blogs, bank, credit cards, memberships)
sort and file papers (at least my creative writing is in tubs, apart from everything else)
gather my writing samples for grad school app's
finish my personal statement for grad school app's
plan for the week
prepare for Open House
prepare for my classes next week
get business cards made up for tutoring, as well as for percussion lessons
contact references to write letters of recommendation for grad school
hang photography
print photography
take boxes to Chuck and Paula (I need to find out where they live)
call Bren (to see if he and Amanda want to get together)
get a library card
check out benefits of getting a membership to the recreation center here
vacuum car (I am obsessive about keeping my car clean)
wash car
visit my parents and sister
visit with Maureen, Melissa, Mike at some point soon
order new ink for my nice pen
order/create resources for teaching German
meet with the other English 10 teachers to map out plans
decorate my home with Fall items
try to "finish" the basement w/o overstepping my bounds as a tenant in a rental property
make a dentist appt.
change my primary care physician and find a new doctor
visit a new doctor or two (perhaps a dietician)
make a birthday list
paint toenails
take a bubble bath and relax
buy shelving units for basement
look for a part time job (preferably teaching drums)
sand down wooden trim in home, finish wooden surfaces.
buy items for the patio, including accent stones for boundary of landscaping
sell small xylophone and paintings
buy new (smaller) living room furniture (preferably an eye-popping color like red to accent the black and white photos (except for one 8x10 that has a red lighthouse)
Print photos (yes, MOST of the photography I am using is my own! It's just too bad that the school dark room is now storage for the English dept. Perhaps I could create a dark room in my basement. I can take my dad's photo lab equipment whenever I want.)
donate excess computer and photo equipment to my school
meet with the principal to discuss my plan to better our chances of building a new high school (I have some solid ideas that worked at two other schools!)
invite my family over for dinner and drinks
study for my German exam in October
study for my second round of GRE testing (the first time around didn't give me the score I wanted)
take my class and study with Reenee
spend more time with my cats
start doing yoga more

AND THAT IS JUST AT THE TOP OF THE LIST.
HEAVEN, HELP ME!

New bike

I decided to buy a bike, despite my lowered funds. The sale price was so good that I couldn't pass it up. I went riding yesterday and today.

Back to normal as we know it

I received my insurance check and quickly deposited it. The workday today was chaotic. Nothing was organized, and I couldn't tell what was going on. I am feeling somewhat better about teaching off of a cart in others' rooms, but I would much rather have my own room. I will have key access to the English department office, which will help me to keep my belongings and materials safe overnight.

1st period: Freshman Seminar (Study Hall, study skills, grades and activities check-in) and collaboration days with my department chair (alternating days with another teacher)

2nd period: German 1

3rd period: Planning period (most likely in the English office)

4th period: English 10

A Lunch

5th period: English 10

6th period: English 10

7th period: German 1



Jeremy just called. I have to pick him up at the airport. He was on a trip he wasn't supposed to be on - an inept female pilot he works with decided to call in sick on Monday because she wanted to extend her weekend and stay up north (at least I think she was up north). In any case, Jeremy was called in to fly on an overnight trip, and then they extended his stay an extra night. I hope his coworker gets fired. She has done this too many times. We've had to cancel our scheduled (and approved) VACATIONS because she doesn't want to do her job. I firmly believe everyone should be given an equal shot at doing a job, but when people want privileges and do not perform like everyone else in the same job (they all receive equal pay), they should lose that job. It's that simple.
The old paradigm - Equal work, equal pay. We need to shift it around for those lazy people - equal pay, EQUAL work.

I learned that I work with a distant cousin at my school. Many of the older teachers have claimed that my last name sounds so familiar. I tell them that my parents, aunts, uncles and grandparents went to this high school, but they claim that that is not it. What else could it be?
I found my parents' composite photos in the hallway display at work today. I don't know what it is about seeing my parents so much younger that is interesting. I guess it's that I wasn't even someone they had dreamed up at that point. They existed outside of the reality of me. I have thought about this before, but seeing the places they used to walk and sit in school today made me feel odd.

New car!

I went to several Honda dealerships yesterday, and as fate would have it, I found the exact car I wanted - an alabaster silver 2006 Honda Civic LX at Howard Cooper Honda in Ann Arbor. It was fresh off the truck - it wasn't even unwrapped yet. It wasn't even prepared for a test drive. The salesman was so nice - no pressure to sell me anything. I think he knew that it would have sold today, no matter what. I was aware that every other car in their last shipment was already sold. I have been such a pest lately trying to get the car I want. I've called the sales staff constantly at four different dealerships.
I paid sticker price, which is something I really didn't want to do, but there is no incentive to try to make a deal with these cars - it is a very popular car for not only the incredible gas mileage (30/40) but also the standard safety features and low emissions.
I will be picking the car up on Monday or Tuesday, so things will be a lot more convenient very soon. I am glad, however, that I do know how to drive a manual transmission car.

Interview Tomorrow

I am starting to feel nervous about my interview tomorrow. I am not really worried about the drive - I am feeling much more proficient driving Jeremy's car. I have also decided that I will be purchasing a new car with my savings and then putting my insurance settlement in my savings account. Jeremy talked me out of doing this several weeks ago. We thought my check would be here by now.

high stress day

Went to collect my English texts for work. I asked where my classroom would be. Unfortunately, despite the previous principal's assurance that I would have a classroom of my own, the new principal has decided not to honor that. Instead, I will relocate every class period. I am pissed. I made it clear that I would never spend another year doing what I did this past year - teaching from a cart in other teachers' rooms. It's a nightmare. I know that my complaints may not lead to anything better, but I need to contact the principal tomorrow. I also know that if I am assigned one room, it will screw over one of my colleagues - which is never a good way to make a first impression.

Also, I have no office or area to base myself or store my class-related materials.


The second thing that got to me...Jeremy and I stopped for subs, which were awful.

I had to drive Jeremy's car. I am getting better at it - the clutch isn't such a hassle to me now, but I am not good at it. Not being skilled in such an area is very aggravating.

Had an argument with my dad.

When it rains, it pours, right?


Good news: MEEMIC has paid off my vehicle, and things should be settled by the end of the week. I am hoping to receive and deposit my check by Saturday morning. Then, I can get a car by Monday evening.

Oreos would be easier.

I hate working on me.

I wish my dysfunction led to incoherence.

Patience is a virtue

It may take a while to get my insurance check. I've been trying to make the most of not having wheels of my own - I've been driving Jeremy's car (I am definitely NOT comfortable driving a manual transmission vehicle). I've been getting my home set up. I planted pumpkins near my patio. I've been contacting old friends whom I hope to visit as soon as I have wheels of my own again - I think I will do a great deal of travelling once I am rolling again. I have been washing clothes. I have been writing a little. I rearranged several rooms and have started organizing my basement. I need to buy shelving units.

Birth chart findings

Rising Sign is in 13 Degrees Sagittarius
You are known for being open, frank, outgoing and honest. At times, though, you are also blunt and quite indiscreet. Others have to learn not to take everything you say personally, because you usually do not mean any harm. You appreciate living your life in a straightforward and simple manner -- you dislike social niceties and consider them to be hindrances to real communication. You have lots and lots of energy and tend to become quite restless if you feel confined. You demand the freedom to do as you choose -- you must be self- directed or you feel trapped and anxious. With your abundant energy, you enjoy being outdoors, and you should be attracted to physical exercise or to those forms of sport which can help you burn off some of that excess energy. Very gregarious, you love to socialize -- your innate enthusiasm livens up any gathering.

Sun is in 08 Degrees Libra.
Very sociable, you enjoy being with others and definitely prefer not be alone. Warm and affectionate, you go out of your way to make others like you. You despise ugliness, for you being surrounded by beauty and harmony is a necessity of life. You prefer fine clothing, an attractive home and pleasant surroundings wherever you are. Your refined tastes apply to music and to art as well. At times, you are very indecisive you waver and falter when forced to make a choice because you have the ability to see both sides of any question. The positive part of this is that you are very fair-minded and can be trusted to settle disputes. Your greatest challenge is to take any one- on-one encounter and make the most of it.

Moon is in 15 Degrees Cancer.
For the most part, you are very strong and secure emotionally. You intuitively know what to do to make others feel comfortable, loved, accepted and needed. You naturally enjoy feeding and taking care of others. Be careful that your mothering does not turn into smothering. At times, you tend to feel that those to whom you are attached can never do anything without your assistance and support. Extremely sensitive by nature, it hurts you deeply whenever anyone criticizes you. You have an almost desperate need to be loved and wanted and needed by everyone with whom you come into contact, and you go out of your way to be accommodating to them.

Mercury is in 02 Degrees Scorpio.
You are a born investigator. You are fascinated by secrets and mysteries and unanswered questions of any kind. When you become upset or angry, your emotional reactions are overpowering -- reason and logic disappear in an uncontrollable passionate outburst. You tend to keep your thoughts secret and bottled up and this makes others regard you with suspicion. It is not that you are trying purposely to be evasive, it is just that you would rather not deal with the explosions and hassles that often occur when you reveal your true feelings and opinions. Your sense of humor tends toward sarcasm and irony.

Venus is in 26 Degrees Leo.
You have a striking, regal appearance and demeanor that attracts others to you. Your friendship is highly sought and you tend to take friendships quite seriously -- you remain loyal and true to those to whom you are attached. For you, love is mixed with pride and respect. Relationships are over when you lose respect for your partner. Be careful of a tendency to relate only to those who make you look good -- the powerful, important and influential. This can lead to arrogance and selfishness, and neither of these qualities becomes you.

Mars is in 22 Degrees Scorpio.
Your likes and dislikes are strong and intense, never casual or superficial. You are known for your persistence and willful obsession. Once you have decided on a course of action, you are unstoppable. Your emotional actions tend to be extreme, although you try to keep them muted. You are not quick to anger, you do slow burns. And you tend to release your anger as sarcasm or irony. Beware of your tendency to hold grudges and to be vengeful. When you do fight, or release your internal tensions, you do so body and soul -- you become totally passionate and your outbursts are awesome to behold.

Jupiter is in 24 Degrees Virgo.
You feel most expansive and at ease with yourself when you are doing something that you consider to be practical or useful. You enjoy being dutiful and carrying out responsibilities. You gladly take on the little tasks that others seem to want to avoid. At times, you carry things to extremes and feel guilty anytime you do something that you consider to be self-indulgent. While it is appropriate for you to demand little for yourself in life, try to loosen up once in a while -- go out on a fling and enjoy yourself!

Saturn is in 01 Degrees Libra.
Although you take quite a while to make decisions, you usually consider all sides to a question, all the pros and cons, and the solution you come up with is very often the correct one. You tend to be very reserved and shy, but, once you make a commitment to someone (in either a business or personal relationship), the partnership is forever. You have a strong sense of justice and fair play and greatly respect the laws and institutions by which you are governed. As such, you are outraged when others break laws or show contempt for authority.

Uranus is in 23 Degrees Scorpio.
You, and your peer group, demand to confront life at its deepest and most meaningful levels. Very compulsive and obsessive in your approach to everything, you will avoid anything that is casual or superficial, especially when it comes to relationships. You will seek out and explore new methods of healing as well as different ways to deal with deep-seated emotional problems.

Neptune is in 20 Degrees Sagittarius.
You, and your entire generation, are heavily involved in investigating and idealizing foreign and exotic intellectual systems and religious philosophies. The most extreme ideals will be pursued with gusto. You will be at the forefront of humanitarian attempts to improve the lot of those who are in need of assistance. You will be comfortable with the concept of the "global village."

Pluto is in 21 Degrees Libra.
For your entire generation, this is a time of radical changes in society's attitude toward marriage and interpersonal relationships. There is a general fear and awe at the power inherent in making emotional or contractual commitments -- they will not be entered into lightly.

N. Node is in 19 Degrees Leo.
You prefer to take the leadership role when it comes to dealing with others. You enjoy administering and organizing group activities. Others tend to listen to your suggestions because you aren't usually overly domineering or patronizing in your interactions. You love to entertain in a big way -- you're at your best when throwing a large and lavish party. Your popularity and social success are assured as long as you don't take others for granted -- resist the temptation to become snobbish and arrogant.

...

Bren called me this evening. I feel sorta bad. I've been living in my townhouse for almost a week now, and I haven't called him or his wife (they live in the same complex). I should have invited them over for drinks or something.

My washer and dryer arrived today.
Tomorrow I have a birthday party to attend - what do toddlers like? Maybe I will just give cash so that her mother can stash it away for college (she has to hide money from her husband because he spends everything on booze and cigarettes - and probably a girlfriend or two).
I should have my settlement check by the end of next week. I need to pick out my car.
I started several stories today. One is a short screenplay that I would like to build into a much longer piece, but sometimes, it's not possible. I will most likely incorporate it into a larger screenplay. That seems to be how things are going lately with my writing. It just keeps getting absorbed into larger writings.

I should call Carrie. We haven't talked in months.

Saw JJ tonight

I went shopping at IKEA with my mom this evening. Bumped into JJ - she works there now. It was so good to see her. We haven't talked in such a long time. Now I know where to find her.

...

My life seems to be moving so quickly lately.

Getting a New Car!

I am getting almost exactly what I paid for my car - well, minus 1000 clams. That is frickin awesome!
I am just waiting for my check. I got cable and hi-speed internet today in my new place. I am so happy to be in Canton.

I bought a washer and dryer today. I am surprised that I still have money leftover.

Collision

Today, I rear-ended another car. It was in the middle of a torrential downpour in Ann Arbor, and I was on I-94 Eastbound at Exit 177. The driver ahead of me slammed on his brakes, as did many other drivers. I hit mine, as well. I tried to make it into the lane on the right, as there were no cars, and my car was sliding as if one ice, but the semi behind me cut me off, nearly hitting me. I continued to press my brakes, but nothing was happening. My car kept sliding, and I wound up hitting a maroon JEEP.

No one was injured, thank God, but the front end of my car is severely damaged, if not irreparably damaged. I am not that upset that I got a ticket - that is customary if you rear-end someone. I just wish I had the license plate number of the semi that cut me off, since I was a little preoccupied with stabilizing myself to write it down. I may go to court and fight the points on my license, though. I know that getting out of the ticket is, pretty much, out of question.

The driver and passenger of the other vehicle were very nice. They were extremely helpful, even helping me to move my belongings from my car to my dad's truck when he arrived. I had brought with me a load of items for my move tomorrow. Yeah, don't I have the best luck? Of all the times for this to happen, it has to be when I am in the middle of moving.

The thing that really makes me angry is that my airbags did NOT deploy. For the level of (visible) damage done, the airbags SHOULD have. I am waiting to hear from the collision place and my insurance company to find out how bad the damage is. I need to find out why the airbags didn't go. Had things been worse, I could be dead...and since I'm not, I NEED to know why my car was not working properly. After I find out, I will be contacting Honda to discuss this. I bought a brand new vehicle from them three years ago, and I have maintained it properly (expensive as it is), but the mere fact that the airbags didn't deploy (I can understand if the passenger side one didn't go, but the driver's side!?!) shows a significant design flaw. And I am not letting go of this.

The influence of others

After noticing changes in Jeremy, I started thinking more and more about how we have influenced each other.

When he and I first met in college, I was in the middle of dealing with two messy, on-again, off-again relationships, one that held a deep emotional connection and the other a more outgoing and spirited experience (overall, just a misguided avenue in a good friendship that was never really meant to be more). I was involved in a variety of student activities and political causes that distracted me enough to manage my life in the turbulence of two failing relationships. I was visiting hippie communes and trying new personalities. I turned into a strong liberal, attending small protests and supporting my gay friends in their individual and group pursuits toward happiness and equality. I went to civil rights meetings with my friend J, at which we worked with community groups to help people in poor areas (predominantly black) rise up and join the professional world. Some of the people were anti-white, but most were pleasant and realized that life is difficult for everyone, regardless of skin color.

Jeremy was the staunch conservative (he has an official Republican party pin that I used to laugh at). Despite this, he always had a great sense of humor and I liked the way he looked at the world - so optimistic.

We started dating after my sophomore year in college. I often tested his boundaries on his religious beliefs, expectations, political views, etc. He tried to make me more conservative in all areas - except the bedroom. I think he would have liked for my liberalism to extend into the private sector of our relationship, but I was quite conservative compared to other college students. He told me he loved me months before I said it back. I pointed out that he was liberal with his heart which was not wise. I don't think he liked that, not because he thought I didn't return his feelings, but because I used the term 'liberal'.

As he stepped out into the real world, he learned that being a conservative while being in a low-paying job wasn't really all that great. His ideas and opinions about the government changed. I'm certain this was helped by my cynicism and constant concern about those who kept slipping through the cracks.

When I stepped into the working world after college, I found that belonging to fringe groups and pushing social agendas that did not serve the majority weren't going to solve any problems.

When I first entered my teaching careeer, I found it a strange thing to see a group of people who are traditionally thought of as lefties, because of unions and education, be so conservative. Teachers have to be pillars of responsibility and kindness. We have to find middle ground and eliminate the polarizing ideas that we fought for in our younger years. I became much more like Jeremy.

Jeremy started flight school and returned to his student years. He became more like me. He started sympathizing with nations and small factions in the U.S. that were being persecuted.

Today, we are a nice balance. We are both closer to the middle. I have drifted a bit toward humanitarian causes again, which gives me a slightly more leftist tinge. Jeremy has stayed in the middle but has lost faith in the Republican party. I think he still believes in some of the major ideas, though.

Could it be said that he made me care less and I made him care more?

Abby has returned!

Jeremy called me this morning to let me know that Abby sauntered back very early this morning. I think his parents will probably keep her inside for several days.

Missing Abby

Jeremy's parents' cat has gone missing. Mark saw her last on Saturday, and she has not returned home. Jeremy's mom doesn't seem to think anything is wrong, and Jeremy is sad. He says he is a realist. And I think that is my influence. Jeremy was always a lot more optimistic, and I think that my cynicism over the years has jaded him. I am starting to feel guilty that I am part of what prevents him from believing his cat will come home again. I would prefer not to feel any guilt or regret - this is something I thought I had battled and won these last few years.

I will miss Abby. She is a very nice cat. If she doesn't return tomorrow, I don't believe she will ever return.

A to Z

I can't sleep (what's new?), so I decided to steal from Noelle's bulletin on myspace.

A is for age:
25

B is for beer of choice:
Kraftbrau Dunkel

C is for career right now:
German/English teacher

D is for your dog's name?:
No dog at present. If I did have one, maybe I’d name him/her Jigsaw or something like that

E is for essential item you use everyday:
Computer

F is for favorite TV show at the moment
I have no TV at the moment – it is packed and ready for my move on Saturday

G is for favorite game/sport:
Hockey

H is for Home town:
Originally Westland, currently Paw Paw, will be Canton in four more days

I is for instruments you play:
Percussion, piano

J is for favorite juice:
Apple, I guess

K is for whose butt you'd like to kick:
No one right now – the demons seem to be in the past

L is for last place you ate:
Home

M is for marriage:
Hopefully soon – maybe within the next year

N is for your name:
Alicia

O is for overnight hospital stays:
no overnight stays, although I would have loved to stay all day and night hooked up to the IV with the “cocktail” in when I had my kidney stone last year

P is for people you were with today:
Just me

Q is for quote:
“You got a fucking dart in your neck, man.” Seann William Scott in Old School.

R is for Biggest Regret:
I am starting to live without regrets. Everything I have experienced has helped me to become who I am…hmm…Maybe all the heavy drinking.

S is for status:
Long term relationship (six years!)

T is for time you woke up today:
#1 4:25
#2 6:15
#3 7:45
#4 9:20
#5 11:30

U is for underwear you have on now:
lavender bikini-style

V is for vegetable you love:
carrots

W is for worst habit:.
watching TV

X is for x-rays you've had:
Too many to count – most recent: kidney stone confirmation

Y is for yummy food you ate today:
Alfredo sauce on broccoli and noodles

Z is for zodiac sign:
Libra

Wishes

What is your biggest wish (at least for the next hour or so)?

Would you go back in time and do things differently? Would you have avoided dating certain people? Would you date others? Would you get/not get plastic surgery? Would you go out for a sports team in school? Would you have really worked harder to get into a better school? Would you buy a house? Would you invest your money in the stock market? Would you have stood up for someone else in their time of need?

Just wondering...

Setting up a new life...again

I am very excited to be moving in with Jeremy again. We are working numbers to pay for Lifetime Fitness gym membership. It's expensive, but it has enough stuff to keep both of us occupied (and working out!).
I am hoping that I really enjoy my new job. I have tried for so long to get psyched about it. My interest level has gone up, but I can't say that I am truly thrilled. I need to get my hands on the textbook, not only to brush up but to also research those concepts and bring in a lot more.

...

I returned to Paw Paw at midnight tonight. My weekend was definitely a good one. Jeremy was able to make it to the wedding reception - he arrived only minutes before the end, but he did get to say a few words to my relatives. My uncles told me he is "one of us." It's always good to hear when your family accepts your significant other as part of the family. They then started in on the "When are you two gonna get married already?" lines. Although I love the mention of Jeremy and I in the context of marriage, I still tried to divert attention to two of my cousins who are also in long term relationships. It is far easier (and much less whiney) than saying, "Hey, Jeremy and I have very little cash. Mom and Dad spent all of the money they had set aside for my wedding on Autumn's wedding."

But, I digress...The ceremony was short and sweet (I love 15-minute ceremonies!). The hall was simple and elegant with a variety of choices at the (OPEN!!!) bar. I started drinking very early. I had downed three drinks during the first half hour, which did end up making me quite the entertainer - I need to let that Lish out much more often. The bartender was mixing the drinks a bit strong. I cannot remember the last time I drank so much vodka. Over the next several hours, I polished off many more drinks, sobered up, then fell drunk again. I stopped drinking two hours before the end, just so that I could have time to sober up. My dad agreed to photograph the wedding for my cousin, so I was elected to assist whenever my mom wanted to visit with family. Carrying cameras worth more than my college tuition is not a responsibility to take on while inebriated, so I tried to keep it together.

One of my younger cousins (a senior in high school) and I talked about tennis camp and what to expect during her final year of school. I kept apologizing for being completely drunk while talking. She just laughed. I had a heart-to-heart talk with Autumn's husband about making sure he doesn't ignore her to work on computers (which he's been doing lately). I told him the same thing happened in our house growing up, and that is when my mother really turned into a nag. I really don't want my sister to turn into my mother.

I was sober by the time Jeremy showed up, which was nice. We had to load up the photography equipment. We said good-byes to everyone and then went home.

When we woke Sunday morning, we got ready and went to IKEA to buy a set of dishes and then drove by our townhouse. We sign the papers and pick up the keys on Friday!!! We have an end-unit that backs up to a small park and playground. I should have checked if they have one of those merry-go-rounds. I used to love getting drunk and having contests with friends to see who would vomit first. Stupid, I know, but it killed time in our pathetic, little lives.

Brendan and Amanda live in the same complex, so already we feel more comfortable. I can't wait to have barbecues with them. Also, Brendan and I have sort of started a writer's group. Since I have the workshop background, I think he's looking to me to really set parameters and explain the process. So far, we've worked on a large portion of a novel he is writing and two of my shorter fiction pieces. I am working with two others, but they are not in the area at present. I am hoping that Mike will drive down from Fenton every so often to meet, and that Eric will, at least, send more through email.

Jeremy and I are pricing new furniture and planning the rest of our summer. We plan to meet up with Mike and Noelle mid-August, and we will go to Traverse City with Joel and Jill for a weekend in two-three weeks. We may even hit the Tom Petty concert at DTE. Maybe Melissa and Neil want to go with us. Or perhaps Becky and Dave. We'll see.

I just need to turn off my mind and get some sleep.

Brian Vander Ark at the Kraftbrau

Mike V. asked me to join him at the Brian Vander Ark performance at Kraftbrau tonight. Mike and I met for dinner, then made our way to the brewery. He drank beer and I drank wine. The show was great - it has been so long since I went to any concert, regardless of the size. It felt strange to see someone who was once so famous playing a small venue like Kraftbrau, but that doesn't mean the place wasn't packed. Perhaps a smaller audience is better for building a rapport. He was very polite and personable; I can see why Mike idolizes him so. After the performance ended (and Mike procured an autograph), Mike and I went to Monaco Bay (formerly called Rum Runners) and sat through about an hour of dueling pianos. It was a good time. Lots of discussion. Lots of drunk people. Lots of good cheer all around.

I thanked Mike V. for helping me love Kalamazoo again, especially since I am moving away next weekend. He said it is always good to leave on a good note. That just shows Mike's personality. Although he claims he is a cynic, I don't think he is. He believes in creating positive experiences wherever he goes. He is the loyal and somewhat sensitive type, who is known to write songs about those he loves. He is extremely healthy - he works out a lot and eats healthy. He is an English teacher who loves music (he sings and plays the guitar). He's good-natured and loves to read. But he just can't find sustaining love. C'mon ladies...he is prime for the picking!

I had such an incredible night. I really should hang out with friends more often. I was almost able to forget how much I miss Jeremy. I saw him last Sunday, and I will not see him again until next Thursday or Friday.

I am missing Mike K. and Noelle's barbecue next weekend because I am moving, but Noelle should be in the Detroit area mid-August. We can hang out then. I hope Mike is with her. I haven't seen him since high school. We kept in touch minimally through the years while he was in the army and when he was discharged. I was totally shocked to learn that he married Noelle - one of my friends from college. What a small world!

................................

My apartment is nearly packed in its entirety. I still have a few things that I will be using over the next week, but the boxes are sitting right next to the items.

feeling all song-lyric-y tonight

Gnarls Barkley
Crazy


I remember when, I remember, I remember when I lost my mind
There was something so pleasant about that phase.
Even your emotions had to let go
In so much space

And when you're out there
Without care,
Yeah, I was out of touch
But it wasn't because I didn't know enough
I just knew too much

Does that make me crazy
Does that make me crazy
Does that make me crazy
Probably

And I hope that you are having the time of your life
But think twice, that's my only advice
Come on now, who do you, who do you, who do you, who do you think you are,
Ha ha ha bless your soul
You really think your'e in control

Well, I think you're crazy
I think you're crazy
I think you're crazy
Just like me

My heroes had the heart to lose their lives out on a limb
And all I remember is thinking, I want to be like them
Ever since I was little, ever since I was little it looked like fun
And it's no coincidence I've come
And I can die when I'm done

Maybe I'm crazy
Maybe you're crazy
Maybe we're crazy
Probably


..............................

I have most of my apartment packed in (mostly) neatly organized and labeled boxes. Jeremy thinks it's funny that I get like this, but it just makes the moving in part so much easier. I don't have to try to remember what I put where - it's all right there. Plus, the fragile items are clearly marked. That way, I don't have to buy all new fragile items. Somehow, though, I misplaced one plate. I have looked everywhere, including in a box that I packed other plates. I'm sure it will be in the most ridiculous place when I unpack.

Jeremy and I talked for a while tonight. He is getting all lovey-dovey. I feel it, too. I think that living with him will be quite good, even though our last run wasn't so great. It had its high points, but I don't think we were in the same place. I started my teaching career (Alicia = young professional), and Jeremy was taking a chance with new career training (Jeremy = flight student), even though he had already stepped out for the student role a year prior and had begun to work in his degreed field (criminal justice). This time, I am yet again the young professional and Jeremy is also a young professional. He will continue where is for now, pick up a second job instructing aviation, and he is starting a business that will contract him to some privatized military training.

I feel cheerful. I have successfully resisted my compulsive addictions today. I just need to get to bed without slipping down that slippery slope. The alliteration in that last sentence was not deliberate. Maybe I should write some poetry. I haven't done that in a very long time. Writing poetry has never been my thing. I've studied it - I enjoy that. I think I just have become a snob when it comes to anything in literature. I am too hard on myself when I look at my own writing. Perhaps next time, though.

...

Why do I bother sharing the details of me life? I have veered off the path I originally intended with this. That's okay, though. Life is change, so why shouldn't my blog follow suit? I am ready for change. I want change. I need change.

My life feels quite different lately. I feel like I put on new skin or something - not that I PUT ON skin. This isn't Silence of the Lambs.

And an ironic thought to ponder:

Is destruction really just creation?

Anonymous Maura

I realized tonight that some of my behaviors these past few years are clear indicators of a much larger issue. While part of the healing process is acknowledging that there is, in fact, a problem, I feel strange about revealing it here now. I'm sure that, as time goes on, it will seep into my posts, as I feel it should.

Finding myself following in my normal pattern today, I had the same emotions and thoughts, but this time, I gave myself a short pep talk and decided to do some research into some of the "___ Anonymous" meetings in the area. Many others who suffer from this had posted comments on a support website. I read a few, thought they sounded familiar, and then I read one that really could have been written by me. The woman described her life - it was so similar to mine (relationships, career, hobbies, interests, family, etc.). Her inability to control her issues brought about emotions and behaviors that were so like mine that I read it three more times and then saved it on my desktop. Thank you, Maura. You have no idea how you've already helped me...at least, with the first part.

I broke down and cried for a little while. I became so focused I totally forgot to call Jeremy back, but that hardly seems important to me at the moment.

I always thought that finding and acknowledging something like this in me would make me feel weak, but it really produces the opposite feeling. I want to go to the meeting tomorrow, but my schedule conflicts. I know I should be taking care of myself first, but some things cannot be rearranged that quickly. Just knowing there is a name for this helps me. To know I am not alone helps me.

A very different thing happened to me while reading and experiencing my connection with others...an entire novel came into focus inside of me. I haven't had a good idea in months. And this one came crashing in like waves. That means something.

I really think I am going to be okay. With help.

Bittersweet

I was cleaning and packing up my belongings today. I had to call maintenance because my garbage disposal wasn't working properly. The man arrived quickly and took care of the problem immediately.

It dawned on me that I am really going to miss this apartment. I absolutely LOVE the complex I live in. The floorplan is smart and modern. I have a HUGE bathroom and a HUGE kitchen. Granted, I don't have a washer and a dryer in my individual unit, but this place has simply been a terrific place to live. The surprising thing is that this is considered "luxury" living in Paw Paw. It's not what I would consider luxury, but it is definitely nifty. The staff is so helpful and they get to know the residents fairly well. Everything is run so efficiently. Jeremy even said that he likes it here. If only I could move this entire place over to the Detroit area. If I were within an hour of my job, I'd consider staying.

I am already seeing a negative with the place where I will be living. They cannot keep their office paperwork in order. They've lost several forms that I turned in on Saturday. I then had to scramble to get things squared away today, as I NEED the apartment this month. The office staff is somewhat rude, but I usually don't have any issues with management, so I really have no reason to contact them. They claim that it takes 3-4 days to process everything for new tenants, which is a total fabrication of the truth. I've been through this process so many times - most people do all of the reports and contacts in front of you. The longest one I have ever witnessed took 45 minutes. The shortest - 7 minutes (and that was because the printer was jammed). I have sparkling credit, a clear and positive tenancy record, and I submitted paystubs from my current employer, as well as a letter stating my new salary and contract details from my new school. I pointed out their ineffective use of time today. I don't think they liked that.
Why am I moving there, then? Well, they have an incredible deal: a two-bedroom townhouse with a full basement for 709.00/month, plus 100.00 off each month for four months. W/D hook-ups in the basement and they pay for the water. No pet rent, either.

We always need to weigh what's important with what we can tolerate.

...

My life is not interesting.

Good Morning!

I woke at 10:30 today. I thought I remembered posting something last night, so I checked - and yes, I did post something. Something ridiculous. I considered removing it, but Az had already commented, so my little secret was out. What does it matter, anyway?

I am chipper and anxious to begin my day, but first I thought I'd write some of my thouhts on my blog. I had extremely vivid and creative, yet realistic, dreams. Some will, undoubtedly, find themselves in my shorter fiction collections. I just wish I felt my creative writing was ready for publication. I had both Brendan and Mike give me literary comments on them - Brendan because he's a literary snob and Mike because he writes a lot, too, and is a high school English teacher. These two provided a great deal of feedback. I think I will send my work to Eric - an old writing group partner. Perhaps we can resurect our little writing group with several new members.

I finished off a bottle of wine last night. I had had one glassful about a week or so ago, and the bottle had been sitting in my fridge since then. I just never know when to stop when it comes to wine. With hard liquor and beer, I have a limit, but wine doesn't offer me that same feeling. I originally started with one glass so that I wouldn't go and buy fast food. I wasn't about to walk 2.5 miles, and I simply will not operate a vehicle if I've consumed alcohol. I just continued to drink. I watched The Last of the Mohicans, called Autumn (told her husband to ignore the computer for an hour and spend time with his wife!), spoke to Jeremy, posted blogs, sent a couple of emails, and then went to sleep. The emails seemed like a good idea at the time, but I am not so sure now. Oh, I wrote a (really good) brand new personal statement for my grad school applications - I am resubmitting my applications to start in the winter semester as my life will be chaotic until I get the hang out things in my new school. Plus, I am going to be a little overwhelmed as I learn how to approach teaching a foreign language. I started three new stories - one seems to be something I can build into something larger. It would probably work best as a screenplay.

I should drink more often. Famous last words, right? Watch me spiral into an alcoholic nightmare. I am fairly certain I carry that gene. There is a high percentage of alcoholism in my family. Plus, a couple of years ago, I was very much a heavy drinker - I went out after work most days out the work week, then spent weekends drinking. Sometimes, I could resist and be the DD, but those moments were far and few between. I am a much more lively person while drinking, while during most of my sobriety, I am such a stick in the mud.


I am working on that.


Jeremy and I finally have "couple" friends. Joel and Jill are so much fun. We've gone out to dinner, hung out making fun of TV shows, gone for ice cream. In August, we are going up to Traverse City together to get away.

I am still a daily to-do list person, but I don't set my expectations too high anymore.

I am getting into art lately. I never really cared before - even though I've loved going to art galleries since I was little.

I started doing more photography.

I am thinking of putting together a list of things I'd like to experience before I die - not that I anticipate dying any time soon. I just think that I need find a way around regretting what I haven't done.

DRunk

I am drunk. I am very drunk. I called Jeremy to tell he's hot.he asked if Id been drinking. hell yes, I said.
having troubl finding keys.
bybye

...

Just another "blah" day.

I made myself French toast and potatoes for breakfast, but they really didn't cheer me up. I cannot say what is really upsetting me, for sure, but most of it probably is swirling around the fact that my "restful" summer vacation I was so eager for has really not been all that fulfilling.

Yes, I have gone on mini vacations to several places. I've gone to see an airshow. I've gone sailing with Jeremy's parents. I went to Brendan's wedding. I've spent time with relatives and friends I've been too busy to see throughout the school year. I landed a decent job in southeast Michigan. I almost have a townhouse in Canton I am moving into this month - it's being prepared while management processes my paperwork. Jeremy and I have spent a lot of time together.

I think my idea was that time would creep by while I wrote short stories, plays, maybe a screenplay or two, and a novel. Instead of writing, I've been studying German and sitting around watching DVDs. I am not even packed for my move yet.

..........................

Oh, yeah...
Congratulations to Wesley and his wife, Lynn. They are purchasing their first home - a very nice house in Florida, Wes was honorably discharged from the army (for medical reasons) but will still benefit from the education perks, and they are going to have a baby in February!!!

...

The phone calls for interviews have halted. This is typical. What usually happens is for about three weeks in the middle of the summer, no calls come in, but they do pick up again. I suppose that is okay. I have my German test on Saturday morning. In the afternoon, Jeremy and I are going to take care of all the paperwork at the complex. We almost signed for a place in Ypsi. It's actually a decent area - south section near Ford Lake, but the townhouses we are looking at are more affordable and offer more storage. Plus, I would much rather live in Canton, anyway.

I can do some landscaping both in front of and in back of my individual unit. I've missed being able to have all of my plants outside. I really took up gardening in college. I grew flowers and vegetables wherever I could.

Perhaps once we're settled in, we will have a small get-together. I would love to barbecue and entertain.

I have been studying German for the better part of the day today. I know I need to keep working on it, but I just cannot bring myself to do it.

I am feeling more positive about teaching German, but I still don't really want to do it. I know I probably could do it, so that is progress. I am hoping to be truly excited about the idea by the end of August. It usually takes me a while to get used to change. At least I have had plenty of time to let the idea grow on me.

Ich habe eine Idee...Does anyone remember enough German from years ago to hold a simple conversation with me? Meine Deutschesprache ist nicht so formal (oder gut), und ich brauche mit einander sprechen. Ich habe viele vergessen. Deutsch war mein zweite Hauptfacher in der Universitat, aber ich kann diese Sprache nicht fliesend sprechen. My German is absolutely atrocious at this point. Hilf mir, bitte!

(Not necessarily) thought provoking questions

Is it possible to have low self-esteem and actually be aware of it? Or is self-esteem like craziness in that if you think you are crazy, you have self-awareness and are, therefore, not crazy?

Does anyone produce what they truly are capable of doing?

Does hoping someone die in some way help that person die?

What do my cats dream?

Is there anyone who is truly him or herself on the internet?

Why do humans collect things? Is it a way to have a tangible memory?

Why are people so afraid of honesty?

Is it possible to forgive people who have seriously wronged us? (I'm not talking about stealing, cheating, etc.)

Do parents ever see their children as adults?

What will anthropologists thousands of years in the future think of my remains?

Why do people think that teachers are pinnacles of professionalism? They are average, middle-class people.

Stick a fork in me

So, Jeremy and I had a wonderful time with our respective families. I relaxed and took in the sights. I was thinking of posting some of the pictures, but most of the good ones have people in them, and I really don't feel comfortable posting pictures of others without their permission.

Port Sanilac was lovely. We stayed on the boat overnight and then sailed down to Lexington on Tuesday morning. We visited with Jeremy's grandmother for a short while and then had to get a ride back to his car to drive to my parents' house. The barbecue was nice. We helped my parents clean up and then crashed at their house.

This morning, we went apartment hunting again. We visited places in Ypsi and Canton - Canton is definitely the winner. Jeremy loved the one I had picked out a week ago.
$709 - 750 a month (depending on the upgrades), 2-bedroom townhouse, complete with a basement. Several available this month, patios in courtyards, allow pets and there is NO monthly charge. Water is included, and there are washer/dryer hookups in the basement. Best Buy has a decent deal right now - full size washer and dryer combo for $400 - they are adequate for rental living. And they have a hell of an incentive to sign a lease this month (money off each month for four months!). We don't need anything extravagant, so this place is a great deal.

Now, I'm back in Paw Paw, trying to gather everything I need for my test of Saturday (German MTTC), as well as all of the paperwork I will need for my rental application.

I'm exhausted - I need a vacation from my vacation.

Vacation

Jeremy and I drove to Traverse City yesterday. What a beautiful day! Sunshine, warm weather, lots of things going on...

We sat on the beach and watched the airshow. I've never seen an airshow over the water, so that was a nice change. I will try to convince Jeremy's parents to sail up there next summer for the event.

I now have a terrible sunburn, which stings like mad. My cotton shirts are not soft enough. I used sunscreen, but apparently SPF 15 isn't strong enough for my Polish skin. We are driving to meet Jeremy's parents in Port Sanilac, spend the night on the boat, then we are going to my parents' barbecue on the 4th. Then, on the 5th, Jeremy and I are going to view several apartments in Canton, Ypsi, Westland, Livonia, Belleville, and possibly Ann Arbor. We are finally earning enough to live somewhere decent, but we want to save up for a down payment on a house. That leaves us with a strange predicament - live some place we like and can afford or live somewhere decent that will help us save some dough. Maybe we will find the happy medium.

No Traverse City trip tomorrow

Jeremy drove out to get ready for our trip up north for the weekend. We ended up in an argument about my move back to the Detroit area. He and I will be sharing a place, most likely in Canton, but he really hasn't taken initiative and sought out places to live - and he's already living in the area. I've had to spearhead this endeavor, and I have been making multiple trips from the west side of the state to take care of this. In fact, the last time I drove out, he wouldn't even meet me to visit places together. He was sitting at home watching TV. This lack of interest and cohesion has left me feeling somewhat angry, and the anger reared its ugly head for a short spat that resulted in silence for the better part of an hour.

We talked about finances and sorted through our respective budgets, as I will be taking a slight pay cut in the new school district. We determined that leaving town tomorrow for an unnecessary trip is not in our best interest - we will be paying rent for our current places, as well as rent and a deposit (most likely equal to one month's rent) in the next three weeks for a new place, then the next month's rent soon after that. Perhaps I should take my uncle up on his offer for temporary relocation into his townhouse in Ann Arbor. I just would prefer not to get into any business dealings with family members. Plus, he is placing it on the real estate market soon, and I would hate to get in the way of that process.

Although I know it wouldn't be economically wise to take a trip out of town (Jeremy and I had planned for a day or two in Traverse City, then two days of sailing on the Great Lakes with Jeremy's parents in their rather cushy sailboat), this will be the only chance we both have for a vacation this summer. I want to seize this opportunity. Maybe Jeremy and I will complete some calls tomorrow and decide to drive up north early on Sunday. I think we need to get away from everything that burdens us, if only for a day or two.

...

So, Teresa and Jessie have sent emails that isntruct me to tell secrets about myself. One says to include 50 and the other - 100. I would like to fill them out and send them along (or post them here), but that overly-suspicious part of me wants to know why someone would need to know so much. I am paranoid about releasing information about myself. I've also noticed that Peaj posted a list on her blog.

I wonder what can be gleaned from giving information such as this. Is it just interesting? Are people making assumptions about who I am based on past evidence? Will I say the wrong thing and upset someone else? Why do I feel the need to keep this stuff inside me? Do I really know what about me is worth revealing?

Perhaps I will just begin a list and see where things go. Maybe 30 or so to start.

Reenee, you should do this, too. Just so I am not feeling alone.

1. I don't like being called "Lish" unless I invite you to do so, or if you know me from this blog.

2. While I love my cats dearly and see that they are mildly intelligent creatures, I will forever remain a dog-person.

3. Even though I know I am a good English teacher, I get very sheepish when discussing what I do.

4. I collect the last writing from people who are close to dying.

5. I have been in love twice in my three longest relationships.

6. I fear going to Farmington just because I might run into a demon from my past. He probably doesn't live there anymore, but I'm still very uncomfortable there.

7. I kicked the daily drinking habit that was taking over my life.

8. I'm not a smoker, but I am tempted to buy cigarettes every time I smell the smoke.

9. I used to like when people thought I was a prude.

10. I fear I won't be a good German teacher.

11. I feel like I was Yoko, even though someone else fits the bill more recently.

12. I figured out who I don't want to be as a parent and wife while watching Oprah on Monday, June 26, 2006. I hadn't watched Oprah since 2002.

13. My favorite numbers are 4, 7 and 13.

14. I just had a pre-employment physical and the doctor said that I am average weight, when compared to others in the Canton area. I still say I am fat.

15. I eat because it fills the void of being with someone but being alone at the same time.

16. I still dream that I will wake up and learn that I have a much better life.

17. I like pepper on cantaloupe.

18. I almost dated one of my percussion instructors.

19. I avoid the dentist because I'm too lazy to call and set up an appointment.

20. I am a die-hard capitalist. I work hard for my money, and I hate that the government takes a portion to give to people who either didn't make good decisions with their lives or are just too lazy to go out and get a job.

21. I wish I could be a hippie.

22. I sing in my car...really loud.

23. I want to travel around the world so that I can choose where I would live the best life.

24. I've thrown up once from alcohol. Usually I can hold my own fairly well.

25. I rarely sleep through an entire night.

26. Caffeine makes me sleepy.

27. I've had one documented kidney stone, but I think I have had a few more - smaller ones, of course. I just figured I'd be fine without visiting the ER (it's so good to have leftover medication!).

28. I miss the house I grew up in.

29. I used to go to a lot of hockey games.

30. I have a new friend named Jill. She is dating one of Jeremy's friends and we hit it off quickly. I am hoping she moves to Michigan in July.

31. I am much more confident and comfortable in front of new people. Teaching has really impacted me. In fact, I am really starting to like the attention.

32. I am every age I used to be.

33. I have weird images and memories from early childhood - being bathed in the kitchen sink, being potty-trained (I still blush) and Autumn drawing on me with a pen in my crib, among others.

34. I watch people too much.

35. I rarely forgive and I never forget.

That's all I can think of. Maybe more will come to me later. The day is still young.

Post or not to post - that is the question. POST

...

Today was a different sort of day. The maintenance man actually fixed the leak from upstairs. I still need the water in the carpet extracted, but it is great that the dripping ceased.

I received my paycheck in the mail. The school district must have sent them out two days early - the mail in this part of the state is ridiculously slow. I was so pleased to see that union dues are not being taken out. That means an extra $40. for my bank account. I know $40. isn't that much, but when it feels like "extra", I can put more over into my savings.

I visited the district office and then walked the nature trail behind my school. I don't know what got into me, but at some point I started jogging. I had gone there to take pictures of the river, but I was jogging instead. It isn't a long trail, but I jogged for approximately half of it, which did make me break a sweat. It felt good. The uneven ground wasn't a problem, and my knee didn't ache afterward. I then went to the library and checked out "March of the Penguins". What an adorable film! I also watched "A Walk to Remember" (I've started reading a lot of Nicholas Sparks' books, as well as watching the movies). I had seen portions of it before, so it was nice to finally see how it all pieced together. The final movie on my checkout list was the Walmart documentary. I've been really into documentaries lately. Some of the sequences are choppy, just like in a Shakespeare documentary I own, but it definitely sends its message.

Jeremy is waking early tomorrow to come out for a visit. I planned to get to sleep early, but that is just not going to happen. I drank a little alcohol, so I've been bouncing around cleaning. I came down from my buzz about half an hour ago, and decided to check my email and respond to Chuck's blog entry. I am also playing Spider Solitaire, a new obsession in my quest for repetitive games.

I think I should finish cleaning my living room and then study German. I do have that test on the 8th.

...

The ceiling is leaking again. I have to put in another call to maintenance. The worker yesterday said he went upstairs and took care of it. Unfortunately, whatever he did was ineffective. I have sopped up most of the water, but the carpet needs for the excess water to be extracted professionally. I am certain there is damage to the walls, as well. I sprayed a bleaching agent to thwart mold growth, but I really don't think it will help all that much.

I have found myself online for the better part of the day. I found one old friend and sent her a message. I was surprised to see her image on a friend's myspace friendlist. I hope she receives it soon and contacts me. It's been way too long. Jess and I go way back.

I am hoping I can find Carrie again. We had been in contact about six months ago but lost touch once again. I don't know what is driving this urge to reconnect with old friends - probably seeing some of them at Brendan's wedding made me realize how much I do miss them.

Why did we stop hanging out? Will things change when I move back in July?

...

Jeremy is driving out to visit this weekend. I can't wait to see him.

I've been pricing apartments in the Detroit area. I should just buy a house. It really is a buyer's market right now. There are deals for first-time home buyers, as well as zero down/zero closing fee deals. Would this be wise? It would significantly change my taxes for the better.

...

I am finding it difficult to get motivated today. I drove back home yesterday afternoon to water-soaked carpet in my living room. My upstairs neighbors' A/C unit pipes leaked through the floorboards and my ceiling. What an exciting surprise! At least nothing major was damaged. Maintenance arrived quickly and looked into the matter. I think he was able to fix the problem - there has been no more water; I am going to request that they steam-clean my floor. I would prefer not to deal with mold and the musty smell.

...............................

I fear I am turning into a Rod Stewart fan.

I am afraid of not being able to accomplish my goals.

I am afraid of not having the necessary German skills for the first day of school.

I actually hate summer vacation. If I had, perhaps, two weeks off, then I'd be a lot better. I get lazy. I should have picked up another job. Now, I just want to sit around.

Driving

I have driven 1000 miles since Friday. I have been traveling primarily between my apartment and my parents' house. I have had a wedding, a family gathering, a contract signing session and an interview. I drove back to Paw Paw today. My interview went really well today. I am hoping to get a call back soon. I am not relying on that, though, as I have the German/English offer on the table. I have to complete some paperwork and have a physical next week. yippee.

I have been searching apartment listings. My uncle has been renovating his townhouse and is putting it on the market soon. He said that if I cannot find a place to live, I am more than welcome to briefly rent his townhouse. That's pretty nifty.

I am excited to be returning to the Detroit/Ann Arbor area. I am in high spirits. My life seems to be panning out well now. I just have to decide which grad program (English) will be the best for me. I also need to look into grad programs I want for German.

I am also saving up for an intensive German class in Munich during the summer of 2007. That will count for my professional development and will allow me to set aside the money for room and board, as well as tuition. The best part is that I will get to see a lot of the "folksy" culture, as Munich is in Bavaria (the southern region in Germany). Most Germans from the other regions consider Bavarians to be crazy or just plain hillbillies. It must be the lederhosen. I think it would be wonderful to see that part of the country. And there is time built in for travel - I can go to Bonn, Frankfurt and Berlin on day trips, especially on the weekends. I will definitely visit Austria, and possibly other countries, too.

...

I attendend Brendan and Amanda's wedding on Saturday. It wasn't quite what I had expected, but it was nice, nonetheless. I knew I would be happy to see Peaj and Chuck, but I didn't expect to be so happy to see so many people from years past. I hadn't realized I missed them so much until they were relaying the events of their lives and I realized I missed out on their experiences. They were surprised to learn that I am a teacher. Was I really that angry in school?

It seemed as though they didn't feel comfortable speakign with me. I don't know if it was just that they don't really know me anymore or if we just have fewer things in common now. I was happy to communicate, but most of the conversations died fairly quickly. BJ and Anne were great to talk to. If you have never talked to these two people, you are definitely missing out. They are unique and witty and always have an interesting perspective to share on age-old situations.

Several of us exchanged contact information. I am in the process of modifying images - I'd like to crop out mysterious hands and people doing ridiulous things in the background of some pretty wonderful shots of Brendan with his family. I will be sending pictures to several people through email today and tomorrow. Perhaps I should upload a picture or two here. Maybe a little later, though.

2:50 AM EST

I can't sleep. I figured I had another week or so until the insomnia hit. Teaching keeps me regulated, especially with a sleep schedule. And this past week has been so full of naps that I thought, for sure, something was wrong with me...like chronic fatigue syndrome.

I'm a hypochondriac and just plain crazy in many situations. I admit it.

To those of you who have dated me at some point in your lives(excluding Jeremy - you're stuck with me, baby!): You should be so happy you didn't end up with this cracked pot. I get irritated if towels are folded "wrong". Trust me, Jeremy has heard about this many, many times. I have incredibly high expectations of everyone, which many people cannot live up to and I let them know that. I like romance and affection, but only when I want it. I don't like to accomodate others and their schedules. I like certain foods in certain places in my fridge, as well as in the cupboards. I like all of the kitchen and bathroom drawers to contain items that are placed inside in straight lines and perfect 90 degree angles (Yes, I measure). I like silence so that I can exist within my imaginary world, but if you want to do the same, I don't want to let you go there. I will do my best to distract you. I love playing repetitive games like solitaire for hours on end. It really is an obsession.

3:00 AM EST - Jeremy's alarm should be sounding.

I will play the same song ten times in a row and then never listen to it again because I have it in my head forever. I envy people who feel no shame pushing groceries in a cart all the way home from the store. I think flannel shirts should make a comeback - the nineties had some low maintenance styles that need to be revisited. I keep watching Dawson's Creek DVDs. I've been rewriting scenes and scripts to make them work better. I speed read a lot, especially books about puntuation and grammar (Lynn Truss's Eats, Shoots & Leaves is absolutely wonderful!). I am addicted to the internet. I cleaned my bathroom with bleach products three times in the past week. I talk back to the characters from my stories. I have favorite pieces of silverware (my favorite is a soup spoon that my mother left at my apartment). I like collecting stones from different places I have visited. Half of my electronic equipment in my apartment is not hooked up because I like to take things apart. I still have the majority of my stuffed animals from childhood.

3:11 AM EST

I love to people watch at the mall, despite my fear of large crowds. Maybe that's something I should do tomorrow when I pass through Ann Arbor - go to the mall. There is virtually no chance any of my former students will be there. I can pretend to be from another country, just like Dharma and Jane do on Dharma & Greg. Lesley and I used to do stuff like that. Even Melissa, my first college roommate - the drug addict artist who didn't wear shoes - did stuff like that with me. I haven't gone to any playgrounds in years. Jeremy has never been into that. I ALWAYS had fun going to those, even though I usually injured myself. Sometimes others did, too, like Ben.
I still get butterflies. I revel in that sensation. I can return to almost any situation/experience and walk through each feeling and I still get goose bumps - firsts are always fun to return to. I remember fights from ten years ago. I can remember some fights word-for-word from twenty years ago. I remember phone numbers and codes from childhood. I am paranoid - maybe that comes from teaching. Have I always been paranoid? I love new school supplies. I get so excited at the end of summer when the stores have those huge sales. I like collecting backpacks. I like being overly prepared.

3:27 AM EST

Jeremy is supposed to be up to get ready for his flight. I hope he calls. I told him I'd probably be awake. I can't shut off my mind tonight.

I know I am rambling, but it's my blog. If you don't want to read it, don't. What I should be posting, though are the articles and lessons I will need for next school year. I just don't want to get too far ahead of myself.

I need to call my uncle about his townhouse to find out if he is looking to rent it out. I think my mind is finally slowing down a little. I will research cat behavior for a few and then I will study German - it will hopefully help me to fall asleep. I just don't want any more of that horrific dream.

3:31 AM EST

I just yawned. I think it is time to sign off. And I'm not apologizing for this nutso post.

...

My day has been slipping by so quickly.

I woke many times throughout the night from nightmares. Not the typical unsettling dreams that involve losing teeth and/or running from someone - but the type that make my heart thump so hard that I think I am having heart trouble. Last night I kept falling back into the same dream: a blond man roughly my age was killing my entire family (which wasn't my family in real life). There were three children, two boys, one girl. The girl was on the grass bleeding from her abdomen. He had swung an axe from my shed into her.
I woke up.
When I fell asleep again, the dream started off differently. I was in the neighborhood of the same house, though, meeting with a Bible study group from whatever church was mine. The same man came driving by in an old pick-up truck and fired at us with a shotgun.
I woke myself up. I usually know when I am dreaming and tend to choose to wake up. I sat up for a few minutes, read a few pages of a German book, and then turned out the light and tried to sleep again.
This time, I was back at the house and the man was inside with me. He punched me and then I was running (a little more like my typical bad dreams). The problem was that this time, one of the boys was next to me and grabbed my leg and bit my knee. I woke up to pain. I am wondering if one of my cats might have bitten me or latched on with her claws (one of them used to have a nasty habit of attacking anything that moved under the covers).
I decided to get up and go get water. I turned on a DVD and watched a few minutes of Hitch.
I dozed off in my living room and fell into a dream that was, once again, in the same place, only I was looking out a glass window at the guy in the same truck.
It stopped after that, and I was in another dream where I was having a snowball fight with my childhood friends. We were about seven or so, and I was on the old Cooper Elementary site. I had a few other dreams that were somewhat boring.

Has anyone ever experienced this? What triggers something like this? Does anyone know about the psychology behind this stuff? Am I totally cracked?

Anyway, I woke after nine and plunked away on the computer for almost four hours finishing comments on a friend's story. Then I showered and started cleaning again. I really need to find a hobby outside of my apartment. I went shopping for something new to wear to Bren's wedding. It took me about three hours, but I found something decent. The only problem is that I cannot decide which shirt to wear with it. I bought two different ones because I couldn't decide. I like them both too much and they accent the skirt in great but different ways. I guess I will have to ask Jeremy for his input. He'll probably suggest whichever one comes off the easiest. Did I just say that? Shame on me.

I spoke to Jeremy's mom about my job offer. She wants a full report after I go to the next interview. I am looking to get the best possible deal out of my move back to the Detroit/Ann Arbor area. I have no problem using one offer as leverage to push another district to pay me more. That is the plan.

Summer recaps

Summer vacation isn't the way I remember it, but then again, I haven't really had a real vacation (without a job or classes) since high school. I'm thinking I will sit down and work on several of the stories I've been mulling over. I also need to keep publishing my professional article pieces about teaching. I am also exercising. I went walking yesterday, which would have been jogging, but I decided to walk to the library to return books. It's a little difficult to maintain a constant speed and cycle of breathing when the books keep falling from one's hands. I have been studying German to brush up on my skills for the MTTC German test and for the fall; I will be teaching German and English at a high school in the Metro Detroit area - well, it will be official as soon as I sign the paperwork next Monday. I am excited, but I don't think they will put me higher up on the pay scale. I don't want base pay, but I know every district is playing the budget game. I have two years from Florida, which will not be considered - I can understand that. The two years from Michigan include one year in a private school (not usually used for consideration) and one year from a public school (which should be considered). I'll keep you posted.


Summers past:

Last year, I was still working two jobs outside of my teaching career and took on graduate classes at WMU and BSU (it was all jolly good fun, though).

In 2004 I drove up from Florida and took over my sister's wedding plans (remind me to just elope, would you?).

In 2003 I spent most of my time taking classes to complete requirements for my teacher certification.

2002 was interesting. I moved to Florida, changed my life completely by moving in with Jeremy, got a kitty, worked two different jobs (receptionist at a nifty sports complex and substitute preschool teacher) and then was hired as a full time teacher in a middle school.

I took Summer I and Summer II session classes in 2001. I also worked with my high school marching band and Payless ShoeSource (what an awful job! I hate feet).

2000 - Worked full time at a hardware store. I smelled like keys and fertilizer. I did perform in an orchestra, though, in Dearborn and was paid fairly well for it. Started dating Jeremy. He had a dozen roses delivered one month after our first date. It almost scared me off.

1999 - Worked at the very same hardware store. Was still dating my ex and things were going really well. I thought it was going to last forever. Participated in orchestra.

1998 - Worked a lot at the hardware store. Participated in orchestra.

1997 - Last real summer vacation. Spent so much time with friends and my ex. Band camp (no jokes, please). Slept in a lot. Wrote a lot.