Tuesday, April 24, 2007

Risk II

I bought a bunch of discount games for my PC. Among them - Risk II. I can't stop playing it!

Monday, April 23, 2007

Seeking focus

I am always looking for something, whether it is a class or a friend or a new book. When does this behavior subside?

I am about to do another round of job searches in specific districts around Detroit.

I am making pierogies for dinner. I haven't decided what to have with them. I'll most likely heat corn and Morningstar Chik'n patties.

I will be scrubbing my bathroom and kitchen tonight. I cannot live comfortably when these rooms aren't clean.

I replanted several plants and brought in a couple that have issues with temp's in the sixties.

I also need to figure out some stuff for Eastern. I still don't have my ID or parking permit. I haven't ventured out to the book store, which is a problem. I may have a reading assignment due at the first class.

Saturday, April 21, 2007

Performances

My concert went really well. The percussion ensemble was excellent; I am so happy I decided to join it.

I purchased tickets for my parents, Jeremy, and my sister plus her husband. I was glad to see them, but I was cranky toward the end, and I just wanted to go home. I felt I had spent enough money for the day, and I will see them tomorrow when we meet to celebrate my mother's birthday (Monday).

I tended to my garden and flowerbed today after I attended the school hug (a lame-ass attempt at creating community awareness and unity). I put on the supportive and happy teacher face in front of the parents, though.

I feel so angry right now. I don't know if it is the fact that my band season is done for a couple of months or what. I just feel as though I am being let down.

I have a German teacher professional development workshop next Saturday in Kalamazoo, which sounds like fun. Plus, I can stop to see Laura, James, and Noah in Battle Creek. I think I should see if they all want to meet for a drink. I haven't seen them in so long!

Anyway...
I thought Jeremy and I would be all over each other upon returning home tonight, as things were just starting to heat up when I had to leave. Instead, it's the opposite. I am feeling angry now, and I just want him to disappear for a while. I am pretending to be in a much better mood - I am not going to be bitchy to him just because I feel like I am having a bad night.

I need to get back into shape. I need to run. I need to do yoga. Maybe I just need some cabana boy to help keep me limber and keep my heart rate up! Just kidding.

Kcin called me prior to my concert. We talked for a short while on the phone - it's been so long!!! I will be calling her very soon to set up dinner or something. We've used myspace to catch up a little, but she and I were so close a long time ago - especially when her brother was dating my sister. Perhaps I will set up a girls' night out with her, Reenee, Beck, Krys, Teresa, and a few others.

Damn...I'm up; I'm down. I haven't felt a roller coaster like this in many years.

Tuesday, April 17, 2007

Sherman Alexie

I went to see Sherman Alexie tonight. What an awesome reading/performance!!!

I will be posting a picture of Alexie and me on my myspace soon. I may also upload some of the audio recording. The man is hilarious.

He signed one of the books I purchased which could not have pleased me more.

Interviews

I stood in lines most of the day today. I attended a teaching job fair at EMU, and I experienced some of my very best interviews! I am now checking that everything I submitted electronically is accurate and complete.

Tonight, I will be going to hear Sherman Alexie in Ann Arbor.

Then, I will come home to celebrate the (7th) anniversary of my first date with Jeremy.

What a great day!

Tuesday, April 10, 2007

sunshine and cleaning go hand-in-hand

I woke from some terrific, dream-filled sleep. My cold is subsiding, which is a Godsend, but I still don't feel 100 percent. I am accomplishing much of the stuff that I wasn't able to do yesterday. I still need to bring the table up from the basement and take the exercise bike down, but many of the other items on my list from yesterday are done. I am going to gather all of my donation items today and tomorrow and drop them off this week. I am tired of living in a home with clutter.

I really want to entertain company soon. I was thinking of hosting a Memorial Day barbecue, but my buddy Eric beat me to the punch and is hosting a cocktail party. Jeremy and I will probably head over to Grand Rapids for that. I haven't seen Eric in a very long time - I wasn't able to make it to his wedding a couple of years ago. Eric and I were pretty close during my college years. We formed a writing group that was extremely helpful in my development as a writer. I still send off my manuscripts to him.

Perhaps I will come up with some other excuse to have people over. Then again, do I really need an excuse? I just need to get my place in order for people to visit. Life just keeps getting in the way. Not today, though. The only responsibility I have is to show up at rehearsal at Jeff's tonight at 7:30. Perhaps Jeremy and I will find a new runner (rug) for our hallway. We can go and pick out shelves for the living room.

Jeremy seems to have settled down. His company is dicking him around again. First, he was told he would upgrade to captain. That disappeared. Then he was supposed to be enrolled in the next class for jet training. He just learned that that is not a possibility. The chief pilot has been dangling carrots in front of almost everyone to motivate them. Now, Jeremy is spending his time sending out resumes to other companies in the area. He has an interview lined up with one that will make life so much better financially. On the flip side, he will be gone seven days at a time. I actually think this would work best for us. I am extremely independent, and I wouldn't be stressed with having to take care of him daily. This arrangement wouldn't work, though, if we decide to have children.

Monday, April 09, 2007

At wit's end...

I have an awful cold, and Jeremy is being a dick. I think he believes he is being helpful by sitting on his ass and not bothering me, but there is so much that needs to be done here. After three hours now of asking him to go to the store for me (he felt compelled to first email his buddies, talk on the phone, watch TV, and sit around), he is going. And what am I doing? I just folded HIS laundry and straightened a portion of the basement.

I am miserable. I wish he'd just leave for the day. Unfortunately, though, his company canceled his overnight trip tonight. I just need to be left alone.

Today, I still need to:

clean the kitchen
move the table from the basement into the kitchen
wash dishes
wash clothes
revamp my teaching portfolio
vacuum
clean my bedroom
clean the bathroom
clean the spare room
practice for my upcoming concert
grade student work
create lesson plans for the rest of the year
decide on a novel to teach
email or call Ryan
email or call Mike
move the exercise bike to the basement
arrange the basement so that it is more living space
dust furniture and electronics

AND I CAN'T EXPECT JEREMY TO HELP WITHOUT A FIGHT.


Why is he treating me like his mother?
I am considering moving into the spare room. My bed is already set up.

I am so sick of this shit. He acts great for a while, and then, when I need him to support me, he turns into an ass hole. I take care of him when he is ill, but for some reason, I don't get the same treatment.

Lately...
He's lazy.
He can't stay off the phone - perhaps I will cancel his service. After all, I am the one who pays the phone bill.
He's short-tempered.
He's selfish.
He's reluctant to help me with anything.

The main problem is that I love him too much. I probably let this happen.

He just left for the store - we'll see if he brings me what I asked for...

Wednesday, April 04, 2007

Registered

I was finally able to register for my spring classes. I also took the last seats available in two of the classes I want to take in the fall semester. I could have my MA by the end of summer '08! The best part - it is NOT one of those lame-ass excuses for an MA that many teachers are "buying." It is from an actual university that requires attendance and reading and homework and lecture. I know that I could have easily completed the garbage degrees just to make more money, but I really do take pride in my education. I like having a challenge. I like knowing that the paper is truly worth something. I just couldn't justify spending money on something that would not lead to the next step - earning my Ph.D., which is still several years away. I am planning to take on the combined English and Education doctoral program at U of M.

Well, back to the present here...

Tomorrow is my last day until April 16th. I really do enjoy having vacations sprinkled throughout my career. I have much to do in very little time.

1. plan the remainder of the school year (with a condensed version for my graduating seniors)
2. clean my apartment (I have a temporary plan for my living room - I can't afford new furniture with tuition payments in the works)
3. unpack everything that has been sitting in the basement
4. attend rehearsal for percussion and band
5. attend a two-day conference at MSU
6. get all of my paperwork, ID, parking permit at EMU
7. meet with my advisor and see what I can complete as independent study over the summer, seeing as there are no course offerings that I need, and I can't really see how taking the summer off would be beneficial in the long run
8. garden
9. take my bike for a tune-up
10. meet with Ryan and help him with interview questions and help him put together a teaching portfolio
11. scope out wedding sites

I really want to hang out with friends next week. Who's free? I think I will have most evening open.

Monday, April 02, 2007

There is...

... a lot to think about.


Are we finally at peace with whatever demons used to lurk in the eaves?

Do you remember anything?

Do I want to know what you are thinking?

Do you want to know what you are thinking?

Do you want to know what I am thinking?

Did time stand still long enough for us to catch up?

Do some of you truly believe I hate you? I only deleted you from my phone, my friend list, and my email - not from my life. I've tried to bridge the gap. We need distance and time. Call when you are ready.

Is this an end or a beginning?

Sunday, April 01, 2007

We're all grown up now, huh?

The last seven days of my life have been thought-provoking. I have experienced interesting moments, as well as inspiring moments. Trips down memory lane don't lead where they used to. Angry proposals didn't lead to anything. The soundtrack of my life has, once again, been altered to serve my upcoming performances. The possibility of financial freedom in education comes with a income-seeking burden.

I just wish I had my camera with me. I could show the setting or people affiliated with each of these episodes. Some of the scenes were Dawson-esque.

Perhaps you shared these moments with me. If you were, thank you. You have decorated my life.