So, my best friend and I were joking around on FB about writing the other off. In the middle of the conversation, he unfriended me. He added me back shortly thereafter, and we continued chatting.
I have such fears of abandonment. It's a little strange to be admitting something like that because I dislike many people.
Wednesday, January 18, 2012
Wednesday, January 11, 2012
Can we Pause Right Here?
I'm having an incredible week.
1. I returned to work on Monday. I was so moved with one class's outpouring of emotion over my return to them that I got misty-eyed at work.
The students have been working hard in my class, and my TA is actually pretty cool - she even said she'd be more than happy to help me with grading all the essays. I am pleased with everything related to work right now. It's such a change. The TA even found stuff my last sub said she had thrown inthe trash. It was crammed into file cabinets. It made my day!
2. My love life....well, I still have the boyfriend. I'm feeling like my anger from falltime is melting away, and I can live for us NOW and for us in the future. He is mending my broken heart quite well. I can't wait to see him in a few days!!!
3. Health exams continue to reveal me to be vibrant, healthy, and free of any more complications..... I did gain back some of my 2011 weight loss, but I am actually okay with it because I feel alive. I feel healthy. I considered taking up running again, but I did that a year ago, and I wound up having a stroke three months into the year. I'm not interested in repeated that. I will just focus on other things.
4. My hospital sent me a check. I'm not sure what it's for, but I'll be more than happy to cash it. We can always use a little kick-back, right?
5. I am finally excited to go to therapy after work tomorrow. I want my therapist to see what I'm like when I'm 100% happy.
1. I returned to work on Monday. I was so moved with one class's outpouring of emotion over my return to them that I got misty-eyed at work.
The students have been working hard in my class, and my TA is actually pretty cool - she even said she'd be more than happy to help me with grading all the essays. I am pleased with everything related to work right now. It's such a change. The TA even found stuff my last sub said she had thrown inthe trash. It was crammed into file cabinets. It made my day!
2. My love life....well, I still have the boyfriend. I'm feeling like my anger from falltime is melting away, and I can live for us NOW and for us in the future. He is mending my broken heart quite well. I can't wait to see him in a few days!!!
3. Health exams continue to reveal me to be vibrant, healthy, and free of any more complications..... I did gain back some of my 2011 weight loss, but I am actually okay with it because I feel alive. I feel healthy. I considered taking up running again, but I did that a year ago, and I wound up having a stroke three months into the year. I'm not interested in repeated that. I will just focus on other things.
4. My hospital sent me a check. I'm not sure what it's for, but I'll be more than happy to cash it. We can always use a little kick-back, right?
5. I am finally excited to go to therapy after work tomorrow. I want my therapist to see what I'm like when I'm 100% happy.
Thursday, January 05, 2012
Tuesday, January 03, 2012
Advice
I have a few friends who offer me advice on my life. I am just so bad at it lately.
One told me tonight that I just need to get past it - I experienced some things this year that were completely out of my control, and I need to accept that, process the emotions, and move the fuck on.
It's good advice, and very necessary advice for me to follow. I jsut don't knwo how to do this.
I'm half super thankful for these people telling me what I need to hear....I'm half angry. They don't fuckign understand waht sort of hell I've expereienced in the past year - how some things will NEVER be the same again.
One told me tonight that I just need to get past it - I experienced some things this year that were completely out of my control, and I need to accept that, process the emotions, and move the fuck on.
It's good advice, and very necessary advice for me to follow. I jsut don't knwo how to do this.
I'm half super thankful for these people telling me what I need to hear....I'm half angry. They don't fuckign understand waht sort of hell I've expereienced in the past year - how some things will NEVER be the same again.
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