I found Ass Hole's MySpace page. I had started looking through the links for high schools, as I've been trying to find my friend Donald. I couldn't remember which high school he went to in that particular city, so I started looking through all of them. Needless to say, I became a bit distracted when I happened to see Ass Hole's profile listing. I was actually in the middle of a really nice dialogue with someone in another window on MySpace, which I allowed to taper off.
The discovery changed my mood. I immediately felt that sinking feeling I used to feel sometimes - maybe you've felt something like it. It's like when you see something that startles you and your chest tightens and then you can't breathe in enough oxygen. I used to hyperventilate (Becky was always great during these episodes), but that did get better over time. The sensation moves low in one's belly and makes a little kick toward the spine. Then you feel that uneasiness that comes with moments like car accidents or injuries. For me, it usually is paired up with the a feeling of panic - the escapist searching for that 'flight' possibility.
I did look at his page - morbid curiosity got the best of me - and he now lives in a different state. I've been getting quite comfortable back in the Detroit area, but there was always a part of me that worried a little that I might run into him at some bar or another. Now I can rest assured that the probability of that is rather small.
While I emerged from that situation years ago unscathed - MOSTLY anyway - it still hits me from time to time that danger can lurk behind the facade of friendship. And although I could harbor anger and hatred toward this person, I don't. I can't go to that point and be thrilled that he is married and seems to have a good life, but I honestly don't want to spend my life wishing some other person ill will. I don't know if I've completely forgiven him in my mind - it's all just a bit too hazy, and I choose NOT to part the clouds and examine the issue. That is just how I am wired, but I can move forward with the wonderful things in my life. If I see him somewhere, I can simply tell him to 'walk away' as I had done when we had a class in common my senior year of college.
The situation did yield some interesting lessons. I learned about drunk frat boys/men and my own abilities when backed into a corner. Even when someone shows you evil or violence or whatever, one should at least find solace in the notion that they have witnessed it and can take care of him or herself appropriately. I am pretty sure he learned a thing or two, as well. At least I hope he did.
I wonder if his wife knows his secrets. I know of three women (myself included) who know who and what this man truly is/was...and what he thought he could try to get away with in college. Ass Hole + Massive quantities of alcohol + one caring designated driver/friend = disaster for the DD.
1. Never allow yourself to fall asleep if you are looking after someone who has been drinking.
2. Never watch someone alone - if the other people want to leave, make those people look after said person or come up with a new plan.
3. Take a self-defense course - you'll be glad you did. I am.
4. If something does happen - call the police immediately. Don't try to reason with the person after the fact - they won't remember it clearly anyway, and it will turn into 'He said/she said' scenario.
Even though the sinking feeling has dissipated, I don't think I will look for Donald tonight. I've had my fill of discoveries for the night.
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