I finally sat down with Jeremy and told him that I have many doubts about getting married. We both haven't really taken the planning seriously. He doesn't want to do anything, and I think most of the stuff is bullshit. We talked about how we both need to change, especially when it comes to keeping our home in running order.
I told him that, lately, I've definitely been noticing other men who are my type. Jeremy is exactly my type - broad-shouldered, dark brown/black hair, green eyes, taller than me - if only he didn't have the beer gut. I know that the only reason these other men are enticing is because Jeremy has been disappointing me. I don't like that, all of a sudden, I am thinking about possibilities with new people. He didn't like that, either.
We decided to create a new system for cleaning and storing things (I just made a printout of my usual checklist for cleaning, etc.). I used to have him trained. Yes, I said it - trained! That is what women do. It was when he lived in the townhouse with all of those guys (after he moved back to Michigan while I was still teaching in Florida) that every chore he was accustomed to doing was no longer an expectation. In addition, we have decided on preliminary dates (we have to check with our first, second, and third choice locations for the reception and ceremony). We looked at tuxedos. I think I have narrowed down the style of dress I want. Now, we just need to figure out who will officiate the ceremony, flowers, bridal party, etc.
I think I am finally finding some excitement in all of this.
5 comments:
I'm happy for you! :-)
Wow. That was/is an honest post. It is good that you can be so honest with him too.
I had written a long response to this. Congratulating you, and yet mentioning some concerns.
Then I realized I am just an @$$hole who brings people down in there moments of excitement.
It pains me to see so many marriages fall apart. I have observed and meditated on many of my friends failed marriages. Being that I also was in a failed marriage I now tend to spew forth what seems like anti-marriage rhetoric, when in actuality I am just trying to help people avoid becoming part of the 66% divorce rate. And to avoid the pain that comes with it.
I have no idea why I care so much. To me, it is careing, to others, I am just an @SShole.
So, I deleted what I had originally wrote here.
And with complete honesty, I say again, CONGRATULATIONS on your progress. Complete Honestly is probably the most important thing any marriage or relationship can have.
:)
Thanks for your thoughts.
James, I don't consider your concerns to be anything more than concerns. I haven't painted you as a complete cynic, so I know what you have to say is all to help me.
I really think that open and honest communication will make this better. We've been drifting, mainly because Jeremy has been working more and I have been spending so much time outside of work with colleagues and friends. Jeremy hasn't been the focal point lately. He needs to be my focal point; after all, we are planning to spend the rest of our lives together!
Hey Lish,
I know I don't comment much. This may actually be my first time. Just some observations. If your looking, there are reasons for that, and it may be something you need to explore. The "excitement" of planning a wedding could trump any real problems that may be under the surface. Not to sound like a total dick, but given your concerns I would be worried about a failed marriage if you got married really soon. Also, guys can never be "trained". We are who we are. Females like to think they can change a guy, but you can't. Hit me up on myspace soemtime.
Perhaps 'trained' in the wrong word. Maybe 'routined' would be better.
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