I have stopped writing in a physical journal altogether. I write online every couple of days, and although I love the whole act of scribbling on paper, I find that not immediately logging every thought, feeling, and experience is helping me to live in the moment. Jeremy says I often dwell on things too much. I think that is the nature of being a woman - we are just wired that way. Mike tells me that I analyze things so much that it takes the life out of the moments (which is right, because he does the same thing - we are very much alike that way - I can't tell you how many times he's called me during his dates with women asking for advice or needed to have me mull over his issues with his girlfriends).
The issue is that I want to write in a journal again, but I find that writing at night just causes me to wake up and I become inspired to write poetry and fiction (playwriting has fallen by the wayside lately). I don't know how to wake up and write because I have to leave for work so early in the morning. Also, whenever I go online and blog here or on MySpace, I am distracted by surveys to kill to time and I find myself writing things based on some of the questions posed.
Overall, life is really good right now. Even though Jeremy and I are holding off on wedding plans, we are discussing our life together. We are weighing different options with housing and careers. I am finally starting to look at the big picture that so many people talk about. I've always been a bit nit-picky, and I will certainly continue to be that person on some level, but I realize that most things that irritate me are MY problem and need to be fixed from within.
I feel happy in my teaching, even though the school leaves a little something to be desired. I know that I am making a difference and my kids are wonderful! Word to the wise: if you want to teach a foreign language, go for German. Only the best of the best tend to take German. I rarely have disciplinary issues, and when I do, they are limited to students being frustrated with the content and not knowing how to deal with that frustration. It is rarely, if ever, directed at me, but they might say a cuss word here or there. It truly is a wonderful thing to teach these kids.
My health hasn't been the greatest these last few months. I was quite ill for about two months (and I neglected to visit a doctor for assistance), and then I was hit with a large kidney stone, which has yet to pass and will most likely result in a stint or surgery within the next two weeks. The universe is telling me that I need to spend more time focusing on my health. I often focus entirely on my relationships or my career. This time, it does need to be about me. I went to Lifetime Fitness today. I pushed myself a little too hard and nearly passed out while running on the treadmill. The people at Lifetime are so nice and they came to check on me immediately. I felt like I wasn't being nice enough to them while everything was turning fuzzy and then black. Perhaps I will send a thank you note to them tomorrow.
I worked on my garden again this weekend, which really makes me feel great. I can't wait to get a house with some property (or, at least, a decently-sized yard). I am considering participating in the flowerbed contest in my complex. I could get $100 - $300 off August's rent, if I were to win.
I am taking care of so many things right now regarding retirement finances, grad school (program change), end-of-the-school-year responsibilities, doctor appointments, and so on, but I don't feel stressed. My senior English class will be gone after Wednesday, which means I have more time to grade things for my German classes during the day (when I am not subbing for other teachers - we have a shortage of subs right now). I feel this weird sense of peace. I need to start finalizing my travel plans for the summer (we are going to try to get to Germany, Austria, Switzerland, Alaska, England, and some places closer to home, including Traverse City, Battle Creek/Kalamazoo, and the U.P.). The only way we can afford this is through Jeremy's flight benefits - we are not well-off, by any means! I am applying to the government for loan forgiveness because I am public school teacher - they have changed the criteria over the years, but I do teach a foreign language, and that should help my chances.
I've been working on a few songs of my own on the ukulele. The lyrics need work, but it's nothing I can't handle. Now, I just need to build the confidence to sing in front of others. I should call Mike's voice instructor in Milford.
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