Fall

I refuse to keep trying to pursue the different men in my life. I'm done.

I may still take the phone calls, but I am not opening myself up to further heartache and misunderstandings. I may still choose to hang out with these people, but I am really bothered by the fact that they appear to believe that women should pursue men and that they have no responsibility in this.

If someone wants to establish a connection with me that takes place outside of the bedroom or late night drinking binges or beyond having me pay for absolutely everything (and having me drive all the miles to get together), then perhaps I will consider being a part of that. Until then, I am going to focus on my responsibilities for work and all the fun stuff.

This fall:

I am teaching English 9 - Credit Recovery, English (Honors) 9, English 11, and German 1. It's going to be stressful, but I am going to think about it as though it's a challenge that will showcase my talent as an educator.

I am still going to be a very active participant in band (both as a musician and as a publicist).

I am assisting another community band with a performance this month, so I have extra rehearsal nights.

The ukulele group meets once a month, and I have decided that I will make a better effort to supply music and show up regularly.

I am seriously considering a ballroom dance class offered in a nearby town on Wednesday nights (beginning this week). I need the physical activity, and I hope this will bring about a new friend base that will allow me to move on from those people who have made it clear, through words and/or actions that they do not value me. If nothing else, though, I will learn some new moves.

I am going to do more photography when the mood strikes - probably at farmer's markets and all kinds of fall festivals.

I plan to travel more (now that I don't feel so afraid of the world). I want to take road trips with friends. I want to go alone. I want to feel as though I can just decide on a whim to take on a new adventure.

Another friend and I are seriously considering teaching in Europe next year. I have found some useful information, and I think we might be able to do it. I just need to set this in motion now. If I decide to not do it, that is completely my choice; I don't know what the circumstances of my life might be in one year.

I am already writing more, which is the direction I want to go.

I turn 30 in October. I am trying to decide what I want to do so that I can invite friends. By the weekend, I should have a solid idea. I already bought a dress for myself. It feels like the kind of birthday that I need to dress up. If no one can come, I suppose that's fine. I will just go to my favorite place in Ann Arbor and soak in the evening. I do think that M will come. This would be a good chance for him to meet new people since he doesn't know a lot of people here. Maybe Mike A., although he did mention he'd be out of town the following day. Maybe some other friends need a nice night out.

I will go to a cider mill this year, probably the Franklin Cider Mill. It was a childhood tradition that returned a few years ago when a family friend came back to Michigan to visit. He could not have been happier to go there. I have continued to go there, partly because it's nice to keep such traditions alive and partly because I feel like I can reconnect with the child I used to be.