One Week

One week to go before I turn thirty. A few people have asked me if I am excited or sad. Mostly, I feel indifferent. I had thought that I would plan some big party or night out to celebrate, but it really doesn't seem necessary at this point. I don't really care, and I know others don't really care, either.

J called to ask what my plans are. I told him I had planned to hang out with friends. He wanted me to cancel my plans and spend my birthday with him. He thought I was choosing one person, in particular, over him because of past events. I explained that I know he isn't too fond of many of my friends because they are people who are truly comfortable with themselves - something he is not - and my old group of friends is a unique band of misfits who march to the beat of a very different drummer. Part of me wanted to give in and spend my birthday with J, but another part wanted to be regarded as independent and acting on my own accord.

At this point, I could go out with people or just sit alone at home. I honestly don't care. "C" asked when my birthday is, and I told him he should look at my profile and show some interest. He commented, playfully - but not completely playfully, that he'd already lost interest by the time I finished that statement. It's an awful thing to say to someone you have been seeing. Perhaps I should just stop interacting with him altogether. It might just boost my self esteem.