Love and Hate

 Love and hate do not live at opposite ends of the emotional spectrum. 

If I have felt love, friendship, and compassion for someone at any point in my life, it still lives there, even in a muted, non-active form. 

I live with regret - regret about things I've done, people I've hurt, expectations I failed ot live up to, goals I have abandoned, and mostly the things I haven't done. 

Others tell me that they regret none of their past, and really, they should. Their lack of regret shows me that they are callous and calculating - possibly sociopathic - and obviously never cared about or loved me if they could do the horrible things they have done that hurt me emotionally and physically. 

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A Little More

Ed Sheeran, ©2025

You think I was born to ruin your life
But you did most of that before I arrived
Some things are broken when you open a box
Stop this, you've gone too far, enough is enough

I wish I didn't care this much, but I do
No one knows the half of it, what you put me through
And I, I sometimes wonder, do you live with regret?
Wish I could say, "I wish you the best", 'cause


I used to love you
Now every day I hate you just a little more
Life got better when I lost you
But every day I hate you just a little more and more and more
Blame it on your history
And say it's not your fault
I can't call you crazy
'Cause you could be diagnosed
Oh, I used to love you
But every day I hate you just a little more and more and more


I wish that you would look in the mirror 'cause, if you did
You'd see the problem is you 'cause you're a prick
I know that I'm your scapegoat whenever the rain falls
Whenever you slip or when you're in a dip
I was there to lean on when I was a kid
But, now that I'm an adult, I see it for what it is
I have to lock the door now, fuck building a bridge
Take all your apologies and put 'em in a bin
For your dad's sake, please move out your dad's place
Stop bringing drama there with your mates
Your sister's got enough to manage on her plate
To worry 'bout you controlling your rage

And, one day, we'll all be dead
But, between now and then
I never want to see you again

I used to love you
Now every day I hate you just a little more
Life got better when I lost you
But every day I hate you just a little more and more and more
Blame it on your history
And say it's not your fault
I can't call you crazy
'Cause you could be diagnosed
Oh, I used to love you
But every day I hate you just a little more and more and more


I wish I didn't care this much, but I do
No one knows the half of it, what you put me through
And I, I sometimes wonder, do you live with regret?
Wish I could say, "I wish you the best", but I don't


I used to love you
Now every day I hate you just a little more
Life got better when I lost you
But every day I hate you just a little more and more and more
Blame it on your history
And say it's not your fault
I can't call you crazy
'Cause you could be diagnosed
Oh, I used to love you
But every day I hate you just a little more and more and more

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I don't throw anyone away; I know how much that hurts, and I don't wish that on anyone I have ever cared about. 

I've always been "too sensitive" or "too emotional" because I care so much, and while I do see that this is part of what is eating me alive, I have no sustainable method to stop it. 

Every time that people call ME the problem (or imply it) when they were the ones who acted impulsively, immorally, callously, or even violently, it makes me hate them just a little more each day alongside the love that will always be there. 

Maybe someday I'll be indifferent to you. Unfortunately, today is not that day.