Emotions

I've been sitting here most of the night crying. I haven't done this in a while, and it feels absolutely terrible.

Failure is the only word that really sums up my view of myself. I still cannot find a job. I started collecting unemployment, which makes me feel like everything I never wanted to be. I thought I could wait out the summer and find work. I didn't want to collect. I didn't want to be a burden on society.

The anger in me doesn't know where to go. I'm angry at my district for their foolish mismanagement of funds. I'm angry at my school for not having their shit together to know how many teachers they'd need (didn't the kids register for classes in March? I remember them using my class period to register!). I'm angry at myself for taking the job at this school in 2006. I'm even more angry at all of the principals I have met with who have decided on other candidates with less experience (it all comes down to money, doesn't it? Who cares about employing someone who has been teaching for seven years and has been nominated for various teaching awards?).

I'm living in the money pit. My dad has been wonderful helping out here, but my uncle is still stupid when it comes to actually maintaining this place. He doesn't seem to think he is required to provide me with working plumbing, working air and heat, windows that close and latch, etc. I'm trying to be patient, but come on! He knew many months ago that I would be moving in, but did he fix things? No. He waited until I moved in and complained that I didn't have a working sink and hot water and A/C when the thermostat read high numbers. Hell, the electrical wasn't working and he had to have a new breaker box installed. The worst part is that my uncle just allows my dad and I to pay for these things as we fix them. I don't understand how he cannot know that these things are his responsibility.

Leaving really isn't a realistic option, either.