I feel as if I can't seem to maintain myself this week. I just finished my grad work for the summer, and I should be pleased with myself. Instead, I feel depressed.
It's almost like I was dragging things out just so that I would have something I was striving for. I lost that today when I completed the last assignment. My students wouldn't understand this sensation at all. Just like those who don't understand the joy in difficulty - the joy in challenge. I usually hear about how others are irritated about college expectations vary so significantly from high school. Education at a higher level is more independent and the answers / styles are so much more subjective.
Nothing is simple, and I should be proud of myself for finishing my work. Instead, I feel hollow. It must be that I haven't had a lot to live for these last several months. There were no students waiting for my cue, no people who truly needed me in any way (although there might be a couple out there who have convinced themselves that I am somehow necessary for their existences), no purposes beyond academics. I still have no job. I am trying everything. I've been told by several places that I am overqualified and they didn't want to hire me based on the fact that I might leave for a teaching job.
I need to be doing something productive. I can't seem to get out of this funk.
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