Tired

I feel lonely. Looking back over the past two years, my life has really unraveled. Maureen, Melissa, and I are closer now, but the men whom I have been closest to this year and last are nowhere near where they were before.

I really destroyed a deep trust with one. Another doesn't talk to me anymore, which is both good and bad. Another was just left hurt and alone.

I'm still a mess. I'm trying to tread water, and most of the time, it works. I spend a lot of time crying, which I understand is part of the process, but I hate allowing myself the time to act in such a defeatist and childish way.

I just want everything to return to the way it was a long time ago, but I know that that is not possible. Knowing this, however, does not stop the longing.


My job search is still yielding nothing. I am tired of hearing great responses from those who interview me. I am tired of hearing how great I am and how much they know I will bring to the position. I am tired of all of the accolades for what I've accomplished leading to no job.