I am struggling with the intense pain of recovery. My pain medication doesn't really do anything at this point, and part of me is wondering why I bother to take it at all.
It's Easter, and I feel miserable. There is a part of me almmost wishing for my body to give out.
I don't wish to die. I know there are many ways I could kill myself, but I won't do that.
I jusst really need relief from this. It's unrelenting. It feels like I've somehow been caught in a vice.
I keep wondering what I did to deserve this, and then it hits me that no one deserves stuff like this. It just happens.
I have no idea when I will feeel like myself again. It could be a month. It could be a year. It could be never. Having absolutely no control over any of it makes me feel weak and useless.
Crying about it and feeling sorry for myself don't help, either. I need a new plan.
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