Friends and Enemies

Last night I hung out with someone I dated before. It was supposed to be a short visit - an hour or so. I ended up staying for about six hours. We discussed the elephant in the room - something that we'd attempted to discuss before. This time, we really heard each other, and we reached a new level of understanding that makes me hopeful for friendship, at the very least, and possibly more, if it can all be new.

We ordered pizza and ate in the living room while watching episodes of Wilfred.

Our discussion circled the show, then wove into the fabric of our experiences together in the past. I felt like I belonged there. I was meant to be there.

I don't know how this will lead the story to unfold, but I can only see good things coming from our interaction. I want those good things. The phase of questions has moved from the WHYs to the HOWs....as in how do I get what is so clearly right when the clearly wrong stuff has already happened? Where do I go from here?


So, I drove back from Canada and visited the boyfriend on my way back home. He hurt me more than I can really explain at the moment. That's all I can really say about it right now. Why do people instantly turn from friend to foe?

Life is about to get more complicated again, and I don't know if I can deal with it. I am trying to be pragmatic, but I'm shaken. I'm kind of broken right now, and I met two new people who are walking me through some stuff. 

I know writing about it could help, but I have been told to hold off on publicizing things on that front while certain people complete their work. I just feel rage. I feel like I want to escape. I really wish I had some of my (old/former) friends right now. 

I know the person I visited wants more than friendship, and I am aware that I'm not okay right now. The heart wants what it wants...when it wants it. There is no logic and reasoning with it, and I'm a mess. 

I am weighing this option.