Where is he!?!

So, the last month or so has been really stressful. I have focused primarily on work, simply because there is just so much to do. I also find my stress relief at work. I see R almost every day. Our playful dynamic is wonderful, but it is probably headed nowhere.

I told him yesterday that I like him. I was feeling bold, and we were talking like we usually do. He didn't share any reciprocal feelings or really comment on it at all. Instead, we just continued with the flirting and discussion. I was fine with this. I really hadn't told him to get him to admit the same feelings (although I wouldn't have complained if he had done that). It was more about liberating myself and putting myself back out into the world of the living.

We hung out a lot after I had told him what I was feeling. I don't know why I allowed it. It seems stupid for me to put myself out there and not have the other person really do anything. As we continued our discussion, he moved closer in the room (I can chart the weeks through discussion topics and physical proximity). Before he left, we discussed our desire to leave the U.S. to find some other place to live where the general population isn't so lazy, whiny, and egotistical. When I mentioned my (now-changing) plans to move to Germany for at least a year, he said he might just come with me. How am I supposed to take that when he couldn't even respond with anything after I exposed my feelings? How can I not hope?

He is communicative, but he seems somewhat closed off emotionally at times (at least when we discuss relationship-typed stuff). I've commented on this aspect of his personality, and he asks me how I can know so much about him...about the multitudes of things we don't discuss when we discuss so much. Why do I keep finding such damaged men? Why can't I seem to get anything going with them? Duh...because they're damaged.

He doesn't seem to want to stop our banter, our playful dynamic, or our daily routine of 1-2 hours of discussion, sharing, and joking. Eric thinks that R is probably not a closer. I somewhat agree. If he were truly interested, he would have set up something when I shared my crush, right?


I feel like quoting Charlotte(?) from Sex and the City (I've never really watched the show...I just heard this in a preview on TV): I've been dating since I was 15. I'm exhausted. Where is he!?!