The workday progressed without incident. I was eager to leave, although I knew I'd be sitting at home - waiting for Mike to call. I had almost given up on the possibility of hanging out in Ann Arbor when I heard my phone sing its little tune.
Mike and I met for dinner at B.D.'s and then perused some used CDs at some little shop that Mike and I never seem to reach before closing time. After Mike made his ever-growing purchase, we visited a small coffee shop and graded papers. I worked on my essay, which hasn't really amounted to much, but it has a solid start. I need to sit down and create a detailed outline (as formulaic as that is).
I was doing some deconstruction of the text when Mike handed me a paper - one of his students had shared his inner torment, and I sort of brushed it aside. The whole exercise seemed artificial, as my mind was wrapped around the theories of deconstruction. I instantly felt sick to my stomach that I had not really taken it seriously. I am worried that Mike thinks I am insensitive. I would not have treated my own students' writing that way, and I regret my reaction.
Jeremy called to tell me he loves me and misses me. It's nice to know that even though he is several states away, he does think about me periodically throughout the day. That sounds so much like a textbook. Ugh.
I am waiting to hear from Noah to learn if he will meet me in Ann Arbor this weekend. While I understand Jeremy does not like Noah, I have never asked him to not hang out with any of his friends - even the ones I dislike (both male and female). All I ask is that he not bring them to my home, which he doesn't. I understand that he doesn't like or trust Noah. He is not afraid that Noah will force himself on me or anything - he is simply afraid that Noah might flirt with me or try to kiss me. Noah has been a pretty decent friend over the years. Jeremy should feel confident that I will not let anything inappropriate happen. Jeremy and I even discussed hanging out with our different groups of friends this weekend and meeting up at the end of the night. He seemed to embrace that idea a bit more.
3 comments:
Lish I am not usually a bold person but after weeks, months of reading your posts, it doesn't really seem like you want to marry Jeremy. I don't doubt you love him but from your posts it justs seems that you two have issues that you both need to sit down and discuss, honestly and accept what each other says with out getting defensive or hurt. In the long run it would be better than getting married and realizing your another statistic. Love ya hun!
Thank you for being candid. This is probably the only venue where people are honest, which is a strange notion considering so many people lie on the internet.
I am just tired of being treated like a maid, and I am completely afraid of falling into an existence that would set back the women's movement.
I would not feel fulfilled if my entire world was serving my husband. Jeremy is not a domineering guy in any way, but I often misread his laziness as disrespect toward me. I also think that I am being taken for granted - I am working full time (and bring a lot of things home to grade), going to grad school, trying to plan a wedding (Jeremy is not really into following through with making calls, etc.), trying to buy a house, keeping my cats alive and healthy, keeping up my home, trying to be a good sister and daughter,
and trying to lose a lot of weight (I've only dropped 17 pounds so far).
I expect Jeremy to anticipate things the way I do, which I know is my problem. I never express it appropriately, though.
I haven't been very happy with anything in the past few months. I feel depressed and alone, and I think Jeremy gets more than his fair share of my anger and resentment than he probably deserves. I just feel like he asked me to marry him so that I wouldn't move on with someone else. He doesn't seem to want to set a date or anything, and it makes me feel humiliated - I've been with him since 2000 and he hasn't done everything in his power to marry me.
I can understand taking the laziness as disrespect, I feel that way sometimes too. Usually because I work and Chuck doesn't and when I come home and have a few says off I feel that things are left for me to do that could have been done not by me. But I think this is normal, its the stress built up and you seem to have a lot of that on your plate. This guy I work with him and his girlfriend have been together 15 years, and are not even thinking about getting married. Some people I guess never get married. Maybe he just doesn't feel the need to get married. Me and Chuck didn't feel any different once we got married. I don't think we would have ever gotten married if it wasn't a necessity for health insurance. I am sure we would still be together and nothing would be different. I mean its not like getting married made us love each other more. Its just a piece of paper for the state. And a party and reason to drink!
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