Restless

I can't sleep. I haven't really tried to sleep, but I think it will be difficult. I slept for an hour or two in my living, both on the floor and on the couch, as well as a little on both at the same time.

My mind is racing, as it usually does at this hour. I need to set a wedding date already. I don't understand why I am making such a big deal about this. I need to get back on the fitness thing. I've just been so sleepy lately with reduced sunlight. I never experienced such a strong shift before. It's so strange. Perhaps I should get one of those light boxes. I need to get my place organized, but I like cleaning in the middle of the night. Neighbors don't like to hear vacuum cleaners then. I should be writing the stories and songs that are always on my mind. I need to get a few household items to organize my home better. I need to do laundry. I am praying for a snow day, but I don't really need one. I just want to sleep in on a school day, but I refuse to call in sick or take a personal day. I have a concert this weekend (tickets are $12.00 each, which I find to be way too expensive!). I don't know if I will be going to my ukulele meeting this month. I have no reason not to...I just think I will veg out too much, and I will become lazy. I have a lot of copies to make tomorrow morning, so I had better get to school early. My students are lazy, so they probably won't do the work, anyway. I have an exam to finish formatting. I feel like leaving my profession in search of something different (preferably a field that doesn't focus on kids), even though I like what I do for a living. I should move somewhere else in the world. Jeremy no longer wants to move to Germany. I was working on getting my stuff together, but he now wants to stay here. He needs to stop doing this. I started thinking that maybe I should have taken either the English job in Palm Springs or the German job in Anchorage last year. Then I figure that I've already moved away to establish myself in the adult world. I came home. That should be fine, right? I miss certain friends, but the sentiment is fading. I have so much more me time, which probably makes me sound self-important. I keep thinking about words I've never used before. I don't know how I would go about incorporating these words (like 'pugnacious') into everyday conversation without sounding condescending. Then I worry that my (over)use of those sparsely-used words might make me come across as trite. Suggestions?

I sound crazy tonight. I think I might try to get some sleep, even though I am not tired. If sleep doesn't come knocking at my door, I suppose I can just stare at the wall or ceiling. I joked earlier that I should have made a pot of coffee to knock my ass out. I am starting to think that that would be a great idea (caffeine does make me extremely tired). I really should get a doctor's opinion on that situation.