CLEAR THINKING

I am using my evenings this week to examine a few things, and I've come to some conclusions.

1. I want to have my own children. I don't want to adopt. I don't want to miss out on the experience of raising a family that is my own flesh and blood.

2. I want to feel that I have a respectable career - and I want to feel that whomever I end up with is proud of me for my career. Additionally, I would like to be employed within the school district I could later retire from within the next two years.

3. I want to travel the world. I want to be a part of the the global community, not just the American community.

4. I want to finish my master's degree by this time next year.

5. I want to pursue my doctorate within the next four years.

6. I would like to buy a house within the next four years.

7. I want someone who will make me smile every day.

8. I want someone who will not feel that he needs to compete with me for who had the more stressful or important day.

9. I want someone who will make me laugh.

10. I need someone who will take care of his own responsibilities. I have no issue with sharing responsibilities, but I refuse to take care of someone else if he won't take care of me.

11. I want someone who is capable of communicating his feelings and will not push me away or ignore me when I have feelings I need to communicate.

12. I want to be with someone with whom I can "lose" myself.

13. Whomever I have the privilege of being with needs to love animals, particularly my animals.

14. I need to be with someone with whom there is undeniable attraction and chemistry.

15. I need to be with someone who continuously seeks to improve himself through life experiences and academics.

16. I deserve to be treated like a queen sometimes, just as I would hope to treat someone like he is a king at times.

17. I will continue performing in the band, as well as the percussion ensemble.

18. I will continue meeting other ukulele players, and we will hopefully set up some local performances.

19. Eventually, I want a piano again - the keyboard just isn't the same.

20. I want to be with someone who will see me as a riddle and spend the rest of his life trying to figure me out.

21. I refuse to follow anyone again without both of us agreeing to go somewhere else based on mutual desire to go.

22. I need to spend more time reading to better acquaint myself with the human experiences that I have missed while I've been avoiding the world.

23. I need to write a lot more.

24. I want to be with someone who is comfortable strutting / dancing with me in the grocery store.

25. I want to feel loved more than anything else in the world.

26. I need to take much better care of myself than I do. I can't believe how out of control my behavior, emotions, and health were before visiting the doctor.

27. I truly miss someone more than anyone could ever imagine me missing anyone or anything. It feels like part of my soul is missing.

28. I need time to process all of this.