"You have a very nice vein."

I've been visiting doctors since I found out I have a vitamin deficiency. I am worried that I may have more problems, simply because the deficiency was quite severe. I visited one today and a technician had to draw blood for several tests.

I should probably share that I am afraid of needles. That doesn't quite convey the fear. I would say it is definitely belonephobia (needle-phobia). I can't think of needles without starting to hyperventilate. I often start shaking and my arms sort of roll up into my chest. I have fought doctors and nurses who have attempted to extract blood, as well as those who have tried to insert IVs so that I can feel relief from excessive pain (kidney stones), although I would have to say that I have become better equipped to "deal" with the problem. I have asked to be held down before so that I cannot fight. Jeremy has also been helpful (he tries to distracting me) in the past.

So, today while sitting in the room waiting for the inevitable experience, the technician made small talk. She was a very nice woman. She asked me to straighten my arm and rest it on the little arm rest of the specially-designed chair. I did. I looked away. I can't handle seeing any of the darn pointy things that will be used. She was quiet for a moment and then said, "You have a very nice vein. I think I will use that one."

I had to laugh, well, as much as I could with the impending blood extraction looming before me. I have never before been told I have a nice vein, so it struck me. I relaxed a little. She cleaned the area and then tied the rubber thing around my upper arm (I don't know what it looked like or anything - I just kept looking away.) She told me that I might feel a little pinch.

I felt the needle touch my skin, but there wasn't the pain I have felt during all other times. Before I knew it, the experience was over, and vial of my blood was resting on the little tray. I was so appreciative of the care that she took, given my overwhelming fear (my palms were sweaty and I was starting to hyperventilate). I felt compelled to compliment her ability to do that without causing pain. She said that that made her day.


This week is strange - I had a great week of teaching, found out I am losing my job at the end of the year, received a present from Jeremy's trip to Germany, calmed Jeremy down after he found someone dented and scratched his brand new vehicle, walked around at Newburgh Pointe and listened a variety of musicians camped out by the water (hmm...maybe it's time to break out the ukulele there), went to the doctor, "handled" getting my blood drawn, cried in public, and was complimented about the nice, big, blue vein in my right arm.

I am feeling angry, though, at the world. I am anti-social. I am afraid of taking out my frustrations on the wrong people. I am avoiding everything, except my health, because I don't know how to deal with my life right now.