Meaningless Fornication

Some people offer bad advice. When I don't take it, they give it to me again as if I am not following it because I didn't hear it.

One of my friends suggested, when I was upset tonight, that I throw my morals and values out the window and start bedding down with different guys. What kind of advice is that for someone who truly believes in the connection that two people can share on an emotional and physical level? Why would someone suggest that meaningless fornication would make me feel better emotionally?

I have had this conversation a number of times with this individual. Part of me wants to cut him off from my friendship because he still does not respect some of the most basic elements of my personality and beliefs. Another part thinks that we need these individuals to challenge us in our lives to help us stand firm and develop a stronger sense of self.

I think men find sex to be liberating, whereas women find it to be the opposite (generally speaking). I felt shame in showing interest in it, and when someone I believed to be a friend try to force himself on me in college, it took that shame to a heightened level. As I came to terms with what happened and dealt with some trust issues, I began to revere what I was able to preserve through self-defense. It was not something I felt should be given to troops of men. It was something I had saved. It was something that should not be thrown around to any takers who might be present. Granted, this friend didn't know how messed up I was back then. This person didn't see the emotional toll it all had on me and what I learned about myself. I try to explain, but my speech falls on deaf ears.

I want to make him realize that his suggestion feels like an attack, but he misses my point every time. His advice drudges up emotions. The notion that I should let people not build a strong relationship and sense of trust in a committed and loving relationship and just use me for sex or that I should use others in this way absolutely sickens me. Such predatory actions such as these will not heal my broken heart (for which I am responsible) nor will they help to heal the re-emerging pain of the past.