I still see J from time to time. As he gets his weight and life under control again, I see more and more of the person he used to be. He speaks to me the way he used to. He works toward goals he seemed to have forgotten. He makes jokes and lives life to the fullest. I was hoping he'd make a return visit a long time ago, but life and circumstances get in the way. Who knows what I am supposed to do with the knowledge of his return!?!
A is getting set for some new directions in his life, which means change. He quit smoking in the spring/early summer. He's doing great with that. He seems to have adjusted without any major issue, which seems absolutely crazy because he's been a smoker for over fifteen years. He's attending college for the first time this fall, which I think scares and excites him. We hang out from time to time, but it's always stilted and tense until we are alone. We fight the attraction for a while, and then it's there, overpowering both of us. We kiss and then start a frustrating round of explaining our way out of the situation.
The most recent addition to this mess I created will be referred to as C. He and I haven't seen much of each other this summer. It started out strong. It started out with lots of excitement, but I think he was hoping that I would let sex be an option in a casual dating scenario. I thought he knew me better than that. Or perhaps he though he could be the one to change me. I can't be certain. We've had several rounds of tense arguments, not speaking for several days here and there. This week, he told me he met someone who he wanted to date. I thought he had called things off with me. I was hurt, but it was fine. Then he called me the following night get together. We still aren't being clear with each other. I don't know what to make of this situation that we are both irritated by but won't leave alone. We could go back to being friends. That would be fine, but it doesn't seem to be shifting back the way I thought it would. At this point, C is all you get. It is not in reference to his name, although one of you out there knows all about this C.
An old friend has been asking me a lot about my Saturday nights. Since the spring, he has asked for eight different nights. It didn't dawn on me that this could be a pseudo-romantic thing. I wasn't able to go because of my schedule, but now I just want to avoid the whole thing. I do not see him that way, and although he has not expressed any clear and direct interest in dating, the warning signs are there.
A new friend and I have been getting to know each other. M doesn't have a lot of friends in the area, and I've recently lost a couple of friends, so it's a nice fit. I'm hoping to actually start hanging out with him soon. We've talked to each other as part of a larger group, but it would be nice to not have to yell over performing bands. If, over time, I find that I like him, then great. If I only see him as a friend, then great. I am open to possibility, but mostly, I want friends. I need friends.
S asked me out a month ago, and I turned him down. I haven't spoke with him since that happened. I just want to avoid the situation repeating itself.
N hasn't returned my call from last week. When I turned him down in June, he didn't take it too well. I gave him space, but he we haven't yet talked on the phone. I wanted to give him time to deal with the rejection so that we can be friends again. I just want to talk to my friend.
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