Chipped away

All those pieces of myself that either I or J chipped away (through intentional or unintentional means) are starting to return.

I am writing every day now, even if it is only a short piece here and there. I play the ukulele daily. I think about poetry and storytelling and all the things I want to do to help others embrace what it means to be a creative person.

I am feeling ambitious and driven again. I rarely feel like sitting on the sidelines.

I feel political and have enjoyed a few rallies over the past several months.

I am working on a few home improvement projects that my uncle is still not aware of. That's fine, though, because I am improving this run-down place.

I am communicating my feelings instead of letting them control me and lead me to food.

I have taken it upon myself to visit several doctors. I still have more who I need to see, but I am doing much better.

I am making new friends.

I am moving on from old friends and old irritations.

I am trying to come up with a plan to celebrate my upcoming 30th birthday.

I am learning more about myself and how I deal with men.

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I called C today to let him know that his phone dialed me last night. It happens frequently when his phone is in his pocket. We joke and say either his ass misses me or his pocket called. We had a short conversation while he walked around a store. He seems to understand how my routine will drastically change and how I've been trying to prepare for it. We'll probably return to the 4 a.m. phone calls like I used to receive last year when he was just trying to keep in touch.

I still consider it a little weird to be in a flirtatious situation with him. We didn't always get along. In fact, I was convinced that he hated me when we were younger. High school didn't really create a strong bond between us, either. I suppose it was going our separate ways and reconnecting through a mutual friend that made us realize that we both probably missed out on a good friend in the past. He has turned out to be that, many times over. As far as something more, who knows? Time will tell.

We're not even comfortable telling our mutual friends that something is kind of going on, mainly because we don't want input from others. It feels like sneaking around, but it also feels like something that is specifically ours if we want it. There is one mutual friend who knows, though, but she is one of the most supportive people I have ever known. She listens without judgment. I'm not sure if C is aware that she knows just about everything there is to know on the subject, but I am aware that he has mentioned something to her, as well. If things work out, then I'm certain I will share that. If not, I don't have to deal with people speculating on the whole thing. No one else really needs to know.