Having contracted a cold a couple of weeks ago, I now find myself struggling to pull everything together. I haven't been cleaning my place the way I like to, mostly because I am already struggling to breathe. I've been trying to rest and not overwork myself. Yesterday, I took a break from everything - I didn't worry about homework, I chose not to obsess over making the bed perfectly, I went out to dinner with Melissa (Thanks, Melissa! The margarita was excellent!), and I watched more of The X-Files, Season 3, with Jeremy (when he returned from helping his father dismantle the old office in their house).
The goal yesterday was to enjoy life. The goal today is to complete everything for the week, including massive reading assignments, a plan for an upcoming presentation, a short paper, laundry (I can get that done before 5 PM, I think), clean, clean, clean, watch more X-Files, play music, call a few friends, go for a walk AND ride my exercise bike, and go to bed early (I am still quite sleep deprived).
I should go. The litter box won't clean itself.
Sunday, January 27, 2008
Monday, January 14, 2008
balance
Many of those nagging thoughts/insecurities/curiosities that were really taking over my life seemed to have subsided. I hope this isn't temporary. I rather like feeling like I am in control of my emotions and imagination.
My classes are going well. I especially like my Harry Potter course, although my other course seems to be something I will not hate all that much - it's theory, people...what else can I do but hate it?
School is okay. I still have to type the final draft of the German 1 exam. My English 12 students are all set. I have my grading mostly complete.
Mike V. called today. He had a voice lesson, but he still wanted to meet in Ann Arbor. I suggested we wait until things aren't so hectic (maybe the weekend - or, at least, Thursday). He also thought that was a good idea. Although Mike and I always have a blast in A2, there is simply too much going on right now. He said he should really spend some time with his girlfriend, anyway, considering she is stressed over her upcoming move to Chicago in March. And I have all kinds of homework and schoolwork. It was nice that we talked, though. I love that we are so routined.
Mondays seem to be Talk-to-Mike days. Does anyone else have this sort of thing with their friends?
My classes are going well. I especially like my Harry Potter course, although my other course seems to be something I will not hate all that much - it's theory, people...what else can I do but hate it?
School is okay. I still have to type the final draft of the German 1 exam. My English 12 students are all set. I have my grading mostly complete.
Mike V. called today. He had a voice lesson, but he still wanted to meet in Ann Arbor. I suggested we wait until things aren't so hectic (maybe the weekend - or, at least, Thursday). He also thought that was a good idea. Although Mike and I always have a blast in A2, there is simply too much going on right now. He said he should really spend some time with his girlfriend, anyway, considering she is stressed over her upcoming move to Chicago in March. And I have all kinds of homework and schoolwork. It was nice that we talked, though. I love that we are so routined.
Mondays seem to be Talk-to-Mike days. Does anyone else have this sort of thing with their friends?
Saturday, January 12, 2008
worse
It is worse to feel alone that to truly be alone. I wish Jeremy could finish his training early and come home. Everything feels empty without him.
Friday, January 11, 2008
Sunday, January 06, 2008
A different kind of Mike.
Today (er, yesterday?), Mike K. and Noelle came over for a visit. It was nice to have yet another Mike visit my place. Usually Mike A. comes over. Mike V. has been over once (we typically meet in Ann Arbor). Mike (Autumn's husband) has been here several times. There have been other Mikes, too.
Anyway...we sat and shared our stories. I was surprised that Mike hasn't really changed much. On the phone, he doesn't come across that way. In person, he seems to want to make things almost larger than life. I don't mean that he exaggerates; I mean that events that shaped him in high school have now become a major part of his world view. I suppose I had forgotten how intense his personality can be. It was a nice visit, nonetheless. Noelle was quiet. She and I can usually talk up a storm, but it seemed that she was slinking into the shadow of Mike. I didn't like seeing that. There should always be a balance. I couldn't see it. I hope everything is okay. Noelle says that things are fine, but I worry. She is my fraternity "brother" from college. We used to hang out a bit on campus back in the day. I knew her before her first marriage. I was there when things went sour, and she had to leave him behind. Mike was busy idealizing high school, and I realized that while my behaviors and certain patterns are still there, I don't think the way I used to. I guess I thought everyone changed the way I did. I didn't expect for Mike to tell me that I should go find my Dorothy costume (he told me that when he saw me wearing that costume in 1995, he started to like me). Who says that in front of their spouse!?! Or the woman's fiance!?!
When they left, Jeremy was quiet. I immediately became worried, because Jeremy is a regular Chatty Cathy. He said that he is surprised how normal I am. He has met a number of my friends, and is often surprised that I am the way I am - a little eccentric but relatively mainstream normal (at least in what I display to the world). This is not to say that my friends are freaks or anything - most of them aren't. Some, though, are a bit out there. I do have friends who: opt to cross dress, opt to be Goth, opt to wear costumes, opt to cover themselves with tattoos and piercings, opt to live "alternative lifestyles", opt to be nudists, opt to take drugs (although I usually don't spend a lot of time with those folks), opt to grow thick beards and live in the wilderness, opt to go to Star Trek conventions (and wear Spock ears and pins outside of the events), opt to live "on the road", opt to live in communes, opt to designate days at home where they are only allowed to speak in lines by certain authors and poets (I am intrigued by this!), opt to attend psychic fairs and Renaissance festivals (yes, I used to spend a lot of time with those people), opt to be political activists, and more. I also have what Jeremy would call "normal" friends - people who go to school/college, go to work a standard job, meet friends and barbecue stuff, etc. I think he was just a bit bothered that we had a convicted felon in our home today for several hours. Seeing as Jeremy's bachelor's degree is in criminal justice and political science, I can understand how his perspective on life might not be aligned with our guest's.
It wasn't uncomfortable or anything. Jeremy just didn't expect someone coming over to our home, boasting about all of the people he had beaten up over the years, how he joined a hippie community in the Florida wilderness, how he used to like me when we were teenagers. I think that last part made Jeremy the most uncomfortable. And even more so when he learned that Mike also had a thing with my sister. That was actually one reason I never dated Mike - he kissed my sister. Strange notion. Ah, anyway...I should be hitting the hay. I have three more (10-page) research papers to grade for my seniors tomorrow. I also have to complete lesson plans, typing semester exams, organizing all of my teaching stuff, and starting my grad school work for the week (I am a bit worried about the class that I thought would be the easier of the two).
I think I might ask Mike V. if he wants to get together next weekend. His grandmother passed away, and I think he could use some support. I know his girlfriend is really picking up where I left off - he had been getting his support from me when he was single. She is so good to him, and I am certain she is making sure he feels cared for.
My sleep problems are back already. I noticed a difference in sleep patterns a few days ago. Perhaps I will read a chapter or two of my Harry Potter books.
Good night. Sleep tight. Don't let the bed bugs bite! [BITE, BITE, BITE!]
Anyway...we sat and shared our stories. I was surprised that Mike hasn't really changed much. On the phone, he doesn't come across that way. In person, he seems to want to make things almost larger than life. I don't mean that he exaggerates; I mean that events that shaped him in high school have now become a major part of his world view. I suppose I had forgotten how intense his personality can be. It was a nice visit, nonetheless. Noelle was quiet. She and I can usually talk up a storm, but it seemed that she was slinking into the shadow of Mike. I didn't like seeing that. There should always be a balance. I couldn't see it. I hope everything is okay. Noelle says that things are fine, but I worry. She is my fraternity "brother" from college. We used to hang out a bit on campus back in the day. I knew her before her first marriage. I was there when things went sour, and she had to leave him behind. Mike was busy idealizing high school, and I realized that while my behaviors and certain patterns are still there, I don't think the way I used to. I guess I thought everyone changed the way I did. I didn't expect for Mike to tell me that I should go find my Dorothy costume (he told me that when he saw me wearing that costume in 1995, he started to like me). Who says that in front of their spouse!?! Or the woman's fiance!?!
When they left, Jeremy was quiet. I immediately became worried, because Jeremy is a regular Chatty Cathy. He said that he is surprised how normal I am. He has met a number of my friends, and is often surprised that I am the way I am - a little eccentric but relatively mainstream normal (at least in what I display to the world). This is not to say that my friends are freaks or anything - most of them aren't. Some, though, are a bit out there. I do have friends who: opt to cross dress, opt to be Goth, opt to wear costumes, opt to cover themselves with tattoos and piercings, opt to live "alternative lifestyles", opt to be nudists, opt to take drugs (although I usually don't spend a lot of time with those folks), opt to grow thick beards and live in the wilderness, opt to go to Star Trek conventions (and wear Spock ears and pins outside of the events), opt to live "on the road", opt to live in communes, opt to designate days at home where they are only allowed to speak in lines by certain authors and poets (I am intrigued by this!), opt to attend psychic fairs and Renaissance festivals (yes, I used to spend a lot of time with those people), opt to be political activists, and more. I also have what Jeremy would call "normal" friends - people who go to school/college, go to work a standard job, meet friends and barbecue stuff, etc. I think he was just a bit bothered that we had a convicted felon in our home today for several hours. Seeing as Jeremy's bachelor's degree is in criminal justice and political science, I can understand how his perspective on life might not be aligned with our guest's.
It wasn't uncomfortable or anything. Jeremy just didn't expect someone coming over to our home, boasting about all of the people he had beaten up over the years, how he joined a hippie community in the Florida wilderness, how he used to like me when we were teenagers. I think that last part made Jeremy the most uncomfortable. And even more so when he learned that Mike also had a thing with my sister. That was actually one reason I never dated Mike - he kissed my sister. Strange notion. Ah, anyway...I should be hitting the hay. I have three more (10-page) research papers to grade for my seniors tomorrow. I also have to complete lesson plans, typing semester exams, organizing all of my teaching stuff, and starting my grad school work for the week (I am a bit worried about the class that I thought would be the easier of the two).
I think I might ask Mike V. if he wants to get together next weekend. His grandmother passed away, and I think he could use some support. I know his girlfriend is really picking up where I left off - he had been getting his support from me when he was single. She is so good to him, and I am certain she is making sure he feels cared for.
My sleep problems are back already. I noticed a difference in sleep patterns a few days ago. Perhaps I will read a chapter or two of my Harry Potter books.
Good night. Sleep tight. Don't let the bed bugs bite! [BITE, BITE, BITE!]
Thursday, January 03, 2008
2 January 2008
2 January 2008
Today was uneventful, to say the least. I didn't really do anything special. Mostly, I tried to take care of a few maintenance items, like an oil change and washing dishes, with varying success. I received the Harry Potter series (Books 1-6, anyway) today. I jumped right in. I figure it will be better to be acquainted with the entire series before I start class next week. I am pleased so far; the books are really easy to read. I already read quickly - this just makes me feel like I am speed-reading. I don't typically speed read novels and such.
I haven't seen a listing for additional required texts for that class, as well as for my other class (I already have that book, although reading boring literary theory - philosophy - is not my favorite activity). I am just happy that I don't have the professor that was teaching the course last semester. She seemed friendly, but she was completely off her rocker.
Today was uneventful, to say the least. I didn't really do anything special. Mostly, I tried to take care of a few maintenance items, like an oil change and washing dishes, with varying success. I received the Harry Potter series (Books 1-6, anyway) today. I jumped right in. I figure it will be better to be acquainted with the entire series before I start class next week. I am pleased so far; the books are really easy to read. I already read quickly - this just makes me feel like I am speed-reading. I don't typically speed read novels and such.
I haven't seen a listing for additional required texts for that class, as well as for my other class (I already have that book, although reading boring literary theory - philosophy - is not my favorite activity). I am just happy that I don't have the professor that was teaching the course last semester. She seemed friendly, but she was completely off her rocker.
Wednesday, January 02, 2008
1 January 2008
1 January 2008
My year didn't quite "kick off" the way I had planned. I slept in. I didn't go out for a jog, although I considered going outside to play in the snow. It didn't happen, though. I didn't tackle the basement, as I had hoped I would. I just left everything. Today was a day for lounging around and watching movies with Jeremy. I haven't been returning many text messages or phone calls - or emails for that matter. I've felt somewhat anti-social for a while now. I think it is just the craziness of the holidays. Usually I feel like jumping off of a bridge, but this year was a little easier. I just avoided things.
We made homemade pizza and I strummed my ukulele. Wendy finally joined MySpace. I finally have a convenient way to keep in touch with her.
In the morning, I need to call about a house I am interested in, make an appointment for an oil change at the dealership, contact two reception halls, maybe go dress shopping (with a friend, possibly), exercise, grade papers, do laundry, clean the kitchen and the living room, go to EMU to pick up my parking permit, clean my bedroom, and call a couple of friends. I also need to solve a couple of problems. I don't wish to get into those right now.
My year didn't quite "kick off" the way I had planned. I slept in. I didn't go out for a jog, although I considered going outside to play in the snow. It didn't happen, though. I didn't tackle the basement, as I had hoped I would. I just left everything. Today was a day for lounging around and watching movies with Jeremy. I haven't been returning many text messages or phone calls - or emails for that matter. I've felt somewhat anti-social for a while now. I think it is just the craziness of the holidays. Usually I feel like jumping off of a bridge, but this year was a little easier. I just avoided things.
We made homemade pizza and I strummed my ukulele. Wendy finally joined MySpace. I finally have a convenient way to keep in touch with her.
In the morning, I need to call about a house I am interested in, make an appointment for an oil change at the dealership, contact two reception halls, maybe go dress shopping (with a friend, possibly), exercise, grade papers, do laundry, clean the kitchen and the living room, go to EMU to pick up my parking permit, clean my bedroom, and call a couple of friends. I also need to solve a couple of problems. I don't wish to get into those right now.
Monday, December 31, 2007
Resolutions
Now is the time that we arbitrarily assign to making new goals and resolutions about how we have been living our lives. Is it cliche for me to have resolutions again this year? I decided to look at my list for 2007. Let's have a look here:
1. Limit alcohol consumption to one to two drinks per month.
To be honest, I have cut back on drinking overall, but I have had a few moments of heavy drinking. Everyone at James' party, Mike A., Jeremy, and Mike V. have seen the "fun" Lish during this times.
2. No fast food, not even when pressed for time.
Okay, so I still went to Subway (and yes, McDonald's several times).
3. No pizza, unless I make organic homemade pizza. (I will miss you, Jet's Pizza!)
That one didn't last, although I did make a lot more homemade pizza.
4. A minimum of thirty minutes of cardio every day.
That one last for a long time. I don't know what stopped me. I was losing weight and feeling great (pardon the annoying rhyme).
5. Count calories daily. Limit for first month = 1600, second month = 1500, third month = 1350...we'll see beyond that.
I did count calories for the better part of the year. I lost track during the holiday season, though.
6. Follow a daily chore schedule for each room in my home.
Yeah, that one didn't work out well. Jeremy's schedule is chaotic, at best, and grad school work took up almost all of my time.
7. Read at least two books (novels, biographies, etc.) each month.
I read a lot - just not that much. Maybe that should have been a goal for the summer only.
8. Do yoga three times per week.
I stopped within a month.
9. Join a music ensemble - I think Canton is looking at its newest percussionist.
I am thriving in the band. I LOVE it! I will continue this year. I scheduled grad school and other commitments around it.
10. Go to my doctor's regularly - dentist, regular physician, urologist (for my kindey stone problem), dietician, OB-GYN (to be honest, I am still holding off on this one).
I started going to the dentist regularly. I have an appointment on January 8th. I haven't been to any other doctors, though. My fear of the doctor borders on phobia-status. If I could list my urologist in Battle Creek as my primary care physician, I would travel to see him. He is a great doctor AND I used to teach at St. Philip with his wife. Their daughter was one of my journalism students years ago. Unfortunately, I have to have a "local" doctor.
_________________________________________________________
So what are my resolutions for this year?
1. Organize and decorate my ENTIRE home. I am tired of treating my townhouse as a temporary living situation. We currently are not in transition - this is our home. We need to make it look like a home.
2. Live healthier. That means: eating healthy food, counting calories, creating an exercise routine (preferably at Lifetime Fitness), managing stress positively, reduce or eliminate "excessive" behaviors in regard to food and alcohol, get out and enjoy life more (go dancing, traveling, etc.)
3. Learn one or two instruments (I am already doing well with my new tenor ukulele - the strings are tuned just like my soprano uke). I want to learn the harmonica (Jeremy bought me one for Christmas). I bought myself a drum set, but I already know the basics. I am thinking that, over the summer, I could start learning violin or something - maybe flute. Maybe I will even get voice lessons.
4. Clean my home more frequently.
5. Write more. I have just about abandoned journal writing - I've been posting more online, anyway.
6. Get married! I am addressing the planning stuff a lot lately. Lack of money is cutting my guest list significantly. Sorry, folks. Some of my cousins won't even be invited!
7. Play my ukulele in public - not school. I am not afraid of students.
8. Go to Germany.
9. Find and buy a house with some property, preferably out in the middle of nowhere.
10. Stop living so much in my head!
1. Limit alcohol consumption to one to two drinks per month.
To be honest, I have cut back on drinking overall, but I have had a few moments of heavy drinking. Everyone at James' party, Mike A., Jeremy, and Mike V. have seen the "fun" Lish during this times.
2. No fast food, not even when pressed for time.
Okay, so I still went to Subway (and yes, McDonald's several times).
3. No pizza, unless I make organic homemade pizza. (I will miss you, Jet's Pizza!)
That one didn't last, although I did make a lot more homemade pizza.
4. A minimum of thirty minutes of cardio every day.
That one last for a long time. I don't know what stopped me. I was losing weight and feeling great (pardon the annoying rhyme).
5. Count calories daily. Limit for first month = 1600, second month = 1500, third month = 1350...we'll see beyond that.
I did count calories for the better part of the year. I lost track during the holiday season, though.
6. Follow a daily chore schedule for each room in my home.
Yeah, that one didn't work out well. Jeremy's schedule is chaotic, at best, and grad school work took up almost all of my time.
7. Read at least two books (novels, biographies, etc.) each month.
I read a lot - just not that much. Maybe that should have been a goal for the summer only.
8. Do yoga three times per week.
I stopped within a month.
9. Join a music ensemble - I think Canton is looking at its newest percussionist.
I am thriving in the band. I LOVE it! I will continue this year. I scheduled grad school and other commitments around it.
10. Go to my doctor's regularly - dentist, regular physician, urologist (for my kindey stone problem), dietician, OB-GYN (to be honest, I am still holding off on this one).
I started going to the dentist regularly. I have an appointment on January 8th. I haven't been to any other doctors, though. My fear of the doctor borders on phobia-status. If I could list my urologist in Battle Creek as my primary care physician, I would travel to see him. He is a great doctor AND I used to teach at St. Philip with his wife. Their daughter was one of my journalism students years ago. Unfortunately, I have to have a "local" doctor.
_________________________________________________________
So what are my resolutions for this year?
1. Organize and decorate my ENTIRE home. I am tired of treating my townhouse as a temporary living situation. We currently are not in transition - this is our home. We need to make it look like a home.
2. Live healthier. That means: eating healthy food, counting calories, creating an exercise routine (preferably at Lifetime Fitness), managing stress positively, reduce or eliminate "excessive" behaviors in regard to food and alcohol, get out and enjoy life more (go dancing, traveling, etc.)
3. Learn one or two instruments (I am already doing well with my new tenor ukulele - the strings are tuned just like my soprano uke). I want to learn the harmonica (Jeremy bought me one for Christmas). I bought myself a drum set, but I already know the basics. I am thinking that, over the summer, I could start learning violin or something - maybe flute. Maybe I will even get voice lessons.
4. Clean my home more frequently.
5. Write more. I have just about abandoned journal writing - I've been posting more online, anyway.
6. Get married! I am addressing the planning stuff a lot lately. Lack of money is cutting my guest list significantly. Sorry, folks. Some of my cousins won't even be invited!
7. Play my ukulele in public - not school. I am not afraid of students.
8. Go to Germany.
9. Find and buy a house with some property, preferably out in the middle of nowhere.
10. Stop living so much in my head!
Friday, December 28, 2007
111
111. I don't think I could love my cats more even if they were my own children.
112. I love taking naps. I've taken a nap many times during this vacation.
113. I wear size 9 shoes.
114. I used to collect stamps. Yeah, I'm a loser.
115. I will be spending the $23.00 for each season of The X-Files tomorrow at Best Buy, and I am not ashamed. It's a deal!
112. I love taking naps. I've taken a nap many times during this vacation.
113. I wear size 9 shoes.
114. I used to collect stamps. Yeah, I'm a loser.
115. I will be spending the $23.00 for each season of The X-Files tomorrow at Best Buy, and I am not ashamed. It's a deal!
Thursday, December 20, 2007
102 - 110
102. I still get butterflies-in-the-stomach-type feelings.
103. Mike V. and I are on the same wave length most of the time. Oh, look! He just left me a message! Cool!
104. I don't believe I've ever kissed someone under the mistletoe.
105. I finished ALL of my Christmas shopping today - in less than three hours! I have spent a little over $500. this year.
106. I want to cut my hair. I don't think I'll be donating my hair this year.
107. I played my ukulele during passing time at work on Friday.
108. I brought my decorations up from the basement, but I have very little drive to actually unpack and display them.
109. I love when Jeremy runs his fingers through my hair. This is the only way for me to truly relax. Nothing else works. Not even alcohol.
110. I dislike buying into the commercialism that surrounds Christmas. I would prefer to not give or receive any gifts. I'd like to spend Christmas day in church.
103. Mike V. and I are on the same wave length most of the time. Oh, look! He just left me a message! Cool!
104. I don't believe I've ever kissed someone under the mistletoe.
105. I finished ALL of my Christmas shopping today - in less than three hours! I have spent a little over $500. this year.
106. I want to cut my hair. I don't think I'll be donating my hair this year.
107. I played my ukulele during passing time at work on Friday.
108. I brought my decorations up from the basement, but I have very little drive to actually unpack and display them.
109. I love when Jeremy runs his fingers through my hair. This is the only way for me to truly relax. Nothing else works. Not even alcohol.
110. I dislike buying into the commercialism that surrounds Christmas. I would prefer to not give or receive any gifts. I'd like to spend Christmas day in church.
Monday, December 17, 2007
94 - 101
94. I finally finished all of my papers for my grad class. And I have a snow day tomorrow. And I have to turn in my papers. And I want to spend the day cleaning.
95. I'm ticklish in only a few places.
96. Jeremy bought me chocolate today. And shoveled all around our place and our cars. And cuddled with me. And goofed around with me in the kitchen. And kissed me. And gave me quiet time so that I could finish my homework. And has been a total sweetheart lately. This is who I remember falling in love with. I missed him.
97. I felt empowered while putting my aunt in her place on Saturday.
98. I like sock monkeys.
99. I am taking two classes next term; I am so nervous.
100. I still haven't done any Christmas shopping. I think tomorrow will be a busy day!
101. I don't think I will stop with 101. I have so much more to reveal. Just not tonight. I should get some sleep.
95. I'm ticklish in only a few places.
96. Jeremy bought me chocolate today. And shoveled all around our place and our cars. And cuddled with me. And goofed around with me in the kitchen. And kissed me. And gave me quiet time so that I could finish my homework. And has been a total sweetheart lately. This is who I remember falling in love with. I missed him.
97. I felt empowered while putting my aunt in her place on Saturday.
98. I like sock monkeys.
99. I am taking two classes next term; I am so nervous.
100. I still haven't done any Christmas shopping. I think tomorrow will be a busy day!
101. I don't think I will stop with 101. I have so much more to reveal. Just not tonight. I should get some sleep.
93
93. I sometimes wish we were stranded on an island together...all alone...forever. I'd have you all to myself.
Thursday, December 13, 2007
92...Kenny v. Spenny
92. Despite how disgusting and juvenile Kenny v. Spenny is, I find the show frickin hilarious! I almost threw up a few minutes ago watching the meat-eating competition/vomitfest.
What does everyone else think of the show?
What does everyone else think of the show?
87 - 91
87. I love playing with blankets with my toes.
88. I used to enjoy working at Payless, even though I don't like to look at feet.
89. Sometimes I want to return to mindless employment.
90. My professor granted me an extension on my final papers. I am so happy.
91. Jeremy made me a really nice dinner tonight. It was so wonderful and sweet.
88. I used to enjoy working at Payless, even though I don't like to look at feet.
89. Sometimes I want to return to mindless employment.
90. My professor granted me an extension on my final papers. I am so happy.
91. Jeremy made me a really nice dinner tonight. It was so wonderful and sweet.
Wednesday, December 12, 2007
66 - 86
66. I can't seem to get my papers done this week. They are due by 5 PM on Friday. I waited too long to get started, and I feel like a complete failure. I am tempted to buy a paper. I won't, though. I find that completely unethical. Nevertheless, I am tempted. I'd rather get a terrible grade and get booted out of grad school than cheat.
67. I started eating chocolate-covered espresso beans again. My students noticed a difference in my behavior today.
68. I don't get a hoot about literary theory. I want the master's in literature so that I know literature!
69. I have some really wonderful students this year.
70. I have never taken illegal drugs, and I am still proud of myself.
71. I want to drink all the time lately.
72. I don't believe I will be getting the 8-string tenor ukulele I want for Christmas. And I could almost cry about it.
73. I was able to eat mushrooms in a sandwich and on a pizza recently. I did not vomit either time. I've never before been able to stomach mushrooms.
74. I have strong, yet hideous, toes. I'd love to show off their strength, but I'd be afraid to have people see my crooked foot digits.
75. I've started praying every night before bed...not be attacked by demons. Apparently, I believe...at least for now.
76. Sometimes I am angry at God for not making me special enough to have demons fighting over my soul.
77. I'd rather be in a boring, loveless marriage than a series of short, passionate relationships.
78. I realize when I say things like what I said in #77, people think I am unhappy in my current relationship. I am actually quite content.
79. I have been ashamed to ride in Jeremy's last three cars (one was always breaking down, one was louder than any other car I had ever been near, and the current one is falling apart...slowly).
80. I named Jeremy's current car 'The Red Dragon.'
81. I might go to Midnight Mass this year.
82. I love broad-shouldered men. I am so lucky Jeremy has broad shoulders. And dark brown hair. And two distinct eye brows. And green eyes. And big teeth. And high cheek bones. And a great sense of humor (which none of my old friends usually get to witness - he is a bit uncomfortable around some of my friends). And a great memory. And a NOT-so-hairy chest (I'm NOT into the whole Tom Selleck look at all!). And cute ears.
83. Jeremy just burped a "Hi" and a "Hello". I have the classiest fiance ever!
84. I organized every item in my teacher desk today, right down to color-coding paper clips and post-it notes. I should post a photo of this craziness!
85. I am dehydrated again.
86. If I am still in my MA program next semester, I will be a much better student. I will cancel Comcast if I have to.
67. I started eating chocolate-covered espresso beans again. My students noticed a difference in my behavior today.
68. I don't get a hoot about literary theory. I want the master's in literature so that I know literature!
69. I have some really wonderful students this year.
70. I have never taken illegal drugs, and I am still proud of myself.
71. I want to drink all the time lately.
72. I don't believe I will be getting the 8-string tenor ukulele I want for Christmas. And I could almost cry about it.
73. I was able to eat mushrooms in a sandwich and on a pizza recently. I did not vomit either time. I've never before been able to stomach mushrooms.
74. I have strong, yet hideous, toes. I'd love to show off their strength, but I'd be afraid to have people see my crooked foot digits.
75. I've started praying every night before bed...not be attacked by demons. Apparently, I believe...at least for now.
76. Sometimes I am angry at God for not making me special enough to have demons fighting over my soul.
77. I'd rather be in a boring, loveless marriage than a series of short, passionate relationships.
78. I realize when I say things like what I said in #77, people think I am unhappy in my current relationship. I am actually quite content.
79. I have been ashamed to ride in Jeremy's last three cars (one was always breaking down, one was louder than any other car I had ever been near, and the current one is falling apart...slowly).
80. I named Jeremy's current car 'The Red Dragon.'
81. I might go to Midnight Mass this year.
82. I love broad-shouldered men. I am so lucky Jeremy has broad shoulders. And dark brown hair. And two distinct eye brows. And green eyes. And big teeth. And high cheek bones. And a great sense of humor (which none of my old friends usually get to witness - he is a bit uncomfortable around some of my friends). And a great memory. And a NOT-so-hairy chest (I'm NOT into the whole Tom Selleck look at all!). And cute ears.
83. Jeremy just burped a "Hi" and a "Hello". I have the classiest fiance ever!
84. I organized every item in my teacher desk today, right down to color-coding paper clips and post-it notes. I should post a photo of this craziness!
85. I am dehydrated again.
86. If I am still in my MA program next semester, I will be a much better student. I will cancel Comcast if I have to.
Monday, December 10, 2007
52 and onward
52. I like to pretend I am a foreigner in stores.
53. I find Harvey Keitel very sexy in the movie The Piano.
54. I procrastinate more than I used to.
55. I have a recurring dream that I lose my teeth. I have had this dream since I was six or seven years old. It is just as disturbing as when I started having the dream.
56. I LOVE new office supplies.
57. I never intended to stay in my current line of work.
58. I don't think I truly care about grad school.
59. I have been sexually harassed at work. I no longer teach at the school - the superintendent refused to fire the man even though he admitted to harassing two women on staff that year.
60. I was stalked by a coke-head when I lived in Florida. He went to prison on drug possession charges, and I changed my number, packed my stuff, and moved back to Michigan before he was released.
61. I adore scarves. I want to have at least twenty on hand so that I can coordinate fabrics, colors, and textures on a daily basis.
62. It's my fault my cats are so emotionally needy.
63. I want to get the edge of my tongue pierced...or possibly get the corner of my lower lip pierced.
64. I want to dye my hair bright purple or cobalt blue. My job really doesn't allow for me to do that. I want to get out of K-12 mostly for that reason.
65. Lately, I like playing the ukulele more than I like playing the drums - or the piano, for that matter.
53. I find Harvey Keitel very sexy in the movie The Piano.
54. I procrastinate more than I used to.
55. I have a recurring dream that I lose my teeth. I have had this dream since I was six or seven years old. It is just as disturbing as when I started having the dream.
56. I LOVE new office supplies.
57. I never intended to stay in my current line of work.
58. I don't think I truly care about grad school.
59. I have been sexually harassed at work. I no longer teach at the school - the superintendent refused to fire the man even though he admitted to harassing two women on staff that year.
60. I was stalked by a coke-head when I lived in Florida. He went to prison on drug possession charges, and I changed my number, packed my stuff, and moved back to Michigan before he was released.
61. I adore scarves. I want to have at least twenty on hand so that I can coordinate fabrics, colors, and textures on a daily basis.
62. It's my fault my cats are so emotionally needy.
63. I want to get the edge of my tongue pierced...or possibly get the corner of my lower lip pierced.
64. I want to dye my hair bright purple or cobalt blue. My job really doesn't allow for me to do that. I want to get out of K-12 mostly for that reason.
65. Lately, I like playing the ukulele more than I like playing the drums - or the piano, for that matter.
Monday, December 03, 2007
About Me (Again)
51. I am better with alcohol. I cannot deny that I like who I truly am when drinking.
Oh, and James, I think you are very wise. Thank you for engaging in such an interesting and honest dialogue tonight. That is definitely food-for-thought.
Oh, and James, I think you are very wise. Thank you for engaging in such an interesting and honest dialogue tonight. That is definitely food-for-thought.
Friday, November 30, 2007
About Me
I noticed Joe had posted lists with random information about himself. Several other friends have been doing the same thing lately. I, too, have one. It's been saved as a draft for some time as I compiled more and more information that I felt I should share. I moved some things around to give the sense of continuity, although I am not sure how that really comes across in a list.
I'll start with fifty and see where that leads.
1. I am almost always day-dreaming. I prefer to live in the world inside my head, where second chances are possible and anger is never real or lasting.
2. I am glad that I attended self-defense workshop classes my first semester in college. I never thought that I would ever have to use the techniques we discussed and practiced.
3. I don't hate Jim for what he tried to do to me.
4. I understand what it is to feel alive.
5. I remember everything - how others looked at me, how I felt, how awful I was.
6. I miss my dog and still cry frequently over that loss.
7. My heart has been truly and completely broken twice. Both times, I allowed for it to be mended by the people who had broken it.
8. I don't like a lot of physical contact. On the other hand, I am openly affectionate with certain people with no problem.
9. I have become aware of some of my incredibly anti-social behaviors, as well as behaviors that my doctors (as a child) said could indicate a mild form of autism. I am not autistic. I just don't care to interact with people sometimes.
10. I understand why parents are afraid of the stigma of declaring learning disabilities and deficiencies.
11. I have serious trust and abandonment issues that stem from my childhood. I can pinpoint what I now believe to be the root of these issues, but I don't seek help. I will never seek help.
12. I started having depressing and a few random suicidal thoughts again within the last five months. While I wouldn't commit suicide, I fantasize about having some control over my passing.
13. I am becoming a much more devout Catholic. I had to experience pagan religions and shun the church for a while to get here.
14. I started praying again at night before I go to sleep.
15. I chickened out of sending in one of my secrets to PostSecret. I was afraid someone would know it was me.
16. When I look at electrical outlets, I always see faces in the design. I used to imagine they were screaming.
17. I miss going driving as an outing.
18. I love picnics, complete with the perfectly-prepared meals, basket, and Gingham blanket.
19. I still regret arguing during my audition for the school of music - I feel I should be a professional musician in a large, metropolitan-area orchestra.
20. I would write a lot more if I didn't feel like the future generations wouldn't appreciate good literature.
21. I have a difficult time hiding my attraction to people. I become giddy and laugh nervously.
22. I am considering quitting drinking altogether again.
23. I love hitting Ann Arbor with the Mikes.
24. I stopped collecting things and have accumulated more clutter than when I did collect things.
25. I miss being someone's muse. Some ex-boyfriends and some of my friends (both male and female) have said that I inspired stories, poetry, songs, screenplays, and art that they have created. How do I become that again...and for someone like my fiance, who is not really the creative type?
26. I regret not enjoying Florida more while living there. Being five miles from the ocean should have afforded so much more enjoyment.
27. In my quest to not be apathetic, I have become overly-empathetic and find it difficult to manage everyone's emotions.
28. I am fiercely independent and dislike when others "mess" up my living space, but I'd still prefer to have my fiance home every night.
29. In less than three years, I will be thirty. I need to re-examine my plan for my education, career, marriage, children, etc.
30. I can't wait until spring so that Mike V. and I can go drinking and stay out all night again in Ann Arbor.
31. I love going to libraries while drunk. I am a complete nerd.
32. I read into things too much.
33. I grieve the passing of the important moments of my life. I try to bargain with God to let me go back.
34. When I started driving, I paid around $1.19 per gallon of gas.
35. I don't have text messaging included in my phone plan. I've decided only some people are worth the $.15 per message.
36. I relive moments in my head...constantly.
37. I have imaginary conversations I want and need to have with my friends.
38. The year 2000 was, by far, the best and worst year of my life thus far.
39. Mike V. treated me to a Brian Vander Ark concert in Kalamazoo in 2006. While he was using the restroom, I wrote a note and left it in the CD jacket. He didn't find it for weeks.
40. I am a much more positive person than I used to be.
41. I don't own a coffee grinder.
42. I've resigned myself to the notion that if something were to happen, it would have happened by now.
43. I make up new card games that are designed for no one to win. They are single-player games.
44. I think my cats think that I am their real mother, especially when I wear my orange fleece jacket.
45. There are still boxes in my basement that haven't been unpacked. They contain teaching materials and electronics I think about using.
46. My favorite utensil is the spoon. And I actually have a favorite one in my silverware drawer.
47. I still crave cigarettes even though I haven't had one since I was fourteen or fifteen years old. I have smoked one cigar (at my sister's wedding).
48. I met one of my heros - Desmond Tutu - in 2005 while working at a hotel in Battle Creek, Michigan.
49. I usually hold grudges.
50. I am afraid of being alone, which explains why there have only been a handful of times when I wasn't in a relationship with someone within the past eleven years.
I'll start with fifty and see where that leads.
1. I am almost always day-dreaming. I prefer to live in the world inside my head, where second chances are possible and anger is never real or lasting.
2. I am glad that I attended self-defense workshop classes my first semester in college. I never thought that I would ever have to use the techniques we discussed and practiced.
3. I don't hate Jim for what he tried to do to me.
4. I understand what it is to feel alive.
5. I remember everything - how others looked at me, how I felt, how awful I was.
6. I miss my dog and still cry frequently over that loss.
7. My heart has been truly and completely broken twice. Both times, I allowed for it to be mended by the people who had broken it.
8. I don't like a lot of physical contact. On the other hand, I am openly affectionate with certain people with no problem.
9. I have become aware of some of my incredibly anti-social behaviors, as well as behaviors that my doctors (as a child) said could indicate a mild form of autism. I am not autistic. I just don't care to interact with people sometimes.
10. I understand why parents are afraid of the stigma of declaring learning disabilities and deficiencies.
11. I have serious trust and abandonment issues that stem from my childhood. I can pinpoint what I now believe to be the root of these issues, but I don't seek help. I will never seek help.
12. I started having depressing and a few random suicidal thoughts again within the last five months. While I wouldn't commit suicide, I fantasize about having some control over my passing.
13. I am becoming a much more devout Catholic. I had to experience pagan religions and shun the church for a while to get here.
14. I started praying again at night before I go to sleep.
15. I chickened out of sending in one of my secrets to PostSecret. I was afraid someone would know it was me.
16. When I look at electrical outlets, I always see faces in the design. I used to imagine they were screaming.
17. I miss going driving as an outing.
18. I love picnics, complete with the perfectly-prepared meals, basket, and Gingham blanket.
19. I still regret arguing during my audition for the school of music - I feel I should be a professional musician in a large, metropolitan-area orchestra.
20. I would write a lot more if I didn't feel like the future generations wouldn't appreciate good literature.
21. I have a difficult time hiding my attraction to people. I become giddy and laugh nervously.
22. I am considering quitting drinking altogether again.
23. I love hitting Ann Arbor with the Mikes.
24. I stopped collecting things and have accumulated more clutter than when I did collect things.
25. I miss being someone's muse. Some ex-boyfriends and some of my friends (both male and female) have said that I inspired stories, poetry, songs, screenplays, and art that they have created. How do I become that again...and for someone like my fiance, who is not really the creative type?
26. I regret not enjoying Florida more while living there. Being five miles from the ocean should have afforded so much more enjoyment.
27. In my quest to not be apathetic, I have become overly-empathetic and find it difficult to manage everyone's emotions.
28. I am fiercely independent and dislike when others "mess" up my living space, but I'd still prefer to have my fiance home every night.
29. In less than three years, I will be thirty. I need to re-examine my plan for my education, career, marriage, children, etc.
30. I can't wait until spring so that Mike V. and I can go drinking and stay out all night again in Ann Arbor.
31. I love going to libraries while drunk. I am a complete nerd.
32. I read into things too much.
33. I grieve the passing of the important moments of my life. I try to bargain with God to let me go back.
34. When I started driving, I paid around $1.19 per gallon of gas.
35. I don't have text messaging included in my phone plan. I've decided only some people are worth the $.15 per message.
36. I relive moments in my head...constantly.
37. I have imaginary conversations I want and need to have with my friends.
38. The year 2000 was, by far, the best and worst year of my life thus far.
39. Mike V. treated me to a Brian Vander Ark concert in Kalamazoo in 2006. While he was using the restroom, I wrote a note and left it in the CD jacket. He didn't find it for weeks.
40. I am a much more positive person than I used to be.
41. I don't own a coffee grinder.
42. I've resigned myself to the notion that if something were to happen, it would have happened by now.
43. I make up new card games that are designed for no one to win. They are single-player games.
44. I think my cats think that I am their real mother, especially when I wear my orange fleece jacket.
45. There are still boxes in my basement that haven't been unpacked. They contain teaching materials and electronics I think about using.
46. My favorite utensil is the spoon. And I actually have a favorite one in my silverware drawer.
47. I still crave cigarettes even though I haven't had one since I was fourteen or fifteen years old. I have smoked one cigar (at my sister's wedding).
48. I met one of my heros - Desmond Tutu - in 2005 while working at a hotel in Battle Creek, Michigan.
49. I usually hold grudges.
50. I am afraid of being alone, which explains why there have only been a handful of times when I wasn't in a relationship with someone within the past eleven years.
another week closer to summer break
I've begun to think about the closing of each week. I feel like a new teacher, always behind in my planning and grading (although the grading is far less taxing as I now teach German most of the day). I am stressed about many things going on in my building.
I think I will grade my students' quizzes and writing assignments tonight. I have no other plans, and it would be nice to spend my weekend doing other things, for once.
I think I will grade my students' quizzes and writing assignments tonight. I have no other plans, and it would be nice to spend my weekend doing other things, for once.
Monday, November 26, 2007
Not feeling quite so neurotic today.
I tend to look forward to Mondays. Today was very different. I knew going into it that it would be a tough day. I missed both Ryan's and my uncle Chuck's funerals because of contract issues with taking days off before and after vacations. Jeremy was unable to return from St. Louis for the funerals, as well.
I left work quickly today. I ended up going to dinner with Melissa - she called when I had just left my place in search of food (I had determined that I just didn't feel like cooking for myself). Mike hadn't called, so I figured he was busy with grad work or school stuff.
We had a nice meal in Canton. After returning home, I watched videos at ukuleledisco.com (one of my favorite sites). As I began to really wind down from the stress of the day, Mike called to, basically, apologize for not being able to meet for coffee as we have been doing on Mondays. He is just too busy with grad work and the end of the trimester at his school. I, of course, felt so proud of myself for knowing exactly what the hold-up was. Mike and I are so similarly wired that it would be damn near impossible to NOT know what is up with each other. I find it absolutely hilarious that while he was at a voice lesson tonight, I was singing scales and various songs, both with and without my uke.
He suggested we meet later this week or perhaps next week. That might be good. My friends could finally meet him. We've been good friends since 2000, and we've hung out both in the Kalamazoo area as well as all over the Detroit area, but most of my friends here have never met him. I swear he is not a figment of my imagination!
I spoke to Jeremy tonight. I miss him so much. I can't wait to see him this week (he'll be home for a couple of days). Perhaps our friends will all want to go out to the Rathskeller in the Heidelberg for a beer boot.
I left work quickly today. I ended up going to dinner with Melissa - she called when I had just left my place in search of food (I had determined that I just didn't feel like cooking for myself). Mike hadn't called, so I figured he was busy with grad work or school stuff.
We had a nice meal in Canton. After returning home, I watched videos at ukuleledisco.com (one of my favorite sites). As I began to really wind down from the stress of the day, Mike called to, basically, apologize for not being able to meet for coffee as we have been doing on Mondays. He is just too busy with grad work and the end of the trimester at his school. I, of course, felt so proud of myself for knowing exactly what the hold-up was. Mike and I are so similarly wired that it would be damn near impossible to NOT know what is up with each other. I find it absolutely hilarious that while he was at a voice lesson tonight, I was singing scales and various songs, both with and without my uke.
He suggested we meet later this week or perhaps next week. That might be good. My friends could finally meet him. We've been good friends since 2000, and we've hung out both in the Kalamazoo area as well as all over the Detroit area, but most of my friends here have never met him. I swear he is not a figment of my imagination!
I spoke to Jeremy tonight. I miss him so much. I can't wait to see him this week (he'll be home for a couple of days). Perhaps our friends will all want to go out to the Rathskeller in the Heidelberg for a beer boot.
Subscribe to:
Posts (Atom)