Anonymous Maura

I realized tonight that some of my behaviors these past few years are clear indicators of a much larger issue. While part of the healing process is acknowledging that there is, in fact, a problem, I feel strange about revealing it here now. I'm sure that, as time goes on, it will seep into my posts, as I feel it should.

Finding myself following in my normal pattern today, I had the same emotions and thoughts, but this time, I gave myself a short pep talk and decided to do some research into some of the "___ Anonymous" meetings in the area. Many others who suffer from this had posted comments on a support website. I read a few, thought they sounded familiar, and then I read one that really could have been written by me. The woman described her life - it was so similar to mine (relationships, career, hobbies, interests, family, etc.). Her inability to control her issues brought about emotions and behaviors that were so like mine that I read it three more times and then saved it on my desktop. Thank you, Maura. You have no idea how you've already helped me...at least, with the first part.

I broke down and cried for a little while. I became so focused I totally forgot to call Jeremy back, but that hardly seems important to me at the moment.

I always thought that finding and acknowledging something like this in me would make me feel weak, but it really produces the opposite feeling. I want to go to the meeting tomorrow, but my schedule conflicts. I know I should be taking care of myself first, but some things cannot be rearranged that quickly. Just knowing there is a name for this helps me. To know I am not alone helps me.

A very different thing happened to me while reading and experiencing my connection with others...an entire novel came into focus inside of me. I haven't had a good idea in months. And this one came crashing in like waves. That means something.

I really think I am going to be okay. With help.