The influence of others

After noticing changes in Jeremy, I started thinking more and more about how we have influenced each other.

When he and I first met in college, I was in the middle of dealing with two messy, on-again, off-again relationships, one that held a deep emotional connection and the other a more outgoing and spirited experience (overall, just a misguided avenue in a good friendship that was never really meant to be more). I was involved in a variety of student activities and political causes that distracted me enough to manage my life in the turbulence of two failing relationships. I was visiting hippie communes and trying new personalities. I turned into a strong liberal, attending small protests and supporting my gay friends in their individual and group pursuits toward happiness and equality. I went to civil rights meetings with my friend J, at which we worked with community groups to help people in poor areas (predominantly black) rise up and join the professional world. Some of the people were anti-white, but most were pleasant and realized that life is difficult for everyone, regardless of skin color.

Jeremy was the staunch conservative (he has an official Republican party pin that I used to laugh at). Despite this, he always had a great sense of humor and I liked the way he looked at the world - so optimistic.

We started dating after my sophomore year in college. I often tested his boundaries on his religious beliefs, expectations, political views, etc. He tried to make me more conservative in all areas - except the bedroom. I think he would have liked for my liberalism to extend into the private sector of our relationship, but I was quite conservative compared to other college students. He told me he loved me months before I said it back. I pointed out that he was liberal with his heart which was not wise. I don't think he liked that, not because he thought I didn't return his feelings, but because I used the term 'liberal'.

As he stepped out into the real world, he learned that being a conservative while being in a low-paying job wasn't really all that great. His ideas and opinions about the government changed. I'm certain this was helped by my cynicism and constant concern about those who kept slipping through the cracks.

When I stepped into the working world after college, I found that belonging to fringe groups and pushing social agendas that did not serve the majority weren't going to solve any problems.

When I first entered my teaching careeer, I found it a strange thing to see a group of people who are traditionally thought of as lefties, because of unions and education, be so conservative. Teachers have to be pillars of responsibility and kindness. We have to find middle ground and eliminate the polarizing ideas that we fought for in our younger years. I became much more like Jeremy.

Jeremy started flight school and returned to his student years. He became more like me. He started sympathizing with nations and small factions in the U.S. that were being persecuted.

Today, we are a nice balance. We are both closer to the middle. I have drifted a bit toward humanitarian causes again, which gives me a slightly more leftist tinge. Jeremy has stayed in the middle but has lost faith in the Republican party. I think he still believes in some of the major ideas, though.

Could it be said that he made me care less and I made him care more?