I can't sleep. I figured I had another week or so until the insomnia hit. Teaching keeps me regulated, especially with a sleep schedule. And this past week has been so full of naps that I thought, for sure, something was wrong with me...like chronic fatigue syndrome.
I'm a hypochondriac and just plain crazy in many situations. I admit it.
To those of you who have dated me at some point in your lives(excluding Jeremy - you're stuck with me, baby!): You should be so happy you didn't end up with this cracked pot. I get irritated if towels are folded "wrong". Trust me, Jeremy has heard about this many, many times. I have incredibly high expectations of everyone, which many people cannot live up to and I let them know that. I like romance and affection, but only when I want it. I don't like to accomodate others and their schedules. I like certain foods in certain places in my fridge, as well as in the cupboards. I like all of the kitchen and bathroom drawers to contain items that are placed inside in straight lines and perfect 90 degree angles (Yes, I measure). I like silence so that I can exist within my imaginary world, but if you want to do the same, I don't want to let you go there. I will do my best to distract you. I love playing repetitive games like solitaire for hours on end. It really is an obsession.
3:00 AM EST - Jeremy's alarm should be sounding.
I will play the same song ten times in a row and then never listen to it again because I have it in my head forever. I envy people who feel no shame pushing groceries in a cart all the way home from the store. I think flannel shirts should make a comeback - the nineties had some low maintenance styles that need to be revisited. I keep watching Dawson's Creek DVDs. I've been rewriting scenes and scripts to make them work better. I speed read a lot, especially books about puntuation and grammar (Lynn Truss's Eats, Shoots & Leaves is absolutely wonderful!). I am addicted to the internet. I cleaned my bathroom with bleach products three times in the past week. I talk back to the characters from my stories. I have favorite pieces of silverware (my favorite is a soup spoon that my mother left at my apartment). I like collecting stones from different places I have visited. Half of my electronic equipment in my apartment is not hooked up because I like to take things apart. I still have the majority of my stuffed animals from childhood.
3:11 AM EST
I love to people watch at the mall, despite my fear of large crowds. Maybe that's something I should do tomorrow when I pass through Ann Arbor - go to the mall. There is virtually no chance any of my former students will be there. I can pretend to be from another country, just like Dharma and Jane do on Dharma & Greg. Lesley and I used to do stuff like that. Even Melissa, my first college roommate - the drug addict artist who didn't wear shoes - did stuff like that with me. I haven't gone to any playgrounds in years. Jeremy has never been into that. I ALWAYS had fun going to those, even though I usually injured myself. Sometimes others did, too, like Ben.
I still get butterflies. I revel in that sensation. I can return to almost any situation/experience and walk through each feeling and I still get goose bumps - firsts are always fun to return to. I remember fights from ten years ago. I can remember some fights word-for-word from twenty years ago. I remember phone numbers and codes from childhood. I am paranoid - maybe that comes from teaching. Have I always been paranoid? I love new school supplies. I get so excited at the end of summer when the stores have those huge sales. I like collecting backpacks. I like being overly prepared.
3:27 AM EST
Jeremy is supposed to be up to get ready for his flight. I hope he calls. I told him I'd probably be awake. I can't shut off my mind tonight.
I know I am rambling, but it's my blog. If you don't want to read it, don't. What I should be posting, though are the articles and lessons I will need for next school year. I just don't want to get too far ahead of myself.
I need to call my uncle about his townhouse to find out if he is looking to rent it out. I think my mind is finally slowing down a little. I will research cat behavior for a few and then I will study German - it will hopefully help me to fall asleep. I just don't want any more of that horrific dream.
3:31 AM EST
I just yawned. I think it is time to sign off. And I'm not apologizing for this nutso post.
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