PostSecret

I found myself reading and rereading the postcards on PostSecret. It's almost as if they navigate my emotions - ups, downs, revelations and laughter. I feel like a crazy person, but I'm not crazy. I should see someone, though. I have been feeling a little out of sorts lately.

Last night, I woke at approximately 3:30 to what I thought was someone talking in my room. I don't know if it was a neighbor being loud (which is not normal for this quiet little place) or if I was dreaming a little too vividly. I expected to see someone standing in my doorway, but no one was there. I checked all the locks, and they were secure.

Now, a regular person would probably think that it was just a dream. I'd love to put all my money on that number, but I have other factors to consider. My grandmother was schizophrenic (she spoke to "relatives she misses" as my family says). She went through a long period of shock treatments (almost every month for a decade or so). About six years ago, my cousin started getting into all sorts of dangerous trouble - mostly setting fires and exhibiting violent tantrums against voices only he could hear. I used to hear a voice whenever I had a chemical and/or hormonal imbalance (that's all adolescence is, isn't it?) I don't hear it anymore, though. It's like someone yelling into a glass - you know, like kids like to do when they're little, only my voice is that of an adult man. This is one reason I try to avoid taking any medication...even Advil. Crazy shit starts happening in my head. Anyway...I should probably stop revealing so much.

Today was interesting. I have finished everything for the end of the year, so I sat in my office and watched Videos on Demand in German. I started to recognize words I had long since forgotten. It was nice to that. Tomorrow will consist of the same.

I came home with a list of chores, but opted instead to watch Mean Girls and Bowling for Columbine. I vegged out, spoke to Jeremy, and sang to my cats (one really likes that).

I've also turned into a voracious reader. I read two books yesterday. I had a slight headache from speedreading, but the books were quite good and I wanted to finish them before bedtime. I have another lined up to start tonight and finish tomorrow while I am sitting in my office listening to German.

The multi-tasking is probably what is making me feel overwhelmed. I like the stress, though. I have fewer recurring dreams of losing my teeth.