Jeremy drove out to get ready for our trip up north for the weekend. We ended up in an argument about my move back to the Detroit area. He and I will be sharing a place, most likely in Canton, but he really hasn't taken initiative and sought out places to live - and he's already living in the area. I've had to spearhead this endeavor, and I have been making multiple trips from the west side of the state to take care of this. In fact, the last time I drove out, he wouldn't even meet me to visit places together. He was sitting at home watching TV. This lack of interest and cohesion has left me feeling somewhat angry, and the anger reared its ugly head for a short spat that resulted in silence for the better part of an hour.
We talked about finances and sorted through our respective budgets, as I will be taking a slight pay cut in the new school district. We determined that leaving town tomorrow for an unnecessary trip is not in our best interest - we will be paying rent for our current places, as well as rent and a deposit (most likely equal to one month's rent) in the next three weeks for a new place, then the next month's rent soon after that. Perhaps I should take my uncle up on his offer for temporary relocation into his townhouse in Ann Arbor. I just would prefer not to get into any business dealings with family members. Plus, he is placing it on the real estate market soon, and I would hate to get in the way of that process.
Although I know it wouldn't be economically wise to take a trip out of town (Jeremy and I had planned for a day or two in Traverse City, then two days of sailing on the Great Lakes with Jeremy's parents in their rather cushy sailboat), this will be the only chance we both have for a vacation this summer. I want to seize this opportunity. Maybe Jeremy and I will complete some calls tomorrow and decide to drive up north early on Sunday. I think we need to get away from everything that burdens us, if only for a day or two.
Friday, June 30, 2006
Wednesday, June 28, 2006
...
So, Teresa and Jessie have sent emails that isntruct me to tell secrets about myself. One says to include 50 and the other - 100. I would like to fill them out and send them along (or post them here), but that overly-suspicious part of me wants to know why someone would need to know so much. I am paranoid about releasing information about myself. I've also noticed that Peaj posted a list on her blog.
I wonder what can be gleaned from giving information such as this. Is it just interesting? Are people making assumptions about who I am based on past evidence? Will I say the wrong thing and upset someone else? Why do I feel the need to keep this stuff inside me? Do I really know what about me is worth revealing?
Perhaps I will just begin a list and see where things go. Maybe 30 or so to start.
Reenee, you should do this, too. Just so I am not feeling alone.
1. I don't like being called "Lish" unless I invite you to do so, or if you know me from this blog.
2. While I love my cats dearly and see that they are mildly intelligent creatures, I will forever remain a dog-person.
3. Even though I know I am a good English teacher, I get very sheepish when discussing what I do.
4. I collect the last writing from people who are close to dying.
5. I have been in love twice in my three longest relationships.
6. I fear going to Farmington just because I might run into a demon from my past. He probably doesn't live there anymore, but I'm still very uncomfortable there.
7. I kicked the daily drinking habit that was taking over my life.
8. I'm not a smoker, but I am tempted to buy cigarettes every time I smell the smoke.
9. I used to like when people thought I was a prude.
10. I fear I won't be a good German teacher.
11. I feel like I was Yoko, even though someone else fits the bill more recently.
12. I figured out who I don't want to be as a parent and wife while watching Oprah on Monday, June 26, 2006. I hadn't watched Oprah since 2002.
13. My favorite numbers are 4, 7 and 13.
14. I just had a pre-employment physical and the doctor said that I am average weight, when compared to others in the Canton area. I still say I am fat.
15. I eat because it fills the void of being with someone but being alone at the same time.
16. I still dream that I will wake up and learn that I have a much better life.
17. I like pepper on cantaloupe.
18. I almost dated one of my percussion instructors.
19. I avoid the dentist because I'm too lazy to call and set up an appointment.
20. I am a die-hard capitalist. I work hard for my money, and I hate that the government takes a portion to give to people who either didn't make good decisions with their lives or are just too lazy to go out and get a job.
21. I wish I could be a hippie.
22. I sing in my car...really loud.
23. I want to travel around the world so that I can choose where I would live the best life.
24. I've thrown up once from alcohol. Usually I can hold my own fairly well.
25. I rarely sleep through an entire night.
26. Caffeine makes me sleepy.
27. I've had one documented kidney stone, but I think I have had a few more - smaller ones, of course. I just figured I'd be fine without visiting the ER (it's so good to have leftover medication!).
28. I miss the house I grew up in.
29. I used to go to a lot of hockey games.
30. I have a new friend named Jill. She is dating one of Jeremy's friends and we hit it off quickly. I am hoping she moves to Michigan in July.
31. I am much more confident and comfortable in front of new people. Teaching has really impacted me. In fact, I am really starting to like the attention.
32. I am every age I used to be.
33. I have weird images and memories from early childhood - being bathed in the kitchen sink, being potty-trained (I still blush) and Autumn drawing on me with a pen in my crib, among others.
34. I watch people too much.
35. I rarely forgive and I never forget.
That's all I can think of. Maybe more will come to me later. The day is still young.
Post or not to post - that is the question. POST
I wonder what can be gleaned from giving information such as this. Is it just interesting? Are people making assumptions about who I am based on past evidence? Will I say the wrong thing and upset someone else? Why do I feel the need to keep this stuff inside me? Do I really know what about me is worth revealing?
Perhaps I will just begin a list and see where things go. Maybe 30 or so to start.
Reenee, you should do this, too. Just so I am not feeling alone.
1. I don't like being called "Lish" unless I invite you to do so, or if you know me from this blog.
2. While I love my cats dearly and see that they are mildly intelligent creatures, I will forever remain a dog-person.
3. Even though I know I am a good English teacher, I get very sheepish when discussing what I do.
4. I collect the last writing from people who are close to dying.
5. I have been in love twice in my three longest relationships.
6. I fear going to Farmington just because I might run into a demon from my past. He probably doesn't live there anymore, but I'm still very uncomfortable there.
7. I kicked the daily drinking habit that was taking over my life.
8. I'm not a smoker, but I am tempted to buy cigarettes every time I smell the smoke.
9. I used to like when people thought I was a prude.
10. I fear I won't be a good German teacher.
11. I feel like I was Yoko, even though someone else fits the bill more recently.
12. I figured out who I don't want to be as a parent and wife while watching Oprah on Monday, June 26, 2006. I hadn't watched Oprah since 2002.
13. My favorite numbers are 4, 7 and 13.
14. I just had a pre-employment physical and the doctor said that I am average weight, when compared to others in the Canton area. I still say I am fat.
15. I eat because it fills the void of being with someone but being alone at the same time.
16. I still dream that I will wake up and learn that I have a much better life.
17. I like pepper on cantaloupe.
18. I almost dated one of my percussion instructors.
19. I avoid the dentist because I'm too lazy to call and set up an appointment.
20. I am a die-hard capitalist. I work hard for my money, and I hate that the government takes a portion to give to people who either didn't make good decisions with their lives or are just too lazy to go out and get a job.
21. I wish I could be a hippie.
22. I sing in my car...really loud.
23. I want to travel around the world so that I can choose where I would live the best life.
24. I've thrown up once from alcohol. Usually I can hold my own fairly well.
25. I rarely sleep through an entire night.
26. Caffeine makes me sleepy.
27. I've had one documented kidney stone, but I think I have had a few more - smaller ones, of course. I just figured I'd be fine without visiting the ER (it's so good to have leftover medication!).
28. I miss the house I grew up in.
29. I used to go to a lot of hockey games.
30. I have a new friend named Jill. She is dating one of Jeremy's friends and we hit it off quickly. I am hoping she moves to Michigan in July.
31. I am much more confident and comfortable in front of new people. Teaching has really impacted me. In fact, I am really starting to like the attention.
32. I am every age I used to be.
33. I have weird images and memories from early childhood - being bathed in the kitchen sink, being potty-trained (I still blush) and Autumn drawing on me with a pen in my crib, among others.
34. I watch people too much.
35. I rarely forgive and I never forget.
That's all I can think of. Maybe more will come to me later. The day is still young.
Post or not to post - that is the question. POST
Friday, June 23, 2006
...
Today was a different sort of day. The maintenance man actually fixed the leak from upstairs. I still need the water in the carpet extracted, but it is great that the dripping ceased.
I received my paycheck in the mail. The school district must have sent them out two days early - the mail in this part of the state is ridiculously slow. I was so pleased to see that union dues are not being taken out. That means an extra $40. for my bank account. I know $40. isn't that much, but when it feels like "extra", I can put more over into my savings.
I visited the district office and then walked the nature trail behind my school. I don't know what got into me, but at some point I started jogging. I had gone there to take pictures of the river, but I was jogging instead. It isn't a long trail, but I jogged for approximately half of it, which did make me break a sweat. It felt good. The uneven ground wasn't a problem, and my knee didn't ache afterward. I then went to the library and checked out "March of the Penguins". What an adorable film! I also watched "A Walk to Remember" (I've started reading a lot of Nicholas Sparks' books, as well as watching the movies). I had seen portions of it before, so it was nice to finally see how it all pieced together. The final movie on my checkout list was the Walmart documentary. I've been really into documentaries lately. Some of the sequences are choppy, just like in a Shakespeare documentary I own, but it definitely sends its message.
Jeremy is waking early tomorrow to come out for a visit. I planned to get to sleep early, but that is just not going to happen. I drank a little alcohol, so I've been bouncing around cleaning. I came down from my buzz about half an hour ago, and decided to check my email and respond to Chuck's blog entry. I am also playing Spider Solitaire, a new obsession in my quest for repetitive games.
I think I should finish cleaning my living room and then study German. I do have that test on the 8th.
I received my paycheck in the mail. The school district must have sent them out two days early - the mail in this part of the state is ridiculously slow. I was so pleased to see that union dues are not being taken out. That means an extra $40. for my bank account. I know $40. isn't that much, but when it feels like "extra", I can put more over into my savings.
I visited the district office and then walked the nature trail behind my school. I don't know what got into me, but at some point I started jogging. I had gone there to take pictures of the river, but I was jogging instead. It isn't a long trail, but I jogged for approximately half of it, which did make me break a sweat. It felt good. The uneven ground wasn't a problem, and my knee didn't ache afterward. I then went to the library and checked out "March of the Penguins". What an adorable film! I also watched "A Walk to Remember" (I've started reading a lot of Nicholas Sparks' books, as well as watching the movies). I had seen portions of it before, so it was nice to finally see how it all pieced together. The final movie on my checkout list was the Walmart documentary. I've been really into documentaries lately. Some of the sequences are choppy, just like in a Shakespeare documentary I own, but it definitely sends its message.
Jeremy is waking early tomorrow to come out for a visit. I planned to get to sleep early, but that is just not going to happen. I drank a little alcohol, so I've been bouncing around cleaning. I came down from my buzz about half an hour ago, and decided to check my email and respond to Chuck's blog entry. I am also playing Spider Solitaire, a new obsession in my quest for repetitive games.
I think I should finish cleaning my living room and then study German. I do have that test on the 8th.
Thursday, June 22, 2006
...
The ceiling is leaking again. I have to put in another call to maintenance. The worker yesterday said he went upstairs and took care of it. Unfortunately, whatever he did was ineffective. I have sopped up most of the water, but the carpet needs for the excess water to be extracted professionally. I am certain there is damage to the walls, as well. I sprayed a bleaching agent to thwart mold growth, but I really don't think it will help all that much.
I have found myself online for the better part of the day. I found one old friend and sent her a message. I was surprised to see her image on a friend's myspace friendlist. I hope she receives it soon and contacts me. It's been way too long. Jess and I go way back.
I am hoping I can find Carrie again. We had been in contact about six months ago but lost touch once again. I don't know what is driving this urge to reconnect with old friends - probably seeing some of them at Brendan's wedding made me realize how much I do miss them.
Why did we stop hanging out? Will things change when I move back in July?
I have found myself online for the better part of the day. I found one old friend and sent her a message. I was surprised to see her image on a friend's myspace friendlist. I hope she receives it soon and contacts me. It's been way too long. Jess and I go way back.
I am hoping I can find Carrie again. We had been in contact about six months ago but lost touch once again. I don't know what is driving this urge to reconnect with old friends - probably seeing some of them at Brendan's wedding made me realize how much I do miss them.
Why did we stop hanging out? Will things change when I move back in July?
...
Jeremy is driving out to visit this weekend. I can't wait to see him.
I've been pricing apartments in the Detroit area. I should just buy a house. It really is a buyer's market right now. There are deals for first-time home buyers, as well as zero down/zero closing fee deals. Would this be wise? It would significantly change my taxes for the better.
I've been pricing apartments in the Detroit area. I should just buy a house. It really is a buyer's market right now. There are deals for first-time home buyers, as well as zero down/zero closing fee deals. Would this be wise? It would significantly change my taxes for the better.
Wednesday, June 21, 2006
...
I am finding it difficult to get motivated today. I drove back home yesterday afternoon to water-soaked carpet in my living room. My upstairs neighbors' A/C unit pipes leaked through the floorboards and my ceiling. What an exciting surprise! At least nothing major was damaged. Maintenance arrived quickly and looked into the matter. I think he was able to fix the problem - there has been no more water; I am going to request that they steam-clean my floor. I would prefer not to deal with mold and the musty smell.
...............................
I fear I am turning into a Rod Stewart fan.
I am afraid of not being able to accomplish my goals.
I am afraid of not having the necessary German skills for the first day of school.
I actually hate summer vacation. If I had, perhaps, two weeks off, then I'd be a lot better. I get lazy. I should have picked up another job. Now, I just want to sit around.
...............................
I fear I am turning into a Rod Stewart fan.
I am afraid of not being able to accomplish my goals.
I am afraid of not having the necessary German skills for the first day of school.
I actually hate summer vacation. If I had, perhaps, two weeks off, then I'd be a lot better. I get lazy. I should have picked up another job. Now, I just want to sit around.
Tuesday, June 20, 2006
Driving
I have driven 1000 miles since Friday. I have been traveling primarily between my apartment and my parents' house. I have had a wedding, a family gathering, a contract signing session and an interview. I drove back to Paw Paw today. My interview went really well today. I am hoping to get a call back soon. I am not relying on that, though, as I have the German/English offer on the table. I have to complete some paperwork and have a physical next week. yippee.
I have been searching apartment listings. My uncle has been renovating his townhouse and is putting it on the market soon. He said that if I cannot find a place to live, I am more than welcome to briefly rent his townhouse. That's pretty nifty.
I am excited to be returning to the Detroit/Ann Arbor area. I am in high spirits. My life seems to be panning out well now. I just have to decide which grad program (English) will be the best for me. I also need to look into grad programs I want for German.
I am also saving up for an intensive German class in Munich during the summer of 2007. That will count for my professional development and will allow me to set aside the money for room and board, as well as tuition. The best part is that I will get to see a lot of the "folksy" culture, as Munich is in Bavaria (the southern region in Germany). Most Germans from the other regions consider Bavarians to be crazy or just plain hillbillies. It must be the lederhosen. I think it would be wonderful to see that part of the country. And there is time built in for travel - I can go to Bonn, Frankfurt and Berlin on day trips, especially on the weekends. I will definitely visit Austria, and possibly other countries, too.
I have been searching apartment listings. My uncle has been renovating his townhouse and is putting it on the market soon. He said that if I cannot find a place to live, I am more than welcome to briefly rent his townhouse. That's pretty nifty.
I am excited to be returning to the Detroit/Ann Arbor area. I am in high spirits. My life seems to be panning out well now. I just have to decide which grad program (English) will be the best for me. I also need to look into grad programs I want for German.
I am also saving up for an intensive German class in Munich during the summer of 2007. That will count for my professional development and will allow me to set aside the money for room and board, as well as tuition. The best part is that I will get to see a lot of the "folksy" culture, as Munich is in Bavaria (the southern region in Germany). Most Germans from the other regions consider Bavarians to be crazy or just plain hillbillies. It must be the lederhosen. I think it would be wonderful to see that part of the country. And there is time built in for travel - I can go to Bonn, Frankfurt and Berlin on day trips, especially on the weekends. I will definitely visit Austria, and possibly other countries, too.
Sunday, June 18, 2006
...
I attendend Brendan and Amanda's wedding on Saturday. It wasn't quite what I had expected, but it was nice, nonetheless. I knew I would be happy to see Peaj and Chuck, but I didn't expect to be so happy to see so many people from years past. I hadn't realized I missed them so much until they were relaying the events of their lives and I realized I missed out on their experiences. They were surprised to learn that I am a teacher. Was I really that angry in school?
It seemed as though they didn't feel comfortable speakign with me. I don't know if it was just that they don't really know me anymore or if we just have fewer things in common now. I was happy to communicate, but most of the conversations died fairly quickly. BJ and Anne were great to talk to. If you have never talked to these two people, you are definitely missing out. They are unique and witty and always have an interesting perspective to share on age-old situations.
Several of us exchanged contact information. I am in the process of modifying images - I'd like to crop out mysterious hands and people doing ridiulous things in the background of some pretty wonderful shots of Brendan with his family. I will be sending pictures to several people through email today and tomorrow. Perhaps I should upload a picture or two here. Maybe a little later, though.
It seemed as though they didn't feel comfortable speakign with me. I don't know if it was just that they don't really know me anymore or if we just have fewer things in common now. I was happy to communicate, but most of the conversations died fairly quickly. BJ and Anne were great to talk to. If you have never talked to these two people, you are definitely missing out. They are unique and witty and always have an interesting perspective to share on age-old situations.
Several of us exchanged contact information. I am in the process of modifying images - I'd like to crop out mysterious hands and people doing ridiulous things in the background of some pretty wonderful shots of Brendan with his family. I will be sending pictures to several people through email today and tomorrow. Perhaps I should upload a picture or two here. Maybe a little later, though.
Friday, June 16, 2006
2:50 AM EST
I can't sleep. I figured I had another week or so until the insomnia hit. Teaching keeps me regulated, especially with a sleep schedule. And this past week has been so full of naps that I thought, for sure, something was wrong with me...like chronic fatigue syndrome.
I'm a hypochondriac and just plain crazy in many situations. I admit it.
To those of you who have dated me at some point in your lives(excluding Jeremy - you're stuck with me, baby!): You should be so happy you didn't end up with this cracked pot. I get irritated if towels are folded "wrong". Trust me, Jeremy has heard about this many, many times. I have incredibly high expectations of everyone, which many people cannot live up to and I let them know that. I like romance and affection, but only when I want it. I don't like to accomodate others and their schedules. I like certain foods in certain places in my fridge, as well as in the cupboards. I like all of the kitchen and bathroom drawers to contain items that are placed inside in straight lines and perfect 90 degree angles (Yes, I measure). I like silence so that I can exist within my imaginary world, but if you want to do the same, I don't want to let you go there. I will do my best to distract you. I love playing repetitive games like solitaire for hours on end. It really is an obsession.
3:00 AM EST - Jeremy's alarm should be sounding.
I will play the same song ten times in a row and then never listen to it again because I have it in my head forever. I envy people who feel no shame pushing groceries in a cart all the way home from the store. I think flannel shirts should make a comeback - the nineties had some low maintenance styles that need to be revisited. I keep watching Dawson's Creek DVDs. I've been rewriting scenes and scripts to make them work better. I speed read a lot, especially books about puntuation and grammar (Lynn Truss's Eats, Shoots & Leaves is absolutely wonderful!). I am addicted to the internet. I cleaned my bathroom with bleach products three times in the past week. I talk back to the characters from my stories. I have favorite pieces of silverware (my favorite is a soup spoon that my mother left at my apartment). I like collecting stones from different places I have visited. Half of my electronic equipment in my apartment is not hooked up because I like to take things apart. I still have the majority of my stuffed animals from childhood.
3:11 AM EST
I love to people watch at the mall, despite my fear of large crowds. Maybe that's something I should do tomorrow when I pass through Ann Arbor - go to the mall. There is virtually no chance any of my former students will be there. I can pretend to be from another country, just like Dharma and Jane do on Dharma & Greg. Lesley and I used to do stuff like that. Even Melissa, my first college roommate - the drug addict artist who didn't wear shoes - did stuff like that with me. I haven't gone to any playgrounds in years. Jeremy has never been into that. I ALWAYS had fun going to those, even though I usually injured myself. Sometimes others did, too, like Ben.
I still get butterflies. I revel in that sensation. I can return to almost any situation/experience and walk through each feeling and I still get goose bumps - firsts are always fun to return to. I remember fights from ten years ago. I can remember some fights word-for-word from twenty years ago. I remember phone numbers and codes from childhood. I am paranoid - maybe that comes from teaching. Have I always been paranoid? I love new school supplies. I get so excited at the end of summer when the stores have those huge sales. I like collecting backpacks. I like being overly prepared.
3:27 AM EST
Jeremy is supposed to be up to get ready for his flight. I hope he calls. I told him I'd probably be awake. I can't shut off my mind tonight.
I know I am rambling, but it's my blog. If you don't want to read it, don't. What I should be posting, though are the articles and lessons I will need for next school year. I just don't want to get too far ahead of myself.
I need to call my uncle about his townhouse to find out if he is looking to rent it out. I think my mind is finally slowing down a little. I will research cat behavior for a few and then I will study German - it will hopefully help me to fall asleep. I just don't want any more of that horrific dream.
3:31 AM EST
I just yawned. I think it is time to sign off. And I'm not apologizing for this nutso post.
I'm a hypochondriac and just plain crazy in many situations. I admit it.
To those of you who have dated me at some point in your lives(excluding Jeremy - you're stuck with me, baby!): You should be so happy you didn't end up with this cracked pot. I get irritated if towels are folded "wrong". Trust me, Jeremy has heard about this many, many times. I have incredibly high expectations of everyone, which many people cannot live up to and I let them know that. I like romance and affection, but only when I want it. I don't like to accomodate others and their schedules. I like certain foods in certain places in my fridge, as well as in the cupboards. I like all of the kitchen and bathroom drawers to contain items that are placed inside in straight lines and perfect 90 degree angles (Yes, I measure). I like silence so that I can exist within my imaginary world, but if you want to do the same, I don't want to let you go there. I will do my best to distract you. I love playing repetitive games like solitaire for hours on end. It really is an obsession.
3:00 AM EST - Jeremy's alarm should be sounding.
I will play the same song ten times in a row and then never listen to it again because I have it in my head forever. I envy people who feel no shame pushing groceries in a cart all the way home from the store. I think flannel shirts should make a comeback - the nineties had some low maintenance styles that need to be revisited. I keep watching Dawson's Creek DVDs. I've been rewriting scenes and scripts to make them work better. I speed read a lot, especially books about puntuation and grammar (Lynn Truss's Eats, Shoots & Leaves is absolutely wonderful!). I am addicted to the internet. I cleaned my bathroom with bleach products three times in the past week. I talk back to the characters from my stories. I have favorite pieces of silverware (my favorite is a soup spoon that my mother left at my apartment). I like collecting stones from different places I have visited. Half of my electronic equipment in my apartment is not hooked up because I like to take things apart. I still have the majority of my stuffed animals from childhood.
3:11 AM EST
I love to people watch at the mall, despite my fear of large crowds. Maybe that's something I should do tomorrow when I pass through Ann Arbor - go to the mall. There is virtually no chance any of my former students will be there. I can pretend to be from another country, just like Dharma and Jane do on Dharma & Greg. Lesley and I used to do stuff like that. Even Melissa, my first college roommate - the drug addict artist who didn't wear shoes - did stuff like that with me. I haven't gone to any playgrounds in years. Jeremy has never been into that. I ALWAYS had fun going to those, even though I usually injured myself. Sometimes others did, too, like Ben.
I still get butterflies. I revel in that sensation. I can return to almost any situation/experience and walk through each feeling and I still get goose bumps - firsts are always fun to return to. I remember fights from ten years ago. I can remember some fights word-for-word from twenty years ago. I remember phone numbers and codes from childhood. I am paranoid - maybe that comes from teaching. Have I always been paranoid? I love new school supplies. I get so excited at the end of summer when the stores have those huge sales. I like collecting backpacks. I like being overly prepared.
3:27 AM EST
Jeremy is supposed to be up to get ready for his flight. I hope he calls. I told him I'd probably be awake. I can't shut off my mind tonight.
I know I am rambling, but it's my blog. If you don't want to read it, don't. What I should be posting, though are the articles and lessons I will need for next school year. I just don't want to get too far ahead of myself.
I need to call my uncle about his townhouse to find out if he is looking to rent it out. I think my mind is finally slowing down a little. I will research cat behavior for a few and then I will study German - it will hopefully help me to fall asleep. I just don't want any more of that horrific dream.
3:31 AM EST
I just yawned. I think it is time to sign off. And I'm not apologizing for this nutso post.
Thursday, June 15, 2006
...
My day has been slipping by so quickly.
I woke many times throughout the night from nightmares. Not the typical unsettling dreams that involve losing teeth and/or running from someone - but the type that make my heart thump so hard that I think I am having heart trouble. Last night I kept falling back into the same dream: a blond man roughly my age was killing my entire family (which wasn't my family in real life). There were three children, two boys, one girl. The girl was on the grass bleeding from her abdomen. He had swung an axe from my shed into her.
I woke up.
When I fell asleep again, the dream started off differently. I was in the neighborhood of the same house, though, meeting with a Bible study group from whatever church was mine. The same man came driving by in an old pick-up truck and fired at us with a shotgun.
I woke myself up. I usually know when I am dreaming and tend to choose to wake up. I sat up for a few minutes, read a few pages of a German book, and then turned out the light and tried to sleep again.
This time, I was back at the house and the man was inside with me. He punched me and then I was running (a little more like my typical bad dreams). The problem was that this time, one of the boys was next to me and grabbed my leg and bit my knee. I woke up to pain. I am wondering if one of my cats might have bitten me or latched on with her claws (one of them used to have a nasty habit of attacking anything that moved under the covers).
I decided to get up and go get water. I turned on a DVD and watched a few minutes of Hitch.
I dozed off in my living room and fell into a dream that was, once again, in the same place, only I was looking out a glass window at the guy in the same truck.
It stopped after that, and I was in another dream where I was having a snowball fight with my childhood friends. We were about seven or so, and I was on the old Cooper Elementary site. I had a few other dreams that were somewhat boring.
Has anyone ever experienced this? What triggers something like this? Does anyone know about the psychology behind this stuff? Am I totally cracked?
Anyway, I woke after nine and plunked away on the computer for almost four hours finishing comments on a friend's story. Then I showered and started cleaning again. I really need to find a hobby outside of my apartment. I went shopping for something new to wear to Bren's wedding. It took me about three hours, but I found something decent. The only problem is that I cannot decide which shirt to wear with it. I bought two different ones because I couldn't decide. I like them both too much and they accent the skirt in great but different ways. I guess I will have to ask Jeremy for his input. He'll probably suggest whichever one comes off the easiest. Did I just say that? Shame on me.
I spoke to Jeremy's mom about my job offer. She wants a full report after I go to the next interview. I am looking to get the best possible deal out of my move back to the Detroit/Ann Arbor area. I have no problem using one offer as leverage to push another district to pay me more. That is the plan.
I woke many times throughout the night from nightmares. Not the typical unsettling dreams that involve losing teeth and/or running from someone - but the type that make my heart thump so hard that I think I am having heart trouble. Last night I kept falling back into the same dream: a blond man roughly my age was killing my entire family (which wasn't my family in real life). There were three children, two boys, one girl. The girl was on the grass bleeding from her abdomen. He had swung an axe from my shed into her.
I woke up.
When I fell asleep again, the dream started off differently. I was in the neighborhood of the same house, though, meeting with a Bible study group from whatever church was mine. The same man came driving by in an old pick-up truck and fired at us with a shotgun.
I woke myself up. I usually know when I am dreaming and tend to choose to wake up. I sat up for a few minutes, read a few pages of a German book, and then turned out the light and tried to sleep again.
This time, I was back at the house and the man was inside with me. He punched me and then I was running (a little more like my typical bad dreams). The problem was that this time, one of the boys was next to me and grabbed my leg and bit my knee. I woke up to pain. I am wondering if one of my cats might have bitten me or latched on with her claws (one of them used to have a nasty habit of attacking anything that moved under the covers).
I decided to get up and go get water. I turned on a DVD and watched a few minutes of Hitch.
I dozed off in my living room and fell into a dream that was, once again, in the same place, only I was looking out a glass window at the guy in the same truck.
It stopped after that, and I was in another dream where I was having a snowball fight with my childhood friends. We were about seven or so, and I was on the old Cooper Elementary site. I had a few other dreams that were somewhat boring.
Has anyone ever experienced this? What triggers something like this? Does anyone know about the psychology behind this stuff? Am I totally cracked?
Anyway, I woke after nine and plunked away on the computer for almost four hours finishing comments on a friend's story. Then I showered and started cleaning again. I really need to find a hobby outside of my apartment. I went shopping for something new to wear to Bren's wedding. It took me about three hours, but I found something decent. The only problem is that I cannot decide which shirt to wear with it. I bought two different ones because I couldn't decide. I like them both too much and they accent the skirt in great but different ways. I guess I will have to ask Jeremy for his input. He'll probably suggest whichever one comes off the easiest. Did I just say that? Shame on me.
I spoke to Jeremy's mom about my job offer. She wants a full report after I go to the next interview. I am looking to get the best possible deal out of my move back to the Detroit/Ann Arbor area. I have no problem using one offer as leverage to push another district to pay me more. That is the plan.
Wednesday, June 14, 2006
Summer recaps
Summer vacation isn't the way I remember it, but then again, I haven't really had a real vacation (without a job or classes) since high school. I'm thinking I will sit down and work on several of the stories I've been mulling over. I also need to keep publishing my professional article pieces about teaching. I am also exercising. I went walking yesterday, which would have been jogging, but I decided to walk to the library to return books. It's a little difficult to maintain a constant speed and cycle of breathing when the books keep falling from one's hands. I have been studying German to brush up on my skills for the MTTC German test and for the fall; I will be teaching German and English at a high school in the Metro Detroit area - well, it will be official as soon as I sign the paperwork next Monday. I am excited, but I don't think they will put me higher up on the pay scale. I don't want base pay, but I know every district is playing the budget game. I have two years from Florida, which will not be considered - I can understand that. The two years from Michigan include one year in a private school (not usually used for consideration) and one year from a public school (which should be considered). I'll keep you posted.
Summers past:
Last year, I was still working two jobs outside of my teaching career and took on graduate classes at WMU and BSU (it was all jolly good fun, though).
In 2004 I drove up from Florida and took over my sister's wedding plans (remind me to just elope, would you?).
In 2003 I spent most of my time taking classes to complete requirements for my teacher certification.
2002 was interesting. I moved to Florida, changed my life completely by moving in with Jeremy, got a kitty, worked two different jobs (receptionist at a nifty sports complex and substitute preschool teacher) and then was hired as a full time teacher in a middle school.
I took Summer I and Summer II session classes in 2001. I also worked with my high school marching band and Payless ShoeSource (what an awful job! I hate feet).
2000 - Worked full time at a hardware store. I smelled like keys and fertilizer. I did perform in an orchestra, though, in Dearborn and was paid fairly well for it. Started dating Jeremy. He had a dozen roses delivered one month after our first date. It almost scared me off.
1999 - Worked at the very same hardware store. Was still dating my ex and things were going really well. I thought it was going to last forever. Participated in orchestra.
1998 - Worked a lot at the hardware store. Participated in orchestra.
1997 - Last real summer vacation. Spent so much time with friends and my ex. Band camp (no jokes, please). Slept in a lot. Wrote a lot.
Summers past:
Last year, I was still working two jobs outside of my teaching career and took on graduate classes at WMU and BSU (it was all jolly good fun, though).
In 2004 I drove up from Florida and took over my sister's wedding plans (remind me to just elope, would you?).
In 2003 I spent most of my time taking classes to complete requirements for my teacher certification.
2002 was interesting. I moved to Florida, changed my life completely by moving in with Jeremy, got a kitty, worked two different jobs (receptionist at a nifty sports complex and substitute preschool teacher) and then was hired as a full time teacher in a middle school.
I took Summer I and Summer II session classes in 2001. I also worked with my high school marching band and Payless ShoeSource (what an awful job! I hate feet).
2000 - Worked full time at a hardware store. I smelled like keys and fertilizer. I did perform in an orchestra, though, in Dearborn and was paid fairly well for it. Started dating Jeremy. He had a dozen roses delivered one month after our first date. It almost scared me off.
1999 - Worked at the very same hardware store. Was still dating my ex and things were going really well. I thought it was going to last forever. Participated in orchestra.
1998 - Worked a lot at the hardware store. Participated in orchestra.
1997 - Last real summer vacation. Spent so much time with friends and my ex. Band camp (no jokes, please). Slept in a lot. Wrote a lot.
Tuesday, June 13, 2006
...
Today, my 13-inch TV - the only TV in my apartment that will pick up local stations - caught on fire. While there are several shows I enjoy watching, I know that they are reruns and I can live without them. Jeremy tells me losing this TV is a good thing; I will be able to utilize my time better to study for the German certification test. I know he is right, but I like having the sound in the background. I don't feel so alone. I guess this means I will simply watch DVDs on the 27-inch TV in my living room.
Monday, June 12, 2006
The politics of English
Recently, I read the results of a poll that stated roughly eighty percent of Americans use proper grammar when they write. I find those results faulty. I read so much of what others write and I can tell you that this statistic is horribly inaccurate. I don't think that anyone is trying to lie in this "research"; I believe that most people don't really know American English mechanics, grammar, punctuation, etc. to the extent they believe they do.
I know I am a stickler. All English teachers should be, right?
Quick assessment - Which sentence is correct?
1. She has more clothes than me.
2. She has more clothes than I.
#2. She has more clothes than I (have clothes).
It sounds so ridiculous. We often forget that colloquial speech has different rules and allowances. While it is perfectly acceptable to say #1, when it is written, we are supposed to take on a slightly more formal. Somewhere along the way, we lost that. Check out the OWL for more information.
I can remember correcting my friends' notes in middle school and high school. I usually did not return them, but maybe I should have. Perhaps I could have reached a few before their writing skills solidified.
The most fun part is that creative writing doesn't seem to require the formality, because writers try to create a voice that others can relate to. Who would want to purchase a book that is difficult to read and doesn't sound like a person telling a story? What I fear is that we have generations within our society that cannot switch between textbook writing and creative writing, so they miss some of the key elements that explain how we got to this point.
I spent a portion of the day today writing some political and method pieces for English teacher reform practices to comply with the educational reform that will take effect in August. I am fired up about the possibility of having to push my ideas at the state and national levels. I am considering putting together a presentation and lesson to take to the Michigan Council of Teachers of English events throughout the year. I have started networking with other English teacher activists. This could be the start of something much more substantial and sustainable for English teachers nationwide.
Some of the key ideas that I am fleshing out in my articles/methods seem so fundamental while others are delving into theoretical practices and hypothetical outcomes that I think I had better do some additional area studies at the K-12 level, as well as the college level.
I am collecting data from students, teachers, community members, and state representatives that pushed the educational reform.
Avenues of thought:
1. U.S. culture of intolerance of foreign languages in general society. Most people don't even follow the standards of American English. We are being lead by the younger generations who don't know how to spell 'you' because they've been writing 'u', etc. on the internet.
2. Teaching the changes in communication styles over the past 50 years and how that has shaped our language.
3. Need for more grammar at the primary level.
4. Helping other English teachers to teach grammar in context of already scheduled topics and plans, as well as in an approach that utilizing the multiple learning styles of each student.
5. Explaining the linguistics behind our language (the evolution and vowel shift from the middle ages and what it has done to communication and culture).
6. The need to teach more foreign languages at the elementary level so that students will learn root words in other languages (why do you think the Spelling Bee champs ask for the language of origin!?!)
7. Explanation of how to successfully integrated the whole language and phonetic approach to learning to stop creating educational gaps across the country and between generations.
8. Comparative studies of the language/grammar skills from all over the world (primarily in first-world countries)
9. Where technology is leading us - spell check, grammar check, dictionaries, auto-correct, internet/email language, the impact on research and writing skills with writing so widely available, etc.
I have a few other ideas, but I think I should pace myself this summer and first put forth some effort on those listed above.
This probably sounds so boring to you. I am just concerned about evaporating communication skills. We are overdue for a vowel shift in English, which usually eliminates a connection to literature and texts from centuries ago. Having a standardized language helps to keep it alive and well, while holding off major changes that will, inevitably, affect any civilization.
I know I am a stickler. All English teachers should be, right?
Quick assessment - Which sentence is correct?
1. She has more clothes than me.
2. She has more clothes than I.
#2. She has more clothes than I (have clothes).
It sounds so ridiculous. We often forget that colloquial speech has different rules and allowances. While it is perfectly acceptable to say #1, when it is written, we are supposed to take on a slightly more formal. Somewhere along the way, we lost that. Check out the OWL for more information.
I can remember correcting my friends' notes in middle school and high school. I usually did not return them, but maybe I should have. Perhaps I could have reached a few before their writing skills solidified.
The most fun part is that creative writing doesn't seem to require the formality, because writers try to create a voice that others can relate to. Who would want to purchase a book that is difficult to read and doesn't sound like a person telling a story? What I fear is that we have generations within our society that cannot switch between textbook writing and creative writing, so they miss some of the key elements that explain how we got to this point.
I spent a portion of the day today writing some political and method pieces for English teacher reform practices to comply with the educational reform that will take effect in August. I am fired up about the possibility of having to push my ideas at the state and national levels. I am considering putting together a presentation and lesson to take to the Michigan Council of Teachers of English events throughout the year. I have started networking with other English teacher activists. This could be the start of something much more substantial and sustainable for English teachers nationwide.
Some of the key ideas that I am fleshing out in my articles/methods seem so fundamental while others are delving into theoretical practices and hypothetical outcomes that I think I had better do some additional area studies at the K-12 level, as well as the college level.
I am collecting data from students, teachers, community members, and state representatives that pushed the educational reform.
Avenues of thought:
1. U.S. culture of intolerance of foreign languages in general society. Most people don't even follow the standards of American English. We are being lead by the younger generations who don't know how to spell 'you' because they've been writing 'u', etc. on the internet.
2. Teaching the changes in communication styles over the past 50 years and how that has shaped our language.
3. Need for more grammar at the primary level.
4. Helping other English teachers to teach grammar in context of already scheduled topics and plans, as well as in an approach that utilizing the multiple learning styles of each student.
5. Explaining the linguistics behind our language (the evolution and vowel shift from the middle ages and what it has done to communication and culture).
6. The need to teach more foreign languages at the elementary level so that students will learn root words in other languages (why do you think the Spelling Bee champs ask for the language of origin!?!)
7. Explanation of how to successfully integrated the whole language and phonetic approach to learning to stop creating educational gaps across the country and between generations.
8. Comparative studies of the language/grammar skills from all over the world (primarily in first-world countries)
9. Where technology is leading us - spell check, grammar check, dictionaries, auto-correct, internet/email language, the impact on research and writing skills with writing so widely available, etc.
I have a few other ideas, but I think I should pace myself this summer and first put forth some effort on those listed above.
This probably sounds so boring to you. I am just concerned about evaporating communication skills. We are overdue for a vowel shift in English, which usually eliminates a connection to literature and texts from centuries ago. Having a standardized language helps to keep it alive and well, while holding off major changes that will, inevitably, affect any civilization.
...
Jeremy drove out Friday evening and left Sunday evening. I regret that I was simply exhausted the entire weekend - it's amazing how stress can overload one's system. We cuddled and napped a lot, which was actually something I needed. We haven't had much time to do anything like that these past few months. We did go for a short walk around my neighborhood. I showed him the civil war era cemetery where I usually pause during my evening strolls.
My anxiety regarding my relationship, I've discovered, is actually a fear that I won't be able to quickly adjust to living with him again. I don't like change. In fact, I will go out of my way to avoid it in most cases. We have a system worked out with our schedules to stay in contact. I am finally comfortable with the system we have going - calls before bedtime and visits whenever possible on the weekends. I am aware that this probably doesn't seem like a fulfilling relationship, but it really is. I am incredibly independent. I like having the freedom to just exist in my own little world. On the other hand, Jeremy and I love each other and are great friends. He is the one person I can never get enough of. He makes me laugh. We find the same things hilarious and interesting. We rarely lack a conversation topic. He is a really sweet guy, despite picking up pilot behaviors from his colleagues. He is goal driven and wants to start his own business combining his background in public safety and aviation with his love of the maritime tradition.
I should write more positive entries. Maybe I shouldn't wait until 3:30 AM to write them. Who cares, though? Friday was my last school day for the year. It's summer vacation. I've already had one job offer. I have two application packets to send back in to other districts. I have another interview later this month, and I should hear from the prep school in the afternoon or Tuesday. The only reason I haven't gone in to sign paperwork for the one offer is that I am trying to negotiate a higher salary based on my other offers. I want the best possible deal - I need to find out more about tuition reimbursment, etc. for my master's.
My anxiety regarding my relationship, I've discovered, is actually a fear that I won't be able to quickly adjust to living with him again. I don't like change. In fact, I will go out of my way to avoid it in most cases. We have a system worked out with our schedules to stay in contact. I am finally comfortable with the system we have going - calls before bedtime and visits whenever possible on the weekends. I am aware that this probably doesn't seem like a fulfilling relationship, but it really is. I am incredibly independent. I like having the freedom to just exist in my own little world. On the other hand, Jeremy and I love each other and are great friends. He is the one person I can never get enough of. He makes me laugh. We find the same things hilarious and interesting. We rarely lack a conversation topic. He is a really sweet guy, despite picking up pilot behaviors from his colleagues. He is goal driven and wants to start his own business combining his background in public safety and aviation with his love of the maritime tradition.
I should write more positive entries. Maybe I shouldn't wait until 3:30 AM to write them. Who cares, though? Friday was my last school day for the year. It's summer vacation. I've already had one job offer. I have two application packets to send back in to other districts. I have another interview later this month, and I should hear from the prep school in the afternoon or Tuesday. The only reason I haven't gone in to sign paperwork for the one offer is that I am trying to negotiate a higher salary based on my other offers. I want the best possible deal - I need to find out more about tuition reimbursment, etc. for my master's.
Saturday, June 10, 2006
Condolences
Two people I know recently lost grandparents (Wednesday). I am so sorry for both of your losses. My prayers are with you. If you need anything, please call me.
Monday, June 05, 2006
PostSecret
I found myself reading and rereading the postcards on PostSecret. It's almost as if they navigate my emotions - ups, downs, revelations and laughter. I feel like a crazy person, but I'm not crazy. I should see someone, though. I have been feeling a little out of sorts lately.
Last night, I woke at approximately 3:30 to what I thought was someone talking in my room. I don't know if it was a neighbor being loud (which is not normal for this quiet little place) or if I was dreaming a little too vividly. I expected to see someone standing in my doorway, but no one was there. I checked all the locks, and they were secure.
Now, a regular person would probably think that it was just a dream. I'd love to put all my money on that number, but I have other factors to consider. My grandmother was schizophrenic (she spoke to "relatives she misses" as my family says). She went through a long period of shock treatments (almost every month for a decade or so). About six years ago, my cousin started getting into all sorts of dangerous trouble - mostly setting fires and exhibiting violent tantrums against voices only he could hear. I used to hear a voice whenever I had a chemical and/or hormonal imbalance (that's all adolescence is, isn't it?) I don't hear it anymore, though. It's like someone yelling into a glass - you know, like kids like to do when they're little, only my voice is that of an adult man. This is one reason I try to avoid taking any medication...even Advil. Crazy shit starts happening in my head. Anyway...I should probably stop revealing so much.
Today was interesting. I have finished everything for the end of the year, so I sat in my office and watched Videos on Demand in German. I started to recognize words I had long since forgotten. It was nice to that. Tomorrow will consist of the same.
I came home with a list of chores, but opted instead to watch Mean Girls and Bowling for Columbine. I vegged out, spoke to Jeremy, and sang to my cats (one really likes that).
I've also turned into a voracious reader. I read two books yesterday. I had a slight headache from speedreading, but the books were quite good and I wanted to finish them before bedtime. I have another lined up to start tonight and finish tomorrow while I am sitting in my office listening to German.
The multi-tasking is probably what is making me feel overwhelmed. I like the stress, though. I have fewer recurring dreams of losing my teeth.
Last night, I woke at approximately 3:30 to what I thought was someone talking in my room. I don't know if it was a neighbor being loud (which is not normal for this quiet little place) or if I was dreaming a little too vividly. I expected to see someone standing in my doorway, but no one was there. I checked all the locks, and they were secure.
Now, a regular person would probably think that it was just a dream. I'd love to put all my money on that number, but I have other factors to consider. My grandmother was schizophrenic (she spoke to "relatives she misses" as my family says). She went through a long period of shock treatments (almost every month for a decade or so). About six years ago, my cousin started getting into all sorts of dangerous trouble - mostly setting fires and exhibiting violent tantrums against voices only he could hear. I used to hear a voice whenever I had a chemical and/or hormonal imbalance (that's all adolescence is, isn't it?) I don't hear it anymore, though. It's like someone yelling into a glass - you know, like kids like to do when they're little, only my voice is that of an adult man. This is one reason I try to avoid taking any medication...even Advil. Crazy shit starts happening in my head. Anyway...I should probably stop revealing so much.
Today was interesting. I have finished everything for the end of the year, so I sat in my office and watched Videos on Demand in German. I started to recognize words I had long since forgotten. It was nice to that. Tomorrow will consist of the same.
I came home with a list of chores, but opted instead to watch Mean Girls and Bowling for Columbine. I vegged out, spoke to Jeremy, and sang to my cats (one really likes that).
I've also turned into a voracious reader. I read two books yesterday. I had a slight headache from speedreading, but the books were quite good and I wanted to finish them before bedtime. I have another lined up to start tonight and finish tomorrow while I am sitting in my office listening to German.
The multi-tasking is probably what is making me feel overwhelmed. I like the stress, though. I have fewer recurring dreams of losing my teeth.
Saturday, June 03, 2006
the downer
Is anyone else feeling depressed tonight? I can't seem to shake it.
I'm 25.
I'm lonely.
I've reached a point in my life that sex (or lack thereof) doesn't matter. Shouldn't I still have a spark?
I've been in a relationship for six years now. I thought I'd be married by now. My boyfriend lives three hours away and wants me to compromise my plans for next year to make his life easier.
I thought I'd be a world traveler and established orchestral musician. Instead, I'm an over-analytical teacher who doesn't know how to "live it up" anymore.
People owe me money - lots of it, and I want it back. I could afford a fairly extravagant trip to Germany, Austria, and Switzerland this summer if I had it.
I was an over-achiever. Now, I just pretend to be.
I annoy people because I try so hard to get them to like me. I should just stop contacting my some of my friends for about six months and guilt-trip them later for not calling me. Let them know that they suck sometimes. - Reenee, you are definitely NOT in that list!
I was fickle when I was younger, but who wasn't?
I've been crying tonight. I've been angry tonight. I've probably wanted to rip off your head.
Bren is getting married in two weeks. I'm happy for him, but this joyous occasion makes me want to punch Jeremy.
Jeremy's mom has now started nagging him about marrying me. That's gotta be a bad sign - if someone WANTS to be a mother-in-law. Jeremy keeps telling me about it, thinking I will be on HIS side - yeah, fucking right!
I hated myself up until college (Explains a lot, huh?). I finally started to like myself for a few years. Now, I can only see that ugly, geeky, bitch in the mirror. I hate her. Do you?
MV mentioned that we should go to Europe this summer. I want to go, but I know Jeremy would shit a brick if I took a trip with another dude.
I've thought about killing myself eleven times today. This is most likely hormonal shifts from PMS. We'll see, though. Would any of you truly miss me? I think I just sort of pop up on the grid here and there, but I seem to be an "extra" in most situations.
I should clean the bathroom again, just to get high off the bleach fumes. At least that would make me "feel" happy.
I'm 25.
I'm lonely.
I've reached a point in my life that sex (or lack thereof) doesn't matter. Shouldn't I still have a spark?
I've been in a relationship for six years now. I thought I'd be married by now. My boyfriend lives three hours away and wants me to compromise my plans for next year to make his life easier.
I thought I'd be a world traveler and established orchestral musician. Instead, I'm an over-analytical teacher who doesn't know how to "live it up" anymore.
People owe me money - lots of it, and I want it back. I could afford a fairly extravagant trip to Germany, Austria, and Switzerland this summer if I had it.
I was an over-achiever. Now, I just pretend to be.
I annoy people because I try so hard to get them to like me. I should just stop contacting my some of my friends for about six months and guilt-trip them later for not calling me. Let them know that they suck sometimes. - Reenee, you are definitely NOT in that list!
I was fickle when I was younger, but who wasn't?
I've been crying tonight. I've been angry tonight. I've probably wanted to rip off your head.
Bren is getting married in two weeks. I'm happy for him, but this joyous occasion makes me want to punch Jeremy.
Jeremy's mom has now started nagging him about marrying me. That's gotta be a bad sign - if someone WANTS to be a mother-in-law. Jeremy keeps telling me about it, thinking I will be on HIS side - yeah, fucking right!
I hated myself up until college (Explains a lot, huh?). I finally started to like myself for a few years. Now, I can only see that ugly, geeky, bitch in the mirror. I hate her. Do you?
MV mentioned that we should go to Europe this summer. I want to go, but I know Jeremy would shit a brick if I took a trip with another dude.
I've thought about killing myself eleven times today. This is most likely hormonal shifts from PMS. We'll see, though. Would any of you truly miss me? I think I just sort of pop up on the grid here and there, but I seem to be an "extra" in most situations.
I should clean the bathroom again, just to get high off the bleach fumes. At least that would make me "feel" happy.
...
I woke today feeling energized. I was going to tackle the world today, but an early afternoon nap totally changed that. I did make it to the library to pick up some study guides for German.
I am realizing that the position I've been offered may not be the best for me. I know I can teach. I just don't really have passion for the German language or culture. I don't see myself being happy in the job. I am hoping for something else to come up - I know that is terrible of me, but I want to feel passionate about my job. I love writing and literature - the kids pick up on that, and it helps to make them want to learn more.
I signed up for the certification test in July, though, and I hope that all of my studying and revisiting my work from the past will stir something. The principal knows that I do not want to teach German, but he said that the job will change over the years.
I feel as though I am giving something up, even though I would still get to teach English. This job would be a compromise for where Jeremy and I want and need live, what I want to teach, income needs, and satisfying my own personal academic goals with grad work.
I am tired of compromising. I'M NOT MARRIED! I DON'T HAVE KIDS. I AM A COMPETETENT AND SKILLED TEACHER. I HAVE SOME PRETTY PRESTIGIOUS SCHOOLS LOOKING TO RECRUIT ME. Why should I have to limit myself to make Jeremy's life easier?
You know what? It's been six years. If he wants me to keep supporting him the way I do and the way I've done in the past, he has to anty up. I'm not his wife. I refuse to give up on what I want. And I'm sick of waiting.
I am realizing that the position I've been offered may not be the best for me. I know I can teach. I just don't really have passion for the German language or culture. I don't see myself being happy in the job. I am hoping for something else to come up - I know that is terrible of me, but I want to feel passionate about my job. I love writing and literature - the kids pick up on that, and it helps to make them want to learn more.
I signed up for the certification test in July, though, and I hope that all of my studying and revisiting my work from the past will stir something. The principal knows that I do not want to teach German, but he said that the job will change over the years.
I feel as though I am giving something up, even though I would still get to teach English. This job would be a compromise for where Jeremy and I want and need live, what I want to teach, income needs, and satisfying my own personal academic goals with grad work.
I am tired of compromising. I'M NOT MARRIED! I DON'T HAVE KIDS. I AM A COMPETETENT AND SKILLED TEACHER. I HAVE SOME PRETTY PRESTIGIOUS SCHOOLS LOOKING TO RECRUIT ME. Why should I have to limit myself to make Jeremy's life easier?
You know what? It's been six years. If he wants me to keep supporting him the way I do and the way I've done in the past, he has to anty up. I'm not his wife. I refuse to give up on what I want. And I'm sick of waiting.
Friday, June 02, 2006
Job Offer!
I contacted the principal today, and he offered me the German/English position! I made sure that he understood that I am not yet endorsed to teach German, but he said that all I need to do is sign up for the test and I will be all set (of course, I have to take the test). I am very worried about this job. I am so scared to teach German - what if I can't build up my skills enough to facilitate skill mastery in my students?
I will be speaking to the human resources department on Tuesday to fine tune the offer and see where I stand with my certification and salary. I am fairly happy - I just want an offer from the college prep school. As long as I don't sign anything, I can use my current offer as a bargaining tool to see what I can get for the other school.
At least I know I will be moving back to the Detroit area soon!!! I have to contact my uncle and find out if he's willing to rent his townhouse. Then, I need to start getting my shit ready to go!
...............................
Staff party tonight. I had a really good time - I didn't expect to go. I drank for a while, got drunk, spoke with many of my colleagues, sobered up, and then headed home. I am taking a short break from cleaning. I want to complete my bathroom and kitchen tonight, and maybe reorganize my linen closet, too. I will sort through clothes and get some things ready for donation tomorrow. It's time to get these things away from me.
...............................
I am losing weight. I seem to be swimming in my clothes and the belts keep going one more notch, one more notch. What a good feeling. This has been an incredible week! I finished all of my end-of-the-year paperwork today, so I have a week to just hang out in my office. What a way to close this school year.
...............................
Everything seems to be falling into place, for once. I don't think I have ever experienced this before. I've never had so much positive at one time. I hope it continues.
I will be speaking to the human resources department on Tuesday to fine tune the offer and see where I stand with my certification and salary. I am fairly happy - I just want an offer from the college prep school. As long as I don't sign anything, I can use my current offer as a bargaining tool to see what I can get for the other school.
At least I know I will be moving back to the Detroit area soon!!! I have to contact my uncle and find out if he's willing to rent his townhouse. Then, I need to start getting my shit ready to go!
...............................
Staff party tonight. I had a really good time - I didn't expect to go. I drank for a while, got drunk, spoke with many of my colleagues, sobered up, and then headed home. I am taking a short break from cleaning. I want to complete my bathroom and kitchen tonight, and maybe reorganize my linen closet, too. I will sort through clothes and get some things ready for donation tomorrow. It's time to get these things away from me.
...............................
I am losing weight. I seem to be swimming in my clothes and the belts keep going one more notch, one more notch. What a good feeling. This has been an incredible week! I finished all of my end-of-the-year paperwork today, so I have a week to just hang out in my office. What a way to close this school year.
...............................
Everything seems to be falling into place, for once. I don't think I have ever experienced this before. I've never had so much positive at one time. I hope it continues.
Thursday, June 01, 2006
Interview recap
So, yesterday I went to both of my interviews. It turns out that the first one wasn't even a FT English position - the principal had advertised it incorrectly. It is a 3/5 German, 2/5 English position...and he didn't even bring it up. He just let his German teacher speak to me auf Deutsch and I had to roll with it. I had to ask a question of clarification for him to explain what had happened. Throwing me into a situation like that - blind - does not make for the best interview, to say the least. Hell, I am not even German certified! The principal called today, though, and left a message asking me to contact him tomorrow. I know they have more people to interview, so I should not have received a call yet. I don't even know if I want to teach German. My skills have gone down the crapper over the past four years. I don't know if I will be able to build them up in time. Plus, I will have to register for the MTTC German test, which I hear, is a nightmare to take. Most people fail it the first two or three times they take it. That is not what I want to hear. I suppose I will just find out tomorrow what the principal wants.
The second interview at the college prep school was phenomenal!!! I cannot tell you how incredible it was to be there, teaching to their students for 45 minutes. I don't think I have ever had so much fun teaching a brand new class. I didn't feel nervous. I didn't stutter. I didn't talk in circles. The lesson went by so quickly and easily - I WANT TO WORK THERE! I met with all different people afterward. I am the only person being interviewed who does not have a master's or a doctoral degree. I have the training and experience they want, though. I will hear back in a little over a week. I am on pins and needles till then. The facility was gorgeous - it looks like an art gallery in the high school lobby - and the craftsmanship of the work is amazing. The students were absolutely wonderful to me, even clapping at the end of the lesson. They are very bright, well-trained in literary work, very much involved in the classroom discussion and activities. I was totally shocked. I knew they would be great, but that great!?! The discussion in the class was akin to something at the college level AND they are only ninth graders! Most of the faculty has at least a master's degree, most have their PhD's. A number of them are Ivy Leaguers. I need to work in an environment like that.
But money may take precendence. I don't know how much they pay, and I want to plan ahead for my retirement, as well as my graduate study, etc. along the way.
The second interview at the college prep school was phenomenal!!! I cannot tell you how incredible it was to be there, teaching to their students for 45 minutes. I don't think I have ever had so much fun teaching a brand new class. I didn't feel nervous. I didn't stutter. I didn't talk in circles. The lesson went by so quickly and easily - I WANT TO WORK THERE! I met with all different people afterward. I am the only person being interviewed who does not have a master's or a doctoral degree. I have the training and experience they want, though. I will hear back in a little over a week. I am on pins and needles till then. The facility was gorgeous - it looks like an art gallery in the high school lobby - and the craftsmanship of the work is amazing. The students were absolutely wonderful to me, even clapping at the end of the lesson. They are very bright, well-trained in literary work, very much involved in the classroom discussion and activities. I was totally shocked. I knew they would be great, but that great!?! The discussion in the class was akin to something at the college level AND they are only ninth graders! Most of the faculty has at least a master's degree, most have their PhD's. A number of them are Ivy Leaguers. I need to work in an environment like that.
But money may take precendence. I don't know how much they pay, and I want to plan ahead for my retirement, as well as my graduate study, etc. along the way.
Subscribe to:
Posts (Atom)